What’s wrong with me? It’s too dangerous and he made it more than clear that I’m just part of his job.
He whispers, “Do I look all right? I wasn’t sure what to wear.” He puts his hands in his pockets and does a complete three-sixty.
His butt looks amazing in those jeans. I catch myself before my jaw hits the floor and arrange my face in what I hoped was a purely virginal appearance. Ugh, there I go again. “You look… nice,” I lie. He looks so handsome, but I don’t tell him.
“Then why are you blushing?”
“I’m not!”
“Okay, so when did you put a crap load of blush on?”
“I don’t wear makeup!”
His eyes linger for a moment and he smiles crookedly. “Yup, that’s why I know you’re blushing.” He laughs and I swat him. His hands move up in a surrender position as he backs away.
Is he really joking around with me? A smile stays plastered on my face, thinking about how sweet it is he showed up despite his reservations.
Then Zeus comes to my side, breaking the trance, and I look into his big brown eyes. “I guess you’re my date, boy. Hope you like my outfit.” I laugh at myself.
Cole stares at me. “Take good care of her,” he says to Zeus. My heart skips a hundred beats, startling me.
He looks away and sits next to Alyssa’s bed. “I’m Cole. Lexi told me all about you, and I couldn’t help but want to meet the girl she raves about. I was wondering if you’d do me the honor of going on a date with me?”
If a girl could light up, she just did. Alyssa grins as if she received the greatest gift in the universe. “I’d love to.” She giggles as her face turns scarlet.
“Give me a few minutes to get her freshened up.” I close the curtain and brush her hair, pinning it up into an elegant hairstyle my mother used to wear. After I’m finished, Cole places one arm under her knees and the other secures her back as he lifts her fragile body. Alyssa wraps her arms around his neck with a look of pure rapture on her face.
“Oh, I’m sorry. It probably would’ve been more polite of me to ask before picking you up,” Cole says.
“Yeah, of course, it’s fine.” She laughs nervously and gives me a wink.
He carries her without effort down to a vacant room, and I wipe a tear away as I watch him fulfill a dying girl’s dream.
It’s dark except for the melted candles lit on the end of the table. The plastic ware, which I scrounged for after talking to Sutton, sits in all the correct spots. Cole carefully lowers Alyssa into her seat for the night. Even Sutton makes an appearance and places a soft kiss on her head.
“Enjoy, sweetie. You deserve it.” Sutton offers me his arm and leads me out. Before the door closes, I glimpse one more time.
Cole sits across from Alyssa, the candlelight flickering across their faces as they laugh at something together. The ease with which he relates to her makes me smile.
Every day, I witness the ugliness of humanity and it diminishes my faith in the goodness of people. But watching Cole show kindness to Alyssa reminds me of the kindness my father showed others. Whenever someone needed him, even if it was dangerous, he’d help. Instances like this give me the spark I need to keep going despite the horrific obstacles thrown in my way. Unbelievable that I’ve found more depth here than I ever had before. The emotional peaks and valleys exhaust me, but my heart feels content, and it doesn’t make sense to me.
When I return to the room, Zeus snores in my cot. I guess I’m sleeping somewhere else. I take Cole’s and slide under the warm covers. I fall asleep with the image of Alyssa looking alive and happy while sitting across from Cole.
“Hey, wake up.” Startled, I fly up, smacking heads with Cole.
“Ouch,” we both say at the same time.
He rubs his forehead, his face scrunching with the effort. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wasn’t sure where I’m supposed to sleep since you’re in my bed and all.”
I rub my eyes and yawn. “The cot’s yours. Zeus took mine, so I’ll sleep on the floor.” I swing my legs to the floor, and the cold tiles sting my feet.
“Ha. No, you’re not!” A voice says beside me. “I don’t take up even half this bed. Come in. I don’t mind sharing,” Alyssa says. For the second time in less than thirty seconds, I jump at the sound of a voice I wasn’t expecting. I stand, straighten my clothes, and climb in next to her.
“Thank you!” she says. “For the best day of my life.” My heart drops as she wraps her weak arms around me.
“You don’t have to thank me. He was the one who took all the risk here.”
“But you had to ask him.”
“When it comes to you… convincing isn’t even needed. It’s impossible not to fall in love with you. You’re a wonderful person and I want to thank you for sharing your life with me. I’m forever changed because of you.”
She wipes her tears, rolls over to her other side, and I cover her with a blanket. “I love you too.”
Before I can count to ten, she drifts off. I watch her; then my eyes wander over to Cole. He stares at the ceiling, looks at me, and holds my eyes for a minute as sadness, joy, and an unidentifiable emotion pass between us. He motions good night, and I nod, but I’m not ready to sleep.
I watch him. The curves of his face are soft in the moonlight and his sculpted arms wrap around his bunched up blankets. I picture those arms wrapped around Alyssa, the way he cradled her, the way he cared for her in a way I’m sure she’s rarely felt in her short life. I close my eyes, and as I drift off, I think of how lonely Alyssa must have been, how lonely I’ve been. And I fall asleep, the vision of Cole carrying me to the peace of my dreams.
The next two days pass this way. Cole and Zeus stay with me in the hospital while Alyssa slowly slips further away from us. Each morning, Cole takes Zeus to the training center for the majority of the day, and every night he returns at seven.
Alyssa’s condition worsens. She sleeps most of the day and barely stays awake long enough to hold a conversation. Occasionally, she moans and shifts positions in her bed. The only gift I can give her is my presence. It seems like such a small gift, but it’s what I’d want if fate switched our positions. My heart seizes when I see her grimace when she coughs or even turns her head, and I wish I could take her pain away. But it only grows worse each day. Sutton even gave me a pamphlet on the dying process, which at first I refused, horrified by the idea. Now I’m glad I read it because I’m more aware of what Alyssa might need from me through her journey.
At seven p.m., Cole brings Zeus back to our room. Zeus’s eyelids droop and his legs wobble. He flops to the floor, and within a matter of seconds, he begins snoring.
“How’s she doing?” Cole asks.
“Okay… I’m hoping I can wake her long enough to give her some ice chips; her mouth is so dry, and she says she’s thirsty but chokes on water. She stopped eating today, which I know is normal at this stage, but it’s really hard to watch. I’m afraid she’s starving even though the book said she’s not. Weird, right?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “You finally read the book Sutton gave you? That’s good.” He stands with his feet shoulder width apart and strokes his chin pensively. “I don’t know how you do it, sit here with her knowing she’s going to—”
I scoot the chair back fast enough that it screeches obnoxiously, and I pull him into the hall. “Shhhh. She can hear you. The book said hearing is the last thing that goes right before it happens…” My tongue gets stuck and I have to clear my throat. “So we have to be careful about what we say around her. All right?”