‘For lost youth.’ She smiled wistfully. ‘I ought to be happy he’s gone. But it was a shock, you know, finding him like that. And then you coming from the house.’
‘Had I been his killer,’ Andrew said after a moment’s pause, ‘would you have accepted my hands on you – afterwards?’
‘But it wasn’t you. You said so.’
‘No – it was not me,’ he nodded. ‘But I carry some responsibility, as I explained. Nor did I murder Throckmorton or Borin’s mother – but I let them both die. I chose neither to risk my own life in their defence, nor raise my hand to their escape. And I have killed this day. Two men, one of Davey’s murderers, and another of Marrott’s henchmen. So, I also have rat’s blood on my hands.’
The room was quiet a moment before she spoke. ‘It disturbs me knowing you kill people, Drew. I wish you didn’t. But you’re a good man and Borin wasn’t, even though he never killed anyone, at least I don’t think he did. He was brutal but he wasn’t courageous, and he couldn’t bear blood, not ever. Even with the rats, or when he beat me, he’d look away and heave. He tried to thump me in places I wouldn’t bleed. And I know you only do what you have to do, because of your work. So, I try not to mind and I do trust you.’
He smiled. ‘A great mistake.’
‘I’m always making mistakes,’ she murmured, ‘but you’re not one of them, Drew. And you haven’t even asked why I was out, when you told me to stay home and wait for you.’
‘I give orders either to serve my own needs or to serve another, and it would have been best if you’d kept warm indoors. But I don’t always expect to be obeyed. I’ve no authority over you, my love, and where I may seek to dominate others, I’ve no desire to do so with you.’
‘I went out,’ she said in a hurry, ‘because I wanted to follow – someone.’ She peeped up at him. ‘I’ve been putting off telling you, but I have to explain sooner or later. I was waiting at home. I meant to be obedient. But someone tiptoed out of the house so very quietly, so carefully and unobtrusive. And I knew who it was, you see. So, I followed him.’
Andrew said softly, ‘You followed Luke Parris?’
She nodded. ‘You know, then. But he must have guessed he was being trailed. Or perhaps he’s always wary. Anyway, he kept changing direction. Even though the weather was so horrid, he walked and walked and walked. Then eventually he left London through the Bishopsgate. I didn’t want to follow him any further because I don’t know my way outside London’s walls, and the streets are too open. He’d have seen me. So, that’s why I was walking back near my old home, and then I saw Ralph and Nat riding away, though they didn’t notice me in the dark, and there were other men too, three ruffians with weapons. I thought perhaps Borin had been up to mischief. It was quite a shock when I found him.’
‘I’m sorry about the shock.’ Andrew’s hands slid tighter. ‘But tell me, did Luke stop anywhere during his wanders?’
‘Briefly, at the apothecary’s,’ she said. ‘Time enough to buy – or sell – arsenic.’
‘Or other things.’
She frowned. ‘Don’t you believe Luke stole the poisons from your trunk, Drew? I thought you didn’t trust anyone. But you dismiss any suspicion of Luke. Do you like him so much?’
‘No,’ Andrew said softly, his fingers again playing in her hair. ‘I don’t like him at all. I never have.’
Tyballis sat up a little and turned to face him, abruptly dislodging his hands. ‘But you give him free lodging,’ she objected. ‘The best in the house, too. Luke has the entire attic to himself, with several rooms and a whole lot of furniture. And you never seem to think he’s guilty of anything.’
‘On the contrary.’ Andrew pulled her back down against his shoulder. ‘I believe Luke guilty of many things and capable of much more. But his quarters are better than others because he was the first, and has some right to them. And although I do not trust him any more than others, I will not suspect him of this particular theft until I have proof.’ He smiled down at her, his fingers crawling back to her curls. ‘Indeed, I’ve no desire to talk about Luke, nor any of this tedious business of ours. Can we turn to sweeter things, my love?’
‘It’s been a miserable day,’ she agreed. ‘I don’t want to think of Luke, or Borin, or that awful baron, or anyone except us. Besides,’ she smiled into his neck, ‘I know exactly why you trust Luke, and why you give him preference.’
Andrew raised one eyebrow. ‘You do? You surprise me, my love. But perhaps Luke has told you?’ She nodded, cuddling down. So, he sighed and said, ‘Then you understand. And we need speak no more of it.’
He had taken off his shirt, throwing it to the rug. Holding her against him, he lowered his hands to the hem of her shift and pulled it up over her legs and breasts, and finally over her head. It joined his shirt on the floor in front of the fire. Then he sat there himself, and pulled her down beside him.
She said, ‘You have a cut on your cheek, Drew. It shows up in the firelight. You didn’t tell me you were wounded.’
He smiled lazily, eyes narrowed against the flames. ‘Wounded? Almost to the death, my sweet. So, nurse me back to health.’
She kissed the little mark across his cheekbone, touching it gently with the tip of her tongue. Then she kissed his neck where the long narrow sinews joined his shoulder, warm flesh, muscle hard, tasting of musky wood smoke from the fire. She whispered, ‘So – where does it hurt the most, beloved?’
And he took her hand, pressing her fingers to his body. ‘Here, my love.’
The laces of his hose hung loose around his waist, and she slipped her hand inside, smoothing her palm over the flat warmth of his belly and down to the first thick prickles of hair. She did not know how to open the fastenings of a codpiece but explored tentatively, and then, finding confidence, began to unknot the laces.
He laughed softly, guiding her fingers directly around him. Then he leaned up on one elbow, took her hard down against him and kissed her eyes. ‘Lead me,’ he whispered to her ear. ‘You know everything now. So, take me.’
She whispered, ‘So you trust me after all?’
‘Entirely,’ he smiled, ‘though I’ll not admit to it tomorrow.’
‘So, you’ll obey me?’
‘For tonight.’
She smiled. ‘How challenging, my love. And what if I do something you don’t like – that doesn’t please you? You’re so difficult to please in most things.’
‘My dearest love, you’d need the imagination of a sorcerer to find anything to displease me tonight. Your slightest touch arouses me, the warm tickle of your breath arouses me, and the sweat between your breasts and the bright blue blink of your eyes. The fire lights you in cinnamon and scarlet, carving black shadows between your thighs, and that arouses me to insanity. If I were a little younger I would wait for nothing more, and take you now. But, being far easier to please than you imagine, I shall practise placid patience, and – with delight – simply watch as you lead me.’
‘I don’t know enough.’ She shook her head and her curls, wheat tinged vermillion by the flames, tumbled across her shoulders and over the rise of her breasts.
‘What cowardice, my love.’ He sat up suddenly and pushed her, belly down against the rug, then bent over, straddling her, his mouth to her ear and his hands to her waist. ‘I’ve taught you, perhaps not everything, but most.’ He began to knead the small muscles of her back, first pressing down her spine and then up, his hands sweeping across her body, his palms and his fingertips hard. She sighed, feeling the heat and the tingle. He smoothed down her neck, stoking first gently and then with pressure, the balls of his thumbs rubbing deep between her shoulder blades, manipulating each tendon, softening where he discovered tension as if remoulding her to his own taste. Then, following the ridges of her spine, his hands wandered lower, exploring the downy, yielding curves of her buttocks and the silk of her inner thighs. He bent his mouth again to her ear. ‘Moaning, my sweet? Tell my why. Tell me what you want.’