"At least call the police. They can arrest him. He needs to go to jail." I beg.
"No. He deserves to die." Noah throws the blanket back into the crib and moves to his closet. He throws clothes out until he has a tangible outfit. He gets dressed hurriedly.
"Noah, you can't just murder a man." I say, getting out of bed.
"Watch me." He pulls on his shoes and begins to walk out of the room.
"Noah." I yell.
He stops and turns around.
"At least let me go with you." I say with extreme stress.
"No. I can't lose you too." He barks. He marches out of the door, anger propelling his every step.
"Noah!" I yell again. He keeps walking. I walk in my long t-shirt out of my bedroom. I had a baby not even a week ago. My maternal instinct has gone off of the chain.
"He is my son!" I call out to him from the hallway.
He turns around and looks at me in the eye.
"If I can't stop you, then fine." He turns back and continues walking.
I sprint to the bedroom and pull on a pair of jeans. I still only have maternity jeans so the elastic band barely fits around my waist. I throw on my converse through swollen feet and try to run to catch up to him.
"Slow down!" I holler after him as he walks out of the front door.
He stalls for a second, holding the door for me. He has a grimace imprinted on his face. I have seen him angry but not this angry. He walks to the sidewalk and calls a cab.
We stand for a moment before a cab shows up. The sun has begun to heat the sidewalk. The summer weather has slowly creeped up on me yet again.
Noah opens the taxi door with way too much strength. For a moment, I worry about having to pay for the door in case he breaks it off. He gets in and I follow on his heels. I wait for him to tell the cabbie where to go but I soon realize that he has no idea where to go. This is up to me. I know Kane best.
Noah looks at me with unsure eyes. Where would Kane go to get my baby away or even kill him? I shudder. I can't push this thought away. I need to let it simmer so that I can get some sort of idea. The only place that I would check first is my neighborhood. I breathe deeply.
"Roxbury." I say to the driver.
He nods his head and we are on our way. I don't want to think about returning. No matter what I do, I always wind up going back simply because of the scars that Kane has put on me.
The car starts moving and Noah becomes more and more uneased. His fist remained bawled to his side. I am so scared for the moment he sees Kane. I want Kane to suffer but at the same time, I don't want him to get murdered. Nobody deserves that. He may have put me through hell but a part of me… remembers him. The stress of all of this gets to me.
You need him.
You can't kill him.
I begin to hyperventilate. My ears ring and my heart pounds. My head is twisted with my heart. I wonder what would have happened if I had just killed myself. If Noah never came to my rescue or if I just been one second quicker. Would Joseph even be alive. Would this battle be even happening. I can't say I wish I had because I don't know if my beautiful baby boy would be here if I did. I love him more than I love my right arm. This whole thing makes me overwhelmed and mourning rather than the anger that Noah expresses.
The taxi comes to stop and I peer out of the window. The look of the street creates a sheet of ice over my heart. I hate this place. I now remember why I wanted to leave Boston so badly. Noah opens the door and steps out. He looks around.
He grits his teeth. He is going to pummel him to death, I can see the temper in his face.
I get out of the car and place my feet on the concrete. It feels almost unnatural for me to walk on it with shoes. I remember all of the cold nights when I walked to his house barefoot, just seeking his warmth. There are too many to count. They have a bittersweet feel to them. I loved them when they began but towards the end, it felt as if I was just walking to be the next victim in one of his fits. I close my eyes and take a sharp breath in.
Noah walks to his house, anger propelling every step. I follow him. Fear crawls its way back up my spine. It nags at me. My limbs are warm from the cortisol coursing through them.
He walks up to the door and opens the door. It's unlocked. That is a bad sign. Noah enters to front room.
"Get the fuck out here, you coward!" He screams.
Stillness.
Through his gritted teeth, he growls. The veins in his neck are start to protrude and his grows redder by the minute. He sprints up the stairs. I attempt to follow him but I have become voiceless in this matter. I know that no matter what I do, someone is going to die today and that is the scariest feeling I think I have ever felt.
I run up the stairs. Noah stands in Kane's room in a fight stance.
"Where the fuck is he." He yells. "I want my son."
He turns around immediately and walks back down the stairs.
"Where are you going?" I holler to him.
"Call Tabitha. She might know where he is." He says back, as he slams open the front door and marches out. I walk down the stairs quickly and meet him outside. He calls yet another taxi. Now that we are in the city so they circle like predators, waiting, watching.
We dive in and Noah blurts out Tabitha's address.
He pulls out his phone and hands it to me. I take and dial her number. It rings for a second before her voicemail answers. I look at Noah and shake my head. He takes back his phone and shoves it into his pocket. The tension rises by the minute until the car finally stops.
"Stay here, we'll be right back." Noah tells the driver.
We step out and briskly walk to the front door. I opt to knock but after one attempt, Noah blatantly opens the door. He walks into the great room and looks around for any member of the Grenich family.
She walks out of the kitchen and looks at us, confused.
"Why are you here?" She asks.
"Kane took Joseph." Noah bites, "Do you know where he could be?"
Her expression melts into pure worry.
"Have you checked Roxbury?" She asks, seeking at least a little solace.
"Yes, no sign," I say, my eyes watering. I don't know if my baby is dead or alive and I just need to know soon so that I can mourn him properly.
"I can call some people from the different bars in Boston and see if they have seen him." She offers.
"Yes, please do that." Noah replies. His anger has only calmed by a millimeter. Usually he is in the saving mood, being a firefighter but now he is in a murder mood.
"I want you to stay here." He says to me.
"No." I look at him determined. "He is my son too."
Tabitha stands as an onlooker, saying no opinion either way.
Noah angrily sigh and mutters a thank you to Tabitha. With that, he trots out of the house and back onto the street. This pig chase with Noah has cause my legs to grow numb. I turn and hug Tabitha tightly.
"I hope he isn't dead." I softly cry into her ear.
She rubs my back tenderly.
"You've gotta catch up with him if you are going to go."
I pull out of the hug and nod my head. I turn back around and catch up to Noah just as he is crawling back into the taxi. I get in behind him.
"Where to now?" I ask, my voice dripping with nervousness.
"Let's just track the city." He says with uncertainty.
"Circle the Prudential," I tell the driver.
"That's a big bill," the diver responds.
"I know, just go," Noah replies.
The taxi skids away from Tabitha's house and travels at a steady pace. Just slow enough for me to look at pedestrians but not so slow that the pedestrians get a look at me. As we travel, Noah and I's eyes remain peeled on both sides of the road, our vision tracing the sidewalks.