And that finally seemed to spark a sense of panic in her.
She flailed her arms around in front of him, her lips moving in a rapid stream of words.
But her brother remained oblivious, half turned away from her.
“Oh, come on,” I said to him, knowing he couldn’t hear me, but unable to resist the urge to say something. “Look at her.” It would have been one thing for her to try and fail anyway, but for her to try and have him not even be aware of it? That wasn’t fair to either of them.
She stopped jumping around and shouting, then, to stare at him, her focus almost palpable.
Yeah, like that was going to work.
But to my surprise, after only a few seconds, he turned swiftly, almost as if he didn’t realize he was moving until it was too late to stop, and their gazes locked. For the first time, I recognized clear similarities between them.
He was older now, of course, so they looked more like regular siblings than twins. But their hair color, the shape of their faces…I could see it now.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…She mouthed the words, slowly and distinctly, but her gaze conveyed desperation.
The cynic in me kind of thought this probably had way more to do with her panic over her own state than with some intense desire to make everything right with her brother.
But then she reached out to touch his arm, even though that wasn’t possible, and I felt a strange kind of pressure in the air, like a bubble pushing us outward. Then, a very familiar warmth and brightness began to spill from above.
No. No way.My gut twisted in shock and disappointment. Son of a bitch.She gets light?
Erin stepped back in surprise, her body tensed as if she were about to bolt. But I saw it the moment that rush of warmth washed over her. Her appearance solidified, taking on the glow of the light, and she relaxed with a smile, virtually swimming in her newly found peace and acceptance. And I wished I could hit her.
Squinting into the light, Ed held his hand up over his eyes, tears leaving bright tracks down his cheeks.
I was pretty sure I was crying, too, though more out of fury and bitterness. I was being left behind again. Even after everything I’d done. Quelle surprise.
Ed watched the unnatural brightness slowly pouring down, like honey from a jar, and he stepped forward quickly, as though he might try to go with. “Erin!”
But she held her hand out to stop him and gave him an all-knowing, peaceful smile, one that suggested she’d reached some new insight on her life (and death) in those few seconds. Or maybe just being in the light made everything else seem less important by comparison. I didn’t know—most of my memories of my time in the light were gone.
As I watched, Erin waved good-bye to her brother.
Ed seemed to be barely holding it together, based on the way his shoulders were shaking, but he managed to wave back.
Then I looked on with wholehearted envy as Erin stepped back fully into the light, her face tilted up to bask in the warmth I barely remembered.
Her form grew brighter until it blended with the light and vanished.
Choking on sobs, Ed turned and fled, leaving me alone with Lily’s crumpled body.
I sighed. Or tried to. No noise came out. I felt a spike of panic. It seemed I was only seconds behind Erin on her previous path to disappearance, and the light sure as hell wasn’t going to appear over my head to beam meup at the last second.
Except…
The light hadn’t retreated yet, I realized with a start. Unlike my previous encounters with it, the light was lingering, a golden and welcoming column only a few feet away. Like it was waiting for something.
For me? Hope pulsed through me. Was it even possible?
I was afraid to move, like if I did anything to attract its attention, it might vanish…again.
With trepidation, I dragged myself a few inches forward, testing; but to my surprise, it didn’t pull back.
If anything, it moved closer…or perhaps it simply expanded until the outer edge reached me.
I felt its warmth and strength seeping into me, and I almost cried out with relief. I looked down and saw my body returning, filling in and becoming solid again, only this time with a glow that I recognized as part of the light.
Pushing myself to crawl again, I discovered it was easier than before, like I might be able to stand soon and walk into the light.
After a few feet, I paused to listen, trying to identify a new sound that was still somehow familiar. Harsh, raspy, uneven.
I looked over and found myself next to Lily’s body. She was flipped over on her side, her arm dangling limply, and without Erin, she was, as expected, dying. That new sound was her struggling for breath.
I froze even in the outer reaches of that eternal warmth, uncertain what to do. Without me, Lily would die. No question. But I was being offered the chance I’d been waiting for. The light was here. For me, this time.
I craved the light like the air I’d once needed to breathe, as Lily still did, and this close to it, I felt it pulling at me as if it were a home I’d never known and yet missed desperately.
But I was being offered a choice here, wasn’t I? And there had to be a reason for that.…Right?
Maybe.I sat back on my knees in frustration.
It was always about choices, just like I’d told Erin. But how was I supposed to know what the right one was in this scenario?
I got the sense that this choice—to stay or go—might have been one I’d struggled with before. It held a vague and misty sense of familiarity that surrounded everything I remembered—or didn’t—about the light. Was it possible that I hadn’t been sentback but had chosento come back, of my own free will? I’d never understood why I couldn’t remember the peace of being in the light. I’d thought maybe the removal of those memories was part of the punishment that sent me back to the living. But if I’d chosen to return, then maybe not remembering the light—and the bliss I’d likely experienced while there—was actually a kindness.
But even if that was what had happened before, it didn’t help me now, faced with thisdecision.
“Fan-freaking-tastic,” I muttered. “Like you can’t give me a hint here? Like that would kill you?”
But the light remained warm, welcoming, and silent;and the girl next to me continued dying.
I sighed. “Of course not. That might actually make this easier.” I wished I could talk to Will one last time before…well, just before.
“Hey! Are you really this stupid?” A female voice demanded from somewhere nearby.
For a second, from my position on the ground, with my face buried in the grass and dirt and blood, I thought it was Alona speaking to me. And while I agreed that getting whaled on wasn’t the smartest thing I’d ever done, it wasn’t like I could stop it. I’d gotten in a few good swings, but not enough. Not nearly enough. Again, that’s what happened when you were outnumbered sixteen to one.
“Hey!” she said again, and the pummeling paused momentarily.
“He’s gate-crashing,” Ben said, out of breath. Sorry that beating the crap out of me winded you so badly, dude.I wanted to crawl away, but everything ached too much to move. Breathing hurt. I settled for turning my head so I could at least see what was coming next. My new world-view showed me Misty Evans standing above me, a red cup clenched in her hand, and her boyfriend, Chris Zebrowski, at her side. Misty was my defender? That didn’t make any sense. But she had stopped Ben, temporarily at least, which struck me (no pun intended) as a good thing regardless.
“He came after that other freak, that Lily girl.” Ben’s voice held a chilling amount of contempt, like he’d never once thought of Lily with affection.