"What about all those souls remodeling your den? What about the ones being tortured down here?"
"Do you think I invited them here? We've been Heaven's junkyard since time began. I'm just making use of the freeloaders. The tortures are just day work for my less intelligent brethren. And truthfully, some souls are useless, not even fit for manual labor."
"I'm having a hard time with this poor, poor, pitiful me line, Count. Lucifer. What should I call you?"
"Anything you want, just don't call me later for dinner," Lucifer said. He looked Spyder in the eye. "The truth will set you free. But it might also hurt your feelings: You see, humanity isn't even on my radar. My quarrel is with Heaven, not you."
Spyder looked at Lucifer's palace, thinking over everything he'd seen and heard. "You're my friend. At least Count Non was. I don't really know what to believe right now."
"Admit it. You want me to be a monster. Humanity has to find someone to blame for its crimes. The problem is that you never really believed Copernicus. You still think you're the center of the universe and that all creation revolves around you."
"You've been practicing this speech for a while, haven't you?"
"I'll give you an another example. The snake in the garden of Eden?"
"Yeah?"
"It was just a snake. I was never there. Humanity's first real decision was to defy God. So was mine. That's the reason I make you uncomfortable. We're so much alike." Lucifer leaned closer, speaking quietly. "In Heaven I tempted mortals for God's benefit. It's a hard habit to break. But I always worked on the little things. Lust. Jealousy. Greed. Humanity didn't need any help with the big sins. It was you who ate the apple and fell from grace. It was you when Carthage was raped and burned and the earth salted. It was you at Hiroshima and Wounded Knee and Auschwitz and at every lynching of every -hapless sharecropper who dared to meet the eyes of a white woman."
"You must really hate us. If we didn't exist, you'd still be in Heaven."
"I don't hate you. You're children and don't know any better. And if it hadn't been you, something else would have set off the troubles between God and me." Lucifer shrugged. "Fathers and sons."
"Did you have anything to do with taking my blind- fold off?"
"Why would I do that? I don't like many mortals and the few I do care for should be off living their lives, not going mad down here. You were trapped by something else. There's a black cloud around you that I can't see through, which means I can't help you. But you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later."
"Who's the Painted Man?"
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "The boogey man for demons. The Painted Man is the monster in the closet. Dr. Moriarty. Kayser Soze. He's supposedly a creature of pure chaos, neither God nor angel nor demon, who one day will come to destroy us. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I heard a demon mention him."
"That's all? And you called me the Prince of Lies." -Lucifer stretched and stuck out his long legs. "Don't trouble your handsome young head, Spyder Lee, you're not the Painted Man."
"Is Xero?"
"No, but he thinks he is and that makes him dangerous."
"How do you know he's not?"
"If he were I would have smelled him coming. I'd have tasted him. I'd have heard every beat of his heart. If the Painted Man ever sets foot in Hell, I'll know it."
Spyder looked down and saw a half-smoked cigarette lying at his feet. He picked up the butt and smoothed it straight. "Got a light?" he asked. Lucifer handed him a pink fur lighter.
"This is Lulu's," said Spyder.
"She dropped it by the Bone Sea. I was going to return it the next time I saw her."
Spyder lit the butt and dropped the lighter into his jacket pocket. It felt good to pull the smoke into his lungs.
"What's the deal with all the Satanic losers back home? Do you like them? Do they drive you crazy? What about Anton LaVey?"
"I love Anton LaVey. I love all carnies. God can have the meek. I'll take the grifters."
"You've got an answer for everything. I'll give you that, Count."
"We all have to live with ourselves, especially here. I'll tell you something, because I think you'll understand: I know that our Heaven is quite probably a pointless and futile thing, but we'll build it anyway, because it's all the Heaven we're ever likely to have."
Across the plaza, Ashbliss came with Lulu and Shrike. The men rose as they got closer. Both Lulu and Shrike went right to the man they knew as Count Non and hugged him.
Spyder said, "Ladies, let me introduce you to the man in black, his infernal badness, Lucifer."
Shrike and Lulu looked at the devil. Shrike took -Spyder's hand. Lulu smiled. "Count Non, you tricky fuck. I knew there was something about you. Not many men can make me question my gender preferences."
Lucifer looked at Ashbliss. "I'll talk to you later, dung beetle. Vanish." He snapped his fingers and the little demon was gone.
"Here," said Spyder, and handed Lulu back her lighter.
"Where'd you find it?"
"I'll tell you later."
"What happens now?" asked Shrike.
"Under other circumstances I'd probably throw a party. Given the current unpleasantness, I'll just take you to the book."
"Just like that?"
"Unless you'd like to wait around in the open for Xero to attack again." Lucifer nodded to the hills beyond the golden step-pyramid. Men and demons were massing along the ridge.
Lucifer turned to Shrike. "By the way, it's nice to finally see your eyes. They're lovely."
"Thank you. It's good to see you, but a little strange, too."
"I get that a lot."
Lucifer started across the square to his palace as the others followed. Spyder looked over his shoulder and saw Xero's troops starting down the hill for Pandemonium.
Fifty Two
Waiting for the End of the World
The entrance to Lucifer's palace was covered in flowers.
Bloody roses snaked, on unnaturally long stalks, around the main entrance, a wide portico which let onto an immense reception hall. Inside, the roses were joined by clusters of white lilies and fleshy pink and tiger-striped orchids. The white marble floor was covered with a rich, purple carpet, trimmed in gold. On one wall were exquisitely detailed anatomy charts of humans, demons and every kind of animals Spyder had ever seen. On the opposite wall hung a huge tapestry, a rendering of -William -Blake's "Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun." Along the back wall was what Spyder took to be Lucifer's trophy gallery.
Victorian-style curiosity cabinets were laid out neatly around the gently curved walls. The first cabinet held a kind of black knotted lump floating in air behind leaded glass. The little plaque at the bottom of the case read, John the Baptist's Heart. Next to it was a set of battle armor, blackened, the metal ripped and melted by some monstrous blast. "That's mine. From the old days," Lucifer told Spyder. Nearby was a silver trumpet. "Gabriel's. I nicked it on the way out the door." The next cabinet held a crown of thorns. "No explanation needed there, I suppose." Rare plants and animals were lying in bell jars and pinned in display cases. They were all alive, but trapped. Two cases side-by-side held an assortment of Fabergé eggs and different kinds of puzzle boxes. Lucifer shrugged and said, "I just like them." Another glass case contained a kind of black, swirling nothingness that seemed to suck light into itself. It was labeled, Chaos. At the end of the row was a cage and in it lay the book. It was as tall as -Spyder and the covers were riveted plates of solid steel, with runes etched into the surface. When Spyder saw it, he thought, This is not a human's book.
"I feel sick," said Shrike. She clutched her chest.
"Is it the key?" Spyder asked. "We're near the book. It's probably trying to get out."