CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
OZ
It wouldn’t make any sense for Atlantis Star to have changed in the last three days when it probably hasn’t changed much in decades. But when I blow through Consequences and make the turn off down the dirt road that leads to the old movie ranch it looks different to me. Smaller somehow.
The crew’s truck is parked where it always is when they’re around, in the shade of an old mesquite tree about thirty yards off from the house. The leader, an amiable type of guy who goes by the unfortunate name of Rash, is tinkering with some equipment in the yard. He looks up at the sound of my truck and offers a wave.
I don’t bother being discreet about my arrival. I roll right up to the doorstep of the big house. Rash has his camera on his shoulder and he’s filming me now but that’s fine. I’m beyond caring who might be watching what at this point.
Before I get my hand on the doorknob I see Monty Savage coming from the direction of the barn. He’s got his shirt off, like he usually does, as if his thick chest is allergic to fabric or needs chronic admiration to remain solid. He stops cold when he sees me and I brace for some noise but he just lowers his head and keeps walking.
Since the front door is unlocked I stroll right on through it. A small blond tornado whips past my legs. Ava’s boy, Alden. He’s laughing as only kids know how to laugh.
Ava is laughing herself as she follows the kid. Her laughter dies abruptly when she sees me. She puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head, looking none too friendly.
I close the door behind me. There’s no one else in sight. “Is she here?”
Ava looks me up and down. Of course I don’t know what’s gone on here in the last few days but judging from Ava’s expression it’s nothing good. I remember the deathly silence between Ren and I after we finished fucking our brains out. I remember the almost desperate look she gave me before opening the door to the truck and trudging back to the house. But at the time I thought it would be better if we just left things unsaid. I was too wrapped up in my own feelings to notice her pain.
From the look on Ava’s face though, she understands her sister’s pain all too well. And she’s decided who is responsible.
“Ava?” I prompt gently.
“She’s here,” Ren’s sister says. Her kid tears back into the room and crashes into her legs. She hoists him to her hip and jerks her head toward the hall. “Last bedroom at the end. Knock first, Oz. And if she tells you to leave then you should.”
“Fair enough. I will.”
Alden claps his hands together a few times and I give him a little wink. I just lied to his mother but that will come out soon enough. Today, I have no intention of leaving even if Ren throws a frying pan at my head.
One of the lesser Camera Creeps tails me as I head down the hall. Just before I turn a corner I see Brigitte lurking in the small piano alcove. She notices me but says nothing and doesn’t move. Usually she tries to insert herself in the middle of whatever might give her camera time so it’s a little out of character for her to stand down but I’ll take it.
When I get to Ren’s door I almost just barge through it but decide to scrape together a few manners. I rap my knuckles on the wood five times and wait.
Ren’s sigh reaches me from the other side of the door. She was probably enjoying some mid morning solitude away from the cameras.
My entire body freezes when the door creaks open. Christ, I’m nervous, more than I was that first day I drove up here, weeks ago. Because back then I put on an armor of arrogant attitude. Now I’m going to face her with honesty. It’s tougher than it sounds.
“Hi,” I manage to say, noting the way her eyes widen. I can’t read whether the look on her face is anything other than shock. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are slightly red. She’s cried recently. Her dark hair hangs down straight and appears damp, fresh from a shower. She’s barefoot, wearing a plain black cotton dress with thin straps that falls to her knees and doesn’t have a speck of makeup on. She’s so blindingly beautiful I can’t stand it.
Ren recovers from her shock and crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re back.”
“I’m back.”
“For how long?”
“Depends on you.”
She cocks her head to the side, her soft lips slightly parted. “I don’t understand.”
I have to touch her. I act like I’m trying to push a piece of nonexistent hair out of her face. She doesn’t shrink away when my fingers brush her cheek. But the shiver that rolls through her is involuntary. The idea that her tears were probably caused by me twists my gut into knots. If that’s the case then I have a new goal. I’m never ever going to be the cause of her tears again.
My hand falls back to my side. I want to grab her, hold her, but I can’t. We can’t just pretend that all the agony, both fresh and old, never happened. If we’re going to do this, we’ve got to do it the hard way. “Ren, can I come in? Or can you come out?”
Her eyes shift to the camera. I can tell she’s wondering what the hell I’m up to. I hope she gives me the benefit of the doubt, whether I deserve it or not.
“Give me two minutes,” she says. “I’ll meet you out front.”
“Take your time. I’ll wait.”
She still looks puzzled. After all, the tone of this short encounter is rather subdued compared to the last one, when I warned her that when I was done getting my fill she’d be nothing more to me than another empty pussy. It doesn’t matter if she’d ever said or done anything to justify it. A bigger lie was never told.
The day is a rare one full of clouds. I make my way outside and stand there in the yard beside the corner of the house where once upon a time I’d held her close a few moments after our first kiss.
When Ren comes outside she’s wearing a pair of brown leather cowboy boots and a wary expression. The way she looks at me it’s like she’s expecting a slap. Or worse. She folds her arms in front of her chest in a defensive pose and keeps her eyes on the ground as she closes in.
“I love you and it doesn’t matter what time or anything else does to us. Even if the worst happens and we’re ripped apart it will change nothing. I’ll still love you, Oscar.”
How is it possible we’ve come to this? Two strangers fighting the saddest, most useless of wars.
I meet her halfway and there’s a highly awkward second where we face off and stare at each other. Meanwhile, a sizeable lizard breaks out of some nearby sage and scurries through the space that separates us. It’s strange. Lizards don’t typically abandon their shelters to get closer to humans. Somewhere I heard that lizards represent good omens. I hope that’s true.
She breaks the silence. “Before you say anything, I want you to know that I’m glad you came back.”
“Are you?”
Ren nods and inhales deeply, closing her eyes and then exhaling slowly. She opens her eyes and looks at me clearly. “Yes. Oscar, I never told you that I was sorry. I’m truly sorry for everything happened five years ago. I’m sorry for turning my back on you. I need you to know that I never believed anything Lita said. That wasn’t it. That wasn’t the reason at all. I should have said so the day you came back here but I didn’t.”
The lizard has paused from his journey back to the brush. He jerks his head, watches us for a split second with tiny inscrutable eyes and then darts away with lightning speed.
I shove my hands in my pockets and get closer, nudging her shoulder. “Let’s take a walk.”
She’s surprised but she nods and her body language relaxes as we stroll beyond the yard of the big house, past the brothel, close to the cemetery. When we reach the far side of the wrought iron fence that surround the clump of fake headstones, I pause and give her a hard look.