I climb the stairs and tap gently on Sienna’s bedroom door.
‘Don’t come in,’ she says, sounding startled.
‘It’s me.’
‘Can you come back later?’
‘No. I’ll wait.’
Pressing my ear to the door panel, I hear drawers being closed and a window opening.
‘I really don’t want to talk to you today.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m not feeling well.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s talk about it.’
‘I’m getting changed. Won’t be a minute.’
The door eventually opens and Sienna spins away from me, crawling on to her bed and sitting against the wall, drawing up her knees and tugging her dark skirt tight over them. The room is tidier than I remember. The bloodstained rug has gone and the floorboards have been scrubbed clean.
Walking to the window, I glance outside, wondering if someone might have been with her. The garden is below. Sienna used to brag to Charlie about climbing out the window and shimmying down the rainwater pipe while her parents thought she was studying upstairs. A gnarled cherry tree has been cut back so its branches don’t scrape against the wall.
‘It must have been tough today.’
Her shoulders rise and fall.
‘You thought he might come, didn’t you?’
She doesn’t answer.
‘Mr Ellis was never going to come, Sienna. He says you made it all up.’
No answer.
‘Now he’s complained to the school that you’ve been harassing him. He wants you suspended.’
Sienna tilts her face and glares at me. ‘I don’t believe you.’
Behind her head I notice a torn strip of wallpaper curling like a roll of parchment. Beneath is an older layer with nursery rhyme characters. Little Bo Peep is visibly searching for her lost flock.
‘I don’t want to fight with you, Sienna. I just want to understand. ’
‘You can’t. You’re too old. You don’t know what it’s like to . . . to . . .’
‘Be in love?’
‘Yes.’
‘I know you believe your feelings, Sienna. You believe he loved you. Tell me how it started.’
‘And then you’ll leave me alone?’
‘If you help me understand.’
‘Remember I told you how I got the scar on my leg?’ she whispers. ‘Malcolm Hogbin dared me to climb a tree and I fell out.’
‘Yes.’
‘Mr Ellis was the first teacher to reach me. He carried me to the infirmary and got me a blanket and called the ambulance. Then he sat talking to me and told me really lame jokes until it arrived. “Don’t laugh or it’ll hurt more,” he said, and he wouldn’t let me look at my leg because the bone was sticking out. I remember wondering if he saw me fall. My dress flew up which meant he probably saw more of me than he should have, but having Mr Ellis see my underwear didn’t creep me out like I thought it might.
‘They had to put metal pins in my leg and I was in plaster for three months. Mr Ellis signed my cast. He drew a bird and signed his name.
‘“Why a bird?” I asked him.
‘“Because birds can fly, which you obviously can’t.”
‘I remember looking at his long fingers as he signed his name. He had such nice hands. And when he talked he had this deep round voice that rolled out of his mouth and burst in my ears. He said I could call him Gordon, but only when we were alone.’
‘You started to babysit Billy?’
She nods and smooths her skirt over her knees. Her bruised-looking eyes now look sleepy.
‘I missed six weeks of school, but Gordon helped me catch up. I know you think he’s done something wrong, but it wasn’t like that. He made me feel lovely. Grown up. Special.’
‘How old were you when he made you feel grown up?’
‘We were just sitting in his car and he put his finger beneath my chin. Suddenly his lips were right there, pushing against mine.’
She won’t look at me. Her forehead is resting on her knees.
‘I knew about sex. Lance kept magazines in his room and I once saw him and Margo Langdon going at it like nobody’s business in Simpson’s barn. Margo was on her back and Lance had his pants down and his backside was going up and down on top of her. I remember because Lance started whimpering and shaking and that’s when Margo turned her head and she looked straight at me.’
‘How old were you when you had sex with Gordon?’
‘Thirteen.’
‘That’s against the law.’
‘Juliet was only thirteen when she fell in love with Romeo. Gordon told me that.’
‘Romeo wasn’t forty.’
‘That doesn’t matter. True love doesn’t wait.’
She says it defiantly, parroting the words that I’m sure Gordon whispered in her ear when he took her.
‘I wish you could understand,’ she explains. ‘You don’t know how wonderful he makes me feel. He could have had any girl he wanted, but he chose me.’
‘He’s married.’
‘He was going to leave Natasha when I finished school. He doesn’t love her. He loves me!’
I produce a photograph from my pocket, holding it between my thumb and forefinger.
‘Remember I told you that Gordon had been married before? Her name is Carolinda Regan. Everyone called her Caro. She’s Billy’s proper mother. Nobody has seen her in three years.’
‘What about Natasha?’
‘Gordon met her at school - just like he met you. She was about your age.’
Sienna chews at her bottom lip leaving a carmine mark that slowly fades. Hugging her knees more tightly, she grimaces as though in pain. Her bare feet are tucked beneath the bedspread.
‘You told me that Gordon took you away for a weekend. Where?’
‘I don’t know exactly. It was during the summer. Natasha was in Scotland visiting her folks.’
‘Where was Billy?’
‘He came with us. We took him for a trip to the seaside. Gordon has a caravan. I told Mum that I was spending the night with Charlie.’
‘This caravan - is it near the beach?’
‘I think so. I can’t remember much of anything. The whole weekend is a blur. I know we left on Friday afternoon and I can remember coming home. Gordon said I slept most of the time. He said it was food poisoning.’
‘Is that the only time you went away?’
She nods. He eyelids are half closed. She forces them open.
‘Did anyone ever see you with Gordon outside of school?’
‘I don’t think so. Mostly we stayed in the car or went somewhere private. Sometimes I slept over when I was babysitting. I stayed in the spare room, which is next to where Billy sleeps. Gordon would sneak in and spend a few hours with me.’
‘What about Natasha?’
‘She was sleeping. I was scared she might wake up, but Gordon said that wouldn’t happen.’
‘Why?’
‘He mentioned something about sleeping pills.’
Sienna’s skin has grown ashen and beads of sweat prickle on her upper lip.
‘Did you ever tell anyone about Gordon?’
‘He made me promise.’
‘Did anyone suspect - someone at school, a friend?’
Her head rocks from side to side and then stops. ‘Miss Robinson asked me.’
‘What did she ask you?’
‘If I was spending time with Gordon outside of school.’
‘When was this?’
‘Late last year.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yes.’
‘Tell me where you went on that Tuesday - after Danny dropped you in town.’
Sienna shrugs. ‘It doesn’t matter any more.’
‘Did you meet up with Gordon? Did he take you somewhere?’
Sienna’s line of vision sweeps past me as though watching something terrible approaching. Something she has to escape from. She wants to run but I need her here. Gently gripping her shoulders, I make her meet my gaze.
‘You don’t have to be frightened, Sienna. I’m going to protect you.’