The bed creaks, and I can tell he’s sat next to me. There’s a long pause before he replies, “Fiona, are you saying you’re jealous that I can see you?”
“All the time.” Tears spill out against my will. It sounds so ridiculous put in those terms, but it’s true. “It’s not fair.”
He puts his hand on my hip and gently squeezes. “Why haven’t you ever told me this?”
“Because it’s stupid. I knew you’d say that, too. I’m supposed to be happy about it, feel lucky, and so often I just wish I was you. Sometimes it’s downright infuriating that you know what I look like naked and I don’t.”
He lets out a low chuckle, mocking me just like I thought he would. “You’re right. It’s not fair. At all.”
I freeze, not sure I heard that right. Pulling the pillow from my head, I look at him. His eyes meet mine, and they’re softer than I’ve seen them in weeks. “What?”
“There’s nothing fair about it.” He lies down next to me, our noses almost touching. “You know what else isn’t fair? That Brady has to be afraid of hurting Bea when all he wants is to hold her. It’s not fair that Hector’s ears hurt constantly, or that Graham never has to go through an airport security line. Also, it’s not fair that your mom can unlock any door she wants, or that my dad can apparently fight like Bruce Lee. Nothing’s fair about life, but would it be any different without mutations?”
I frown. “It’d at least be a little more even.”
“Would it?” He pushes my hair behind my ear. “Good people would still be poor. Horrible people would still find power. And it would still be almost impossible to find the right time to tell your crazy girlfriend how much you love her.”
My eyes bug out. Suddenly all the weird, awkward moments between us the past several weeks make much more sense. “That is horrible timing. Like, seriously random, Seth.”
He smiles. “Hey, I figure I better let you know in case that drug does something terrible to you. So it’s out—I love you.”
My stomach fills with butterflies. What was a huge fight now makes complete sense. I thought he considered me stupid for what I was doing, when all he was worried about was losing the girl he loves. Me. He loves me. Though I assumed he loved me, I had no idea hearing the words out loud would mean so much. But they change everything, like a lens bringing the world into focus.
“I love you, too.”
He kisses me, and everything else is forgotten. I pull him on top of me, my insecurities nowhere in sight. I thought I needed to see myself to feel okay with this, but what I really needed was to know where we stood. Now that I know he’s that committed to me, I feel free. My head spins as I get maybe a little too lost in him, considering we’re in an underground bunker.
Then what felt like butterflies in my stomach changes to a sharp stabbing sensation. I gasp, and Seth pulls back.
“Did I…?” His face goes pale as he takes me in, and the stabbing spreads so quickly that I can’t find the ability to scream.
“S-Seth…w-what’s…hurts…”
He’s off the bed without a reply. I think I hear the door slam, but the pain has consumed every inch of my body. It feels like I’m burning from the inside out on top of swallowing hundreds of tiny razors.
Looks like the red pill has decided to do something after all.
My body shakes violently, and I pray I don’t throw up. I’m really starting to regret my choice when I hear Seth’s voice again. “Hurry and help her!”
“I can try.” I think it’s the nurse speaking, but I can’t move my head enough to see. “Except I can’t give her an IV, and I’m not sure her stomach will handle pain pills. The other patients are experiencing acute pain as well—none of them have passed through it yet.”
“I don’t care about the details!” Seth yells. “Just help her!”
The nurse tries to give me pills, but putting them in my mouth triggers my gag reflex and I lose it. Seth grabs the pink bin just in time to catch it. As I heave, I’m vaguely aware of the fact that my puke glistens.
I’ve never seen that before.
“It’ll be okay,” Seth says as he helps me lie back.
“Mm.” My vision is blurry and dim. It might be playing tricks with me, but I swear that the last thing I see before I pass out is spindly red veins in the shape of a hand.
My hand.
Chapter 39
When I open my eyes, Seth sits at my bedside. His eyes fill with relief, and I get the sense that I was out for a lot longer than it feels. “It’s good you’re awake, because you promised not to die.”
“How long…?” That’s when I notice there’s something weird in my vision, and it stays in the same place no matter which way I move my head. I have to cross my eyes to look at it, and that’s when I realize the thing is a nose and that it probably belongs to me. I raise my hand, and for the first time in my life there are fingers and palm, forearm and elbow.
“You’re not dreaming,” Seth says.
“Are you sure?” Because I can see my skin, and it’s tanner than I expected. My nails are seriously stubby, but there are the freckles Seth described. They make me smile.
He nods. “More like you were having a nightmare. You were in so much pain they finally knocked you out with something. The drug took a couple hours to fully work, and Allie was so excited I wanted to punch her.”
I sit up, though I don’t immediately turn to the mirror. Instead I look at the door, reveling in the fact that there’s more than clothing in my peripheral vision. “Where is she?”
“I told her you’d want to be alone when you saw yourself for the first time, and that I’d call her when you wanted.” He takes my hand, and when I look at it on mine my heart leaps for joy it’s so beautiful. “Should I go now?”
Nodding, I say, “You know me too well. Thanks, Seth.”
“Of course.” He kisses my cheek, blocking my view of the mirror. “Just so you know, Allie said the other patients are seeing less effectiveness already. You might not have much time.”
“Okay.” I gulp, knowing the people I most want to show could be impossible to reach. “Any word on my family?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
Seth leaves then, and it’s just me and the mirror. My heart pounds with excitement. This still feels like a dream, and for a moment I’m afraid I’ll wake up the second I try to look. So I pull off my blankets, and there are my legs and feet jutting out of the white leggings. The hair on my calves isn’t nearly as bad as I imagined, just a light blond that hardly stands out. Bending over to touch my toes, I run my fingers over them in awe. They are real. I’m real.
I choke back tears. It’s a miracle. Even if it won’t last long. I want to kiss Allie for this chance.
Taking a deep breath, I decide it’s time for the mirror. I turn quickly, and for the first time my own eyes are staring right back at me. I can’t move as I take myself in. It’s like meeting someone I’m sure I should know, but I can’t quite remember them.
I’m shocked that the first things I see are the people who made me—Mom and Dad. Mom’s wild hair. Dad’s sharp jawline. Mom’s eyes. Dad’s cheek bones. For a moment it’s jarring to think I look like the guy who hurt us so much, but then I start to see how much Miles and I resemble each other. If I was visible all the time, there’d be no mistaking us as siblings. That makes everything better.