Is She Sick, How Is She? Where Is She?
She’s living with him, some guy. I don’t know, I don’t like him, but she does. He’s just some guy from the square, you know, a guy who hangs out down there. He’s a toughie. Got tattoos and stuff like that.
He’s Taking Care Of Her? Michelle asked.
She’s fine! Wendy screamed. She’s fine. She’s not sick anymore.
Are You Kidding?
I guess she just needed to get laid. You know?
Oh My God. I Can’t Believe This. Does Kyle Know?
I don’t talk to you kids. You don’t call me, I don’t call you two, we don’t talk.
I Know, Ma, Michelle said. I’m Sorry.
It is what it is. You know I love you?
Yeah, Michelle said. Of Course I Do. Do You Know I Love You?
Oh yeah, I know it.
Really? Michelle asked. Really? You Really Do? Michelle felt that love rise up inside of her, that scared and frustrated love. She wanted to push it somehow into her mother, make her feel what it felt like to love her. How tremendous and difficult.
You don’t have to try so hard, ’Chelle, she said. Just love me, okay? And I’ll love you. Simple. Okay?
Okay. She was crying.
Are you safe where you are? Wendy asked.
Yeah, Michelle said.
’Cause you know you can come and stay with me if you need to. I could try to find the money to get you here. We all help each other out, it’s really nice.
Michelle thought about ending her life in a mental hospital with her mother. It had its appeal. I Don’t Think It’s Even Possible To Get To You, she said.
Well, I’m glad I got to talk you, Wendy said. Before they turn the phones off. And I hope Kym gets it together to call you, you know she loves you, don’t you?
Michelle did. Yeah.
I’d like to speak to your brother too but he doesn’t return my calls. You know what that means.
What? Michelle asked.
He’s got a boyfriend. He never wants to talk to me when he’s got a boyfriend.
24
Michelle called Kyle. Do You Have A Boyfriend? she demanded. I Talked To Ma, She Said You Won’t Talk To Her And That You Never Talk To Her When You Have A Boyfriend. Do You Know That Kym Has A Boyfriend? Our Mothers Have Lost Control.
Yes, Kyle affirmed. I know everything. And yes, I have a boyfriend.
Kyle! Michelle exclaimed. She recalled the dream of the garden. Is He, Like Does He Have Really Blue Eyes, Dark Hair?
Yes! Kyle shrieked. Yes! Yes! This was why he did not call their mothers when he fell in love. He became like a small dog in love, full of yips, chasing his tail, a teenage girl, perhaps, shiny and pink. All the mothers could do was make fun of him.
The One We Dreamed Of, Michelle said.
Yes, Kyle said. We found each other on Craigslist and went on a date and it was like love at first sight. It was amazing. It is amazing.
Wow, Michelle said. He’s Like How He Was In Your Dream, Like In Real Life? All My Dream Lovers Are Teenagers Right Now.
It’s all about timing, Kyle said. People change, they keep changing. You got to catch them at the right moment or else you can’t sync up. I think I would have met Walter really soon anyway. He was redecorating my boss’s apartment.
Kym Left Wendy For A Man And Wendy Is Living At The Mental Hospital And Dreaming She’s A Grandmother.
They needed to break up, don’t you think?
I Guess. There’s No Time To Overthink Anything Anyway.
I know! Kyle cried. I love it! I’m moving in with Walter. It’s so easy. If we were going to keep living we’d never do it! Listen, he said, we want to have you over before the end of the world, okay? Will you please come over for dinner next week? I can’t believe how quickly time is passing.
I Know, Michelle said. And I Would Love To.
25
Through the weeks Michelle had many dreams, and then she ceased to have any. The darkness of her slumber was a deep relief, was the most rested she had ever felt. She awoke lit with such energy, coffee was suddenly unnecessary. Which was great, since it had finally become unavailable. Lots of things had become unavailable. The shops were empty, the faucets were dry. There was a sensation that things were shutting down, switch by switch. Instead of this fomenting anxiety, a peacefulness descended on Michelle, on Michelle and on the people around her. On everyone, perhaps. A peek at the computer revealed a total lack of missed dream connections. As the soothing cloak of blackness had been draped over Michelle’s dreams, so it seemed that everyone else had lived out their astral lives and could finally get a good night’s sleep. Perhaps this is what it will feel like, Michelle wondered, when it all goes away. The moment felt extremely close. Michelle thought it wouldn’t be so very bad. All day she looked forward to the velvety blackness of her nights, though her days were sweet as well.
The night before the world ended she visited with Kyle and Walter in Walter’s impeccably decorated apartment. He was charming and clearly in love with her brother, and such a wonderful cook he managed to make a scrumptious feast from the sad array of cans stacked in his pantry. The three of them had a banquet. Walter busted open cans of salmon and vegetables and created a dish that made it easy to forget the world had ceased being able to sustain life. With cans of chocolate syrup and condensed milk he made astounding desserts. Cans of fruit were lit on fire with fine brandy poured from hoarded bottles. He filled goblets with the liquor and raised them in a toast.
Michelle, Kyle said. Are you not going to drink? The fucking world is ending. I’d put my money on tomorrow. I think we’re done. Kyle made a face that suggested his hand was on his hip, even as his hands sat gently on the table. Sometimes the way her brother spoke made her think of bright fishes, wiggling. He put a glass in her hand.
Michelle thought of Joey. He’d come by the store once, to get money, and she’d given him a bunch. He was delighted by her bed of pillows heaped by the art books, and shortly after lying back on them he nodded off, staying that way until nightfall.
I must’ve been tired, he quipped. He was bony but not much more so than ever. His bandanna was gone and his bald head sprouted random hairs. Michelle missed his sharpness, his jokes and observations. The anxious wheel that pushed him through the world had ceased turning. Joey was beyond relaxed. His body when she hugged him was rickety as an old ladder. The embrace lingered and for a moment Michelle was frightened he’d nodded out on her, but then he pulled back and Michelle saw he was crying. His hand moved slowly toward his head, reaching for the bandanna. He remembered and stopped, laughed, but his hand stayed in the air, wavering.
Joey, Michelle said. You’re A Mess.
I love you, he said primly, slowly, like sounding the words phonetically. He dipped his face toward hers for a kiss and Michelle stayed very still so that he wouldn’t miss his target. He looked like a strange and ancient bird, pecking curiously at her cheek.