“Not directly. I’ve an appointment with Naylor’s solicitor in Worcester tomorrow morning. I’ll tell him exactly what I’ve told you. Then it’ll be up to him to decide what to do. I’ll be glad when it is, to be honest. Grateful to let him set the wheels in motion. Besides, going to him avoids any possibility of the police turning a deaf ear.”
“You think they’d try to?”
“Who knows? This way, they won’t have the option, will they?”
“And Sarah? When will you tell her?”
He sighed. “I’m not sure I can face her with it. Confessing to you or Naylor’s solicitor or the police or whoever is one thing. But standing in front of Sarah and explaining what I did-when and why-to her own mother… her own flesh and blood…” He shook his head. “That’s too much.”
“She has to be told.”
“Of course. Otherwise the first she’ll know of it will be when the police come to her for corroboration of my statement. That’s partly why…” I sensed him staring at me in the darkness. “I came to you.”
“You want me to tell her?”
“If you will. If you can. As a favour, perhaps.”
I hesitated, torn between the wish to refuse and the knowledge that it would be better for her to hear it from me first. In the end, it wasn’t a difficult choice to make, however hard it was likely to be to act on. “Very well. I’ll tell Sarah. But I’ll do it as a favour to her, Paul. Not to you.”
A few minutes passed in silence, during which he may have reflected on the many rejections and condemnations he’d soon be laying himself open to. Then he said simply: “Thank you.”
“Why did you do it?” I asked, the wish that he would suddenly say no, it was all a joke really, buried beneath the question. “I mean, in God’s name, why?”
“I don’t know, Robin. I remember the actions, not the reasons. She cast a spell on me that was only broken by her death. And now it seems as inexplicable to me as it does to you.”
“All those lies you told. How could you sustain them?”
“Necessity. Fear. Practice. And a morsel of pride, I suppose, at not being found out. They were enough. Until Rowena took their place. But now she’s gone, there’s nothing. No reason. No purpose. No point to the deception. I’ve been going to church these past few weeks, you know. Praying for guidance. Preparing to confess, I suppose you could say. In one of the readings, there was a verse from St. John’s Gospel that stuck in my mind. Six words that gave me more courage than all the rest put together. And just enough for me to be able to do this. ‘The truth will make you free.’ I’ve thought of it a lot. The hope, I mean. It’s easy to say. Not so easy to believe. But I’ve started to believe it. I really have. Just in the time I’ve been talking to you. I haven’t felt free since the night I killed her. But now there’s a chance. That the truth will make me free. At last. All over again. Truly free.”
If anyone had told me I’d one day entertain Louise Paxton’s murderer as an overnight guest in my home, I’d have thought them mad. But Paul Bryant did spend that night at Greenhayes. When it came to the point, there was really nowhere else for him to go. He admitted he’d be grateful for company on the road to Worcester next morning and I suppose part of me wanted to be certain he meant to go through with his confession before I started throwing pebbles into the same pond.
We set out at dawn, Paul looking as if he’d slept considerably better than me. Perhaps the longed for freedom was already making itself felt. He said little as we drove north, leaning back in the seat with his eyes closed, an expression close to contentment on his face. He smiled occasionally and muttered to himself. But whenever I asked him what he’d said, he only replied, “It’s not important.” Nothing was, I suppose, compared with the story he had to tell. Nothing counted at all-except his fierce determination to set the record straight.
We reached Worcester in good time for his ten o’clock appointment. Cordwainer, Murray & Co. occupied modest first-floor premises near Foregate Street railway station. I dropped him at the door and watched him go in before driving away. He didn’t look back as he entered. He didn’t even hesitate. It seemed as much as he could do not to break into a run as he took the irrevocable step.
I was in a hurry too, knowing delay would only breed prevarication. There was no easy way to tell Sarah all her worst fears about her mother were justified. But there was no way to avoid it either. I drove straight down the motorway to Bristol and made for Caledonia Place.
But she wasn’t in. Well, why should she have been? It was an ordinary Saturday morning as far as she was concerned. I should have phoned ahead. I should have planned my tactics. But Paul’s confession had made tactics seem futile and ridiculous. What was there to cling to in its wake but instinct?
I waited for twenty minutes that seemed like an hour. Then she pulled up in her car, unloaded some shopping and carried it to her door. I went to meet her, felt the normal greetings die on my lips and finished up making her start with surprise when she fished her keys from her handbag and looked up to find me waiting.
“Robin! What are you doing here?”
“I’ve some news for you, Sarah. Let’s go inside.”
Her reaction was similar to mine. I could read in the alterations of her expression the same stages I’d gone through myself. Confusion. Disbelief. Slowly growing conviction. Then horror. At what Paul had done. And at what it meant. About Naylor. About Louise. About all of us. Finally came anger. Directed firstly at Paul. Then at the swathe his confession was bound to cut through all our comfortable assumptions and convenient interpretations. Nothing was going to be comfortable or convenient again. And Sarah knew that now. As well as I did.
“I never thought,” she said, “never imagined… When he turned up that day at Sapperton… When I found he was still hanging around Cambridge during my graduation… I never had any idea what was really going on.”
“How could you?”
“Mummy should have told me. Then I could have put a stop to it before she left for Biarritz.”
“You can’t be sure. He was completely obsessed with her. I don’t think anything would have stopped him.”
“Don’t you? Well, maybe you’re right.” She crossed to the window and stared out at the damp grey roofs of Clifton, turning her back as if she was afraid to look at me while she said what I’d already thought. “But it wouldn’t have ended in murder, would it? Not if Mummy had been the faithful wife she wanted us to think she was. Not if she hadn’t picked up Naylor, just like he always said she did, on a whim, on an off-chance, for no reason except…” She bowed her head and I thought she was about to cry. But there were no tears in her eyes when she turned round. “It’s stupid, isn’t it? But somehow what this tells us about Mummy seems even worse than what it tells us about Paul.”
“You mustn’t say that. He murdered her. And Bantock. There can be no excuses. Whatever problems there may have been in your parents’ marriage-”
“They didn’t have a marriage, did they?” Her anger was finding a new target now. Her mother was dead. And the man responsible was willing at last to face the consequences. Only her father’s lies remained to be nailed. “It was all a sham, wasn’t it? A put-up job. She was leaving him. Just as I always thought. But not for Howard Marsden or some other well-groomed middle-aged lover. She was leaving him for anyone she could get. And Daddy must have known that all along. He must have known she was capable of what Naylor claimed she did.”
“You can’t blame your father. He probably wanted to shield you and Rowena from-”
“Where’s shielding got us? Your sister-in-law foisted on us as a stepmother. Rowena forced into saying things in court she didn’t really believe. Then married to her own mother’s murderer.” She stared at me, horrified into silence by the extra dimension of reality her words had somehow conferred on the facts. Then she added in an undertone: “And finally driven to suicide.”