"Who do you want to call?"
I recite Tabitha's number with pride.
"You can say goodbye to anybody you want while I make the call." She smiles back at me.
"Thanks," I say. I walk down the hallway and into the cafeteria.
The busyness of the room is somewhat alarming. I am usually in the midst of it so watching as a bystander is very unnerving for me. I graze over the many people and look for one person in particular. I see his head ducked over his plate. He sits alone at the table. Now I know what he had been doing before I came along. I am sure in his 3 weeks here he has made different friends who have come and gone. I wish I could keep him as a friend but I know I see him on the outside the I will proceed to do some very regrettable things. I walk up behind him and loudly call in his ear.
"Hi there!"
He jumps at least a half an inch off of his seat and looks back at me.
"Don't rape me!"
The air around us is dead silent. I look at him shocked. I don't know if he has some sort of bad memory that I just triggered by scaring him.
His face cracks with a smile and he starts laughing triumphantly.
"You can never scare me," he says, his laugh growing louder. "You should have seen your face!"
I roll my eyes and sigh.
"I just wanted to say good-bye," I say.
"You're leaving?" His look of triumph sheds rapidly.
"Yeah. I only had to be here for 48 hours because they can't give me meds."
"Oh." He looks down at the ground. He is defeated. I don't think he expected me to leave so soon. Then again, neither did I.
"Hey, maybe I'll see you on the outside?" I ask timidly. I know I don't mean it—though I wish I did.
He stands up and looks around the cafeteria mysteriously.
"Come with me," he urges. He walks towards the exit, the nurses suspiciously eyeing us the whole time. We make it in into the hallway and he begins speed walking. I try to catch up with his pace as he turns down a corner. I haven't been in this corner of the ward before. How much of this hell have I not experienced yet.
"I have to go, Brook," I demand.
"Just follow me!" He says. There is excitement in his tone. He slows down for a second and looks at me with his bright green eyes. He smiles widely and puts his hand out for me to grab it. My heart stalls. His gaze remains fixed on me and I know it won't let go until I give him my hand. Fuck it. I peel off my insatiable worry and put my hand in his palm. He grips it and starts running. The slippery tile holds no grip on my Chuck's. At any moment I could lose my footing and fall. It is that lottery that propels me to test it farther. Nothing motivates people more than fear. We run free through the halls, the wind whipping against our faces. The sunken yellow lights glow down on us. The dim light barely lights the hallway but he guides me and I know I won't get lost.
We stop in front of a door. I have no idea where we are. The hallway has a new smell to it. Instead of pancakes, it smells like moldy pancakes. Brook pulls at the doorknob but it doesn't budge. I sigh.
"If we ran all this way to find a locked door, I'm going to deck you," I joke.
He turns back to me and winks. His sly smile makes me worry. He is much to mischievous. He rummages in his pocket for a moment until pulling out a business card.
"Dr. Simmons is good for one thing," he says.
He takes the business card and pushes it into the crack between the lock and the door. He slides it down like a credit card and I hear the lock snap back. He looks back at me, gloating as he opens the door. Inside is his room. His clothing is throwing into heaping piles and the mysterious rotting smell comes back ten fold. It hits me hard and I curl my lip to distract my nose while not making it obvious to Brook. It makes me wonder how he doesn't wreek. He walks in and turns to his dresser. On top of it lies a towel with an object tightly wrapped in it. He grabs it and hands it to me.
"I made this for you." He smiles as he passes it over. He is very proud of it. I make a mental note to be happy with it no matter what it is.
I unwrap the towel and a large stone falls out onto my palm. I look at it closely and it is carved in the shape of a fish. The scales are so intricate that at a distance, it would look alive. I hold gently in my hands and look up at him. I am in awe that he would be able to do this is in just two days and it look so beautiful.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't completely done but I want you to have it before you go and I-"
"It's beautiful, Brook." I smile, looking at the delicately made sculpture. My heart drops and I feel the knots begin to form.
We match eyes and laughter bubbles in my stomach. I feel it come up without any request. My laughter causes him to mirror my behavior and we stand, with unbreakable eye contact, just laughing at the breeze. He reaches to me and pulls me into a hug. I have never touched his skin before. The whole ‘no touching' rule has made that impossible. His arms feel different than I expected. They feel so much more safe than I had assumed. I could stay wrapped in his arms for longer than would be socially acceptable. I look up to him. His face is closer to me than it has ever been before. I lean up and throw all of my thoughts out of the window. I push my lips against his as hard as I can. He pushes back for a second before letting go of the hug and pulling out of the kiss.
"I-uh." He looks at me confused. "I don't like you… like that."
I step away from him. My face flushes red and my breath becomes shallow.
"Oh." My throat grows dryer by the minute. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too," he says back to me.
"I'm gonna go…" I stall my words. I don't know how to come back from that awkward encounter.
"Yeah…"
I turn around as quickly as possible and cascade myself out of his room. Fuck.
I'm in a new part of the hospital and I have no idea how to get back to the nurses station but I am going to give my best try because I'd rather get lost in the maze than have to go back and ask Brook for help. I hold the fish in my hand still. I can't even part with this even if I totally misread our entire friendship. I push the thought back. I try to remember back to when we were running, we only took 3 turns. I can do this. I walk past what I can only assume are the men's bedrooms. I walk down until I get to the first intersection. Eenie meanie minie moe. I turn left. I walk down with an unsure look on my face. I just stare at the floor, I know if I look ahead, the enormity of how lost I am will cause anxiety that I don't need right now.
"Ana?" Her voice is the voice of an angel. My savior.
"Nurse Juay?" I look up, trying to find her face but she isn't in my hallway.
"Ana?" She calls out again.
"I'm over here!" I yell back. I start walking quickly trying to make it to the next intersection.
"Where?" She calls back. There is silence for a prolonged period of time. This makes me even more nervous. My palms sweat and coat the fish in slime. Now it feels natural
"Ana!" I hear her yell but it's not from where I am headed. It is behind me. I turn around and see her strutting towards me.
"There you are." She seems slightly angry. I mean, I did run off. I don't know how she'll react so I shove the fish in my pocket. Its slimy body slips easily in but it feels weird against my thigh.