Chester Luce was rearranging the dry goods when the bell over the door tinkled. He liked to rearrange. When business was slow, which was practically always, he sometimes spent entire days moving items from one shelf to another and back again. Turning, he hid his surprise at seeing Sally. She rarely came into the store, in large part because Adolphina made no secret of her disdain for loose women. “Miss Worth. What can I do for you?”
“I have brought news, Mayor,” Sally said, casting a worried glance at the door to the Luce living quarters.
“Is that ornery pig making a nuisance of himself again?” Chester asked. “I keep telling those Mexicans to keep it penned up.”
“It is not the pig,” Sally said. “It is your wish come true. There is a man over to the saloon who has come here to kill somebody.”
“Really and truly?” Chester said, excitement coursing through him like rapids through a chasm. “I had about given up hope.”
“Better hurry on over there before he changes his mind,” Sally Worth suggested.
“I take it you do not approve?”
“Not of killing, I don’t. I have seen my share, heard about a lot more, and if there is one thing I have learned, it is that no good ever comes of taking a human life.”
“Oh, come now,” Chester said. “No good comes from taking the life of outlaws? No good comes from taking the lives of marauding Indians? Your argument is specious.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” Sally said. “And I’m not arguing, Your Honor. I am telling you God’s gospel truth.”
“With all due respect, Miss Worth, what do you know of the Almighty? You, a blatant sinner.”
Sally Worth appraised him critically, then said, “Well, now. I always thought you were different from your wife, but I was wrong. Yes, I am a sinner, but who among us isn’t? Just because I part my legs for money does not mean I don’t know the difference between what is right and what is wrong, and what you have done is wrong.”
“I didn’t hear you object when all those people came to town to view the bodies,” Chester noted. “You about wore yourself out those three days, which is quite a feat considering you were flat on your back. How much did you earn?”
“That was low, Chester,” Sally said.
“It was God’s gospel truth, to quote you. So do not presume to take on airs with me. You stand to benefit as much as the rest of us off the killing you so despise.”
“At my age I can’t afford not to,” Sally said. “But that does not mean I have to like it.”
“Whether you do or you don’t is of no consequence,” Chester said flatly. “And for your information, you and I are in the same boat as everyone else in Coffin Varnish. Our town is in desperate need of an influx of money or it will wither and die. If it helps, think of the killing as a civic necessity.”
“You have air between your ears,” Sally said.
Chester walked toward the pegs on which his jacket and hat were hung. “I thank you for coming to tell me. You may go now.” He did not turn around until the bell tinkled and the door closed. Before leaving he went to the full-length mirror and checked that his suit was dust-free. In politics, impressions were everything.
The sun’s glare made Chester squint. He hurried across the street, noticed a sorrel at the hitch rail with a fairly expensive saddle. Its owner was at the bar, drinking. Win was behind the bar. There was no sign of Sally Worth, which suited Chester just fine. He liked her but she had a tendency to forget her station in the scheme of things.
Introductions were made.
Paunch Stevens got right to the point. “In a little while a gent by the name of Club Caine will show up. He and I are at odds. We have agreed to shoot it out and came to your town to do the deed.”
“I commend you on your decision,” Chester said. “You will find that we bend over backwards to make this as easy as we can.”
“What is the first step?” Paunch asked.
“Maybe it would be best to address both of you at the same time,” Chester said. “So I do not need to repeat myself.”
“I suppose that makes sense.” Paunch emptied his glass and asked Win Curry to refill it.
“Haven’t you had enough?”
“I will decide whether I have or I haven’t,” Paunch said. He smacked the glass down on the counter.
Win shrugged and poured. Long ago he had learned not to argue with belligerent drunks.
Chester asked for a whiskey, then went out and sat in a rocking chair. No sooner was he comfortable than a rider appeared. He guessed who it was. With growing excitement he waited for the next participant to arrive, and when the rider finally drew rein, Chester studied him with interest. He noticed how the man limped when he turned from the hitch rail, and noticed, too, the unusual revolver the man wore. “You would be the other duelist.”
“The what?” Club Caine said. “Oh. Yes. I guess I am, at that, although I do not regard this as a duel in the strict sense of the term.” He nodded at the other horse at the hitch rail. “Paunch Stevens is already here, I gather?”
“He showed up about an hour ago,” Chester said. Rising, he extended his hand and revealed who he was. “Now that you are here, I can explain to both of you exactly how this works.”
Club Caine flexed his bad leg a few times. “There is really only one thing I want to know. Who sees to the burying, afterward? I will be damned if I lift a finger in his behalf.”
Chester stepped to the batwings and called out for Paunch Stevens to join them.
Paunch took his time. He had heard the horse ride up. He finished his drink, paid, and strolled out, not at all concerned that the liquor had him feeling as if he could walk on clouds. “So you actually came?”
“Did you hope I wouldn’t so you could go around telling everyone I am afraid of you?”
Chester moved between them. “Gentlemen, if you please. Save the barbs for later. We have business to discuss. How about if we repair to the bar as this might take a while?”
“I wouldn’t mind another drink,” Paunch Stevens said.
“None for me,” Caine declared.
Paunch snickered. “Any man who can’t hold liquor usually can’t shoot worth a damn, either.”
“You will find out just how well I shoot soon enough.”
Chester waved his hands. “Enough of this bickering. Mr. Stevens, you go first. I will follow with Mr. Caine.”
“Make sure he doesn’t shoot me in the back,” Paunch said. “That would be his style.”
“You despicable pig,” Club said.
Paunch Stevens laughed.
To Winifred Curry, the advent of the three into his saloon was immediate cause for worry. “No shooting in here! It took me half a day to clean up the blood from the last mess.”
Chester puffed out his chest and grandly sauntered to the bar. “The shooting will take place in the street. We must first discuss the preliminaries.”
“The what?” Paunch Stevens said.
“The permit fee, the burial costs,” Chester recited. “All those must be dealt with before you can draw your guns.”
“The hell you say?”
“Didn’t you read our notice in the Times? Mention was made of all of it,” Chester said.
Club Caine nodded. “I read the notice.”
“Good. Then as soon as you each have paid the fee and signed the form our lawyer drew up, I will set a time for the killing to commence.”
“Hold on,” Paunch said. “What is this fee you keep mentioning? And why in hell do we have to sign something?”
“The form releases Coffin Varnish of all liability,” Chester explained. “Our lawyer thought it prudent. After all, we do not want you to blame our town if all you do is cripple one another.”
“You have thought of everything,” Club Caine said.