“I need to talk to you about something important but not here, okay?” I ask.
“And you’re telling me now… because?”
“I’m not sure really.” His face remains stubborn, but he nods, giving me permission. I think.
After we arrive at our quarters, tension hangs in the air. This isn’t how I wanted things to start. He changes his uniform, grabs a bottle of water, and stands stiffly in the doorway to my room. Zeus lies beside me as I sit on my mattress, fearful of setting Cole off.
“So what’s your deal?” he asks in between gulps from his bottle.
“I need a huge favor. Just hear me out before you answer, and just so you know, I already asked Sutton and he gave me permission.”
He folds his arms across his chest and takes a deep breath. “Go on…”
I tell him about Alyssa, her sickness, and what she wants the most before the inevitable. His head shakes “No” before I finish.
“No way. You’re not staying there!” He squeezes the bottle so tight that it crumples in his fist. “We are not having this discussion. It’s completely out of the question. Anything could happen if I’m not there. I won’t—”
I stand and close the distance between us. “I don’t mean tonight! Please, put yourself in her shoes, even if it’s just for a second. She’s all alone in that God-awful place and she’s petrified of dying. This is about her, not me. It’s a gift we can give her. Damn it. She’s only thirteen,” I plead.
He shakes his head. “Any other guard would’ve beat or raped you by now, and you just keep pushing me when I’m trying to do the right thing.” His face turns a purplish red, and a vein in his neck bulges. “It’s bad enough that you’re on the radar with my superiors. And you expect me to leave you there? You’ve lost your damn mind.”
“Believe me, I’m thankful I have you, but you have to understand… I promised her. I promised her she wouldn’t die alone. I know you don’t understand, and I don’t expect you to, but I don’t break promises. Ever. Look, if leaving me is the issue, then stay with us. There are cots we can bring into her room and you can sleep behind the curtain with Zeus and keep watch. That way I can be with her in case she needs me.”
He’s still shaking his head with his jaw clenched. I know he’s right. I’m asking a lot of him, especially with the tension so high between us.
“How much time does she have?” he asks.
“Any day now, or next week.”
He closes his eyes for what seems like an eternity.
“Please—” I start to say.
“I’ll think about it, all right!” He exhales. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me.” Then his face softens. “You must really care about her.”
I don’t know what overcomes me—joy, I suppose. I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist. He stands motionless, but his heartbeat thumps in my ear, moving faster and faster.
“I really do. She’s like a sister I’ve never had,” I say.
He squeezes my shoulders for an instant and then pushes me away, carefully avoiding eye contact. I step back and exhale with relief. He’ll allow me this favor because deep down there’s a side of him that’s decent and kind.
The rest of the evening remains quiet. Cole keeps to himself after our conversation, almost like he needs time to digest it all. I watch him pack his bag: four shirts, four pants, four pairs of boxer briefs and his shaving kit. I feel all giddy inside, although his solemn expression forces me to withhold my triumphant emotions. I think I touched a nerve.
He manages to say good night before he closes his door. And I begin to realize for the first time how much security Zeus brings me when he lies down beside me. I find it therapeutic to rub his head and receive his warmth in return. His presence seems to scare away my nightmares and I sleep in peace.
We drive through the checkpoint at the training center, and this time I keep my mouth glued shut. Our walk through the garage is uneventful. I perspire from the stress and twirl one of my locks nervously as we enter the hospital. The whooshing of the doors blows my hair back. His steps echo in the hallway and he looks engrossed while pressing the eighth floor button. It’s now or never. I take a deep breath and ask him for one more favor.
“I’m scared to ask you—”
“No more favors.” He spins around and the angry gleam in his eyes melts into agony.
“It’s not for me. It’s for her.”
His lips turn thin and he folds his arms over. “I’m already risking too much.”
“It doesn’t involve me. It involves you.”
“No way, no more favors,” he says, raising an eyebrow.
“She’s never been on a date.” I hurry on before he can protest. “It’s something every girl dreams of. She needs to be swept off her feet.”
Ding. The elevator doors open and Zeus bolts into the hallway.
“You’re positively killing me. You know that, right?” Sarcasm boils over, but he gives in with his next breath. “I’m not very good at this sort of thing.”
“I highly doubt that,” I say, accidentally brushing his hand with mine. He pauses for a brief moment and his onyx eyes flash to his hand then jump to my eyes. Something bubbles up within me. It’s weightless and yet foreboding. Whatever passes between us in that moment runs deep. I clear my throat and knock on Sutton’s door.
“Come in,” he says. He speaks on the phone in a hushed tone. “Gotta go.” He hangs up, swivels his chair, and raises his eyebrows. “Now what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I spoke to Cole and he’s willing to stay.” Sutton looks at Cole and pauses while evaluating his face. “Wonderful. Just make sure—”
“It’s all right, sir. I already got the clearances from my superiors last night,” Cole says.
“Well, then I guess you should go see Alyssa. I won’t bother you unless I’m needed.” He dismisses us with his hand and begins dialing a number on his phone. “Oh, and, Cole, thank you. This little girl means a lot to me too.”
Alyssa musters as much excitement as she can. She falls in and out of sleep most of the day, but at eleven thirty p.m., she’s perky.
“Are you up for a visitor?” I ask her.
“It’s almost midnight, who’d visit me now?” she asks me with a suspicious smile. Her excitement makes me happy. Zeus’s nails click from behind the curtain and she tries to peek underneath.
“Ready?” I ask.
She nods, scrunching her eyebrows, and trying to figure out who’s hiding behind the curtain.
“Are you sure?” I stand at the curtain with my hand on it, waiting to reveal her surprise. I laugh at her impatient expression.
“You’re killing me… Just open it!”
I slide open the curtain with painstaking slowness, giggling as she gives me a dirty look. The candlelight hits them and Zeus bounds into the room without his manners, peeking up at her, resting on his front two paws and swiping her small hand with a giant slurp. Alyssa erupts into laughter.
“Hey,” Cole says as he follows behind Zeus.
I try to reply, but his appearance renders me speechless. He wears a pair of carpenter jeans that sit on his waist and a white collared shirt. It’s slightly wrinkled, but that doesn’t detract from how handsome he looks. The wind is sucked out of my lungs. I’m drawn to him, and I don’t like it. His clean appearance, sweet demeanor, and the fact that he nods and smiles at Alyssa with respect make my walls crumble a little. I almost want him to be here for me, not her, but I quickly shove those thoughts away. Thinking about it will only get me into trouble since it’s forbidden to even have these feelings.