Dale looked at me apologetically. “I know it’s a lot to take in. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
I wasn’t sure of anything right now. But I nodded slowly.
Dale searched my face for a moment. “Okay. I dated your mother when we were in college. We went out for a while, then she broke up with me. About a month later, she called to tell me she was pregnant and needed money for an abortion. I gave it to her, offered to take her to the doctor, help her out afterward, but she shut me down. Said it was her problem and she could handle it. I called her a week later to see if she was okay, but she didn’t answer. And I never saw or heard from her again. I had no idea she’d had the baby.”
I shook my head. “No, that’s not right. Celeste got pregnant after a one-night stand. She went to a party, got drunk, slept with a guy whose name she never knew.”
“That’s what she told you?” Dale shook his head, then a little smile crossed his lips. “Celeste. She was Charlene when I knew her. But I’m not surprised she changed it. She hated the name, thought it sounded too hillbilly.”
Hillbilly? He was definitely talking about Celeste. But it just wouldn’t sink in. I had another dizzy spell. I’d stopped breathing again. I inhaled. Better. My brain started to work. “Why would she say she didn’t know the father? Why tell me he was just a one-nighter?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I have a good guess. Maybe because if you knew the truth, you might find me. And then I’d be coming around-which was the last thing she’d have wanted.” Dale hesitated, his expression pained. “Look, Samantha, I don’t want to speak ill of her-”
Most of my pistons were firing now. This had to be bullshit. I snapped at him. “Really? ’Cause I do. All the time. But why wouldn’t she want to keep you around? We were broke. She needed the money. And besides, she’d have been thrilled to have a free babysitter.” Getting tied down with a kid was the last thing in the world she’d wanted.
He sighed. “I didn’t have money-certainly not the kind she was aiming for-and she didn’t want a low-rent loser in her life. It’s one thing to be a single mom with a little girl. A lot of men wouldn’t mind stepping into that picture. But it’s another to be a single mom with a child and an ex-boyfriend who’s always around. She was looking for a guy with big bucks, and she didn’t want anything to get in the way of that.”
That explanation made me slow down and reconsider. It was exactly how she’d think. Celeste was all about the money. I’d spent my childhood watching her pan for gold with one boyfriend after another. “Then why’d she go out with you to begin with?”
“I looked better off than I was. I went to UCLA, and she went to Cal State Northridge. I had a better car than I deserved-an Audi that I’d inherited from a cousin who had some money. And when I met her, I didn’t have to work. But when my dad got laid off and I had to get a job, Char-I mean Celeste-saw that I was almost as broke as she was. It took her about five minutes to decide we weren’t ‘right’ for each other.” He shook his head. “And actually, she was right. We weren’t. I don’t know why it took me so long to admit it. I guess I was just deluding myself that she was someone else. Someone who’d wake up and realize love was more important.”
Everything he was saying about her fit. That was her. That was Celeste. But I still couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be true. It was some bizarre coincidence. It had to be. And there was an easy way to prove it. “Would you be willing to take a paternity test?”
“Absolutely. And I don’t blame you for being skeptical. They can swab me in the infirmary and send it… wherever you want. If you get a private lab, you’ll have the answer in a day or two.”
Just the fact that he’d agreed to do it so readily was a jolt. He might be mistaken-I was sure he was-but he wasn’t lying. “How… when did you… figure this out?”
“When I found out I might be charged with the murders, I put together a list of lawyers and checked out everyone on it-their whole life history.” He saw my raised eyebrow and nodded. “I know. I’m a little OCD. It’s how I cope, by trying to know everything. When I saw your birth date and that your mother was Charlene Brinkman, I couldn’t believe it. But the timing was too perfect, and I knew she hadn’t been seeing anyone else.”
I gave him a skeptical look. “How can you be so sure?”
Dale shrugged. “We were together all the time until she broke up with me. And after that, I still saw her around, heard about her from mutual friends. She wasn’t with anyone.” He sighed. “Look, I know this is hard for you. It’s a lot to take in. Tell you the truth, I didn’t believe it myself at first.” Dale paused and shook his head. “It was so crazy. To find out that not only did I have another daughter but…” His voice trailed off as his gaze took in my hair, my eyes, my face. “But when I met you in person, I knew it was true.” Dale frowned. “Anyway, like I said, I’ll be glad to take the test-”
I cut him off. “Is that why you hired me?”
Dale pulled back abruptly. “What? No! It’s why I almost didn’t. I met with five other lawyers, and I was still thinking about going with the last one before I met with you-”
“Messinger?”
“Right. But I wasn’t that impressed with him. And this is my life we’re talking about. I wanted the best.” He looked at me with a mixture of pride and sadness. “You were it.” He looked down and rubbed a spot on the counter in front of him. “I’m sorry about all of this. Especially having to meet this way.” He looked up with a little smile. “But you just blow me away. I can’t believe I have a grown-up daughter who’s so brilliant, so beautiful.” His eyes misted and he blinked fast, then cleared his throat. “Not that I take any credit for it.”
In that moment, my mother’s phone call, her strange fury at my taking the case, came back to me. It all made sense now. She knew that even if Dale didn’t tell me, if the press dug hard enough, they could find the connection. Then everyone would know she’d dated-and had a child with-a murderer. In her mind, she’d never live it down.
Dale spoke again. “Samantha, if you want to get off the case, I’ll understand. It was probably crazy to think this could be okay. I just felt like in the middle of this friggin’ nightmare, it was the one ray of light.” He shook his head. “I guess going from cop to murder suspect in the space of a week left me kind of… unhinged.” He dropped his gaze down at the counter again. “I considered not telling you, but I couldn’t risk you finding out on the four o’clock news.” He looked up at me. “I can only hope that you’ll forgive me.”
I couldn’t find any words. I had no coherent thoughts. My feelings were so tangled I couldn’t even name them. When I spoke, my lips felt numb. “I-I need to think about this. I’m… not sure what I should do.” Dale’s case had to get to trial as soon as possible, and it wasn’t just a trial strategy. Maximum security or not, his life was in danger here. “I’ll figure this out. Tonight. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
I hung up the phone and signaled for the guard to let me out.
TWENTY-TWO
I wound up in my car with no memory of having left the jail or walking through the parking lot. It probably wasn’t safe for me to be on the road, but since traffic was bumper-to-bumper and moving about three miles an hour, I couldn’t get into any serious trouble.
I barely noticed how I was inching along as my brain fumbled with the surreality of what I’d just heard. I remembered how I used to fantasize about who my father was when I was a kid. Especially during the dark time. I’d dream he was a martial-arts fighter or a Navy Seal or a Green Beret, who’d come to save me and never let anyone hurt me again. My knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. I made myself take a deep breath. In. Out. Let it go.