“That isn’t what anyone is thinking.” His hands tightened on her arms. “Arjenie, I will be faithful to you unto death.”
Her heart leaped into her throat. Her hand flew there, trying to keep it from jumping right out of her body. “No. No, you’re mistaken.”
“The mate bond snapped into place the moment our eyes met. I was wolf at the time, but it didn’t matter.”
“You can’t be right.” She tugged at one of his hands. “Let go. Let go of me.”
His hands dropped. “It’s why your Gift doesn’t work on me. It’s why we take comfort from touching each other, why we know where the other is at all times.”
“I don’t know that. I had to ask Cullen where you were this morning. I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t you? I knew where you were. I felt it. That sense will grow stronger after we cement the bond. It’s why we want each other so badly. I think about your skin, your scent. I want to feel your hair against my skin. I want inside you. I don’t know how I managed to stop when I kissed you this afternoon.”
Her stomach churned. “My mother was beguiled into sex. She never got over it. She never—”
“This isn’t anything like faerie glamour. There’s no illusion involved. The connection is real and physical. Lily wanted me to tell you so you would understand why you can’t fly back to D.C.”
“I live in D.C.! My career is there. My family’s in Virginia. I’m not going to—”
“We’ll have to work that out. I don’t know how yet, but we can’t live on opposite coasts. We can’t put that much distance between us. The mate bond won’t allow it, especially now when—”
“I don’t believe you! This can’t be true. You have to be mistaken. Or—or there’s some way to make it go away. To remove it.”
“Arjenie.” His eyes were frantic. His hands were clenched fists at his sides. “The bond can’t be removed. You have to believe me. Don’t fight the bond. Please. I beg you not to fight it.”
He begged her? This man didn’t beg. He didn’t. She wanted to hold him, soothe him. She wanted to do other things, too, that wouldn’t be at all soothing. Was this ache, this need, not really hers? Had it been imposed on her? “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “I don’t understand any of this.” She took a step back. Another. “Do you want it? Did you want this mate bond?”
“When it hit, it was the last thing I wanted in this world.”
The words were wrenched from his gut. She believed him. Benedict hadn’t wanted this, hadn’t done it to her. To them. “Okay.” She nodded. “I have to think. I have to get away and think.”
“Don’t go. Stay. Talk to me. Ask me questions.”
“I’m going to take a walk.” Yes. Yes, that felt right. “I won’t go far. You tell me I can’t go far, so I won’t, but I have to think. There must be a way to fix this. I have to think, figure out how to fix this.”
His hand rose … and fell again. “There is one possible fix. It’s a last resort. It would be painful and dangerous for you, and it’s … forbidden to me, but I won’t let you suffer. If you try but you can’t adapt to the mate bond, can’t live with it, tell me.”
She stared at him a moment, her head boiling with thoughts that rose and popped before she could grasp a single one. She nodded slowly, then turned and fled.
“‘I didn’t mean to.’” Lily quoted herself bitterly. “Those are the most useless words in the world.”
“But you didn’t mean to.” Rule drew the brush through her wet hair. He’d washed it for her. “You didn’t know it was possible, so how could you have guarded against it?”
They sat together in the center of Rule’s bed, her back to his front. She wore one of his button-down shirts since she didn’t feel right about sleeping naked here like she did at home. He wore what he always slept in. Skin.
Dirty Harry was back, running his motor and allowing Lily to pet him. That brought a faint smile to her lips. While Rule petted her, she petted the cat. “I was already mindspeaking her, though it only worked one way. I should have considered the possibility that I could send a thought as well.”
“As clever as you are, you might give a thought to world peace. I’m sure if you considered the possibility—”
“I’m too tired to hit you.”
“Not too tired to beat up on yourself, however.”
“No, that’s actually easier to do when I’m tired.” It was a hair short of midnight and Lily was in the unwelcome state of being deeply weary but wide awake. The wide-awake part may have had something to do with the coffee she’d enjoyed so much. The weary part she blamed on her arm. Pain made her tired.
Lily leaned back against him. His arms came around her as automatically as breathing.
Neither Benedict nor Arjenie had come back after Lily forced Benedict’s hand. Lily wanted that to mean they’d gone off to have mind-blowing sex in private. She was pretty sure the real reason for their absence was a lot more complicated and unhappy.
She couldn’t fix things for Benedict, so her mind veered toward something she might be able to fix. They’d talked out the situation after Benedict and Arjenie left—not the Benedict and Arjenie situation, but the one with Friar and the Old One they suspected was his new mistress.
There were two immediate concerns. One, as Lily had said, was getting word to Croft. Friar had risked a lot with his attempt to kill Ruben. Lily figured that meant the last thing Friar and/or the Great Bitch wanted was for the government to be aware of them—so she’d better make damn sure it was.
Even encrypted, e-mail was too risky. Friar couldn’t Listen to that, but there was a traitor in the Bureau, possibly within the Unit itself. A mole. Lily didn’t dare assume that mole was unable to access e-mail accounts.
The question, then, was who to send? Cynna was too close to D-Day to fly across the country, and Cullen wouldn’t leave her. Lily could appropriate someone from the local FBI office, but that might tip off their enemies. She wasn’t omniscient, but she could observe multiple locations on Earth simultaneously, probably while painting her nails and playing Grand Theft Auto—or whatever beings the age of the universe did for fun and relaxation. Her main limitation was communication. It was extremely hard for her to communicate with her agents here on Earth, but hard did not equal impossible. Another nutty telepath like Helen would do the trick nicely.
In the end, Lily had settled on Jeff. He could fly home to North Carolina without sending up any warning flags. One he arrived in Raleigh, though, instead of heading for Leidolf Clanhome he’d drive up to D.C. to hand-deliver Lily’s report.
There was the little problem of getting Jeff in to see Croft without anyone else seeing the report. So Lily would call Croft when Jeff was on his doorstep and tell him, “Code 300. Courier Jeffrey Merrick Lane has information for your eyes only.”
“Code 300” meant that all channels were possibly compromised, and sensitive information was to be conveyed in person only. Lily couldn’t actually declare a Code 300—only Ruben or the director had that authority. But using it ought to get Croft’s attention.
It was slow, convoluted, and downright paranoid, but they were up against an Old One. Paranoid made sense.
The other issue—one Lily hadn’t thought of until Rule brought it up—was the meeting taking place the day after tomorrow. They had to assume Friar was aware of it. He couldn’t Listen to conversations at any of the clanhomes, but none of them had been careful to speak only when at their respective clanhomes. Wouldn’t a meeting of the heirs of seven clans strike him as a dandy target? “You’re sure you want to hold this meeting still?” she said.