“Avarona’s manipulating you to escort her,” he murmured skeptically.
“He’s a sorcerer, Silas,” I said, growing desperate by his bitterness. “All he wants is more power.” Silas’s cold brown eyes locked on me, giving me a hard stare that lasted ten long, uneasy seconds. But there was nothing of what I actually expected. No confusion. No shock or fright. It was as if the realization had struck me in the gut. “You knew,” I choked. I thought we’d always been honest with each other, but he hadn’t just been lying to me. He’d just tried manipulating me.
“I’m on the king’s guard,” Silas mumbled. “Of course I knew.”
“I don’t understand.” I shook my head like that would help, like that would force away the truth of what I was being told or ease my own building hurt. “Do you know what he wants with her?”
He knew I meant Ava, knew I was asking if he’d been aware all along that Hazlitt would kill her on account of the alliance with Cornwall. “We are so close to winning this war,” he said, “we’ve all made sacrifices.” And I took a horrified step back. All it did was offend him. “God have mercy, Kiena. He’s willing to give his own daughter for the kingdom! And you have the gall to look at me like that?”
He’d been keeping things from me this whole time, and the last thing I was going to do was tell him that Ava wasn’t Hazlitt’s daughter by blood. For all I knew, Ava being entirely Ronan would only make him care less. “Silas,” I breathed, “what have you gotten me into?” My eyes filled with tears at the betrayal I felt. “How can you stand there and act like this is right when you know what he’ll do to her?”
“Because it is right,” he answered, and when I let out a disgusted breath, he took an earnest step forward, lowering his voice to ensure that no one outside the door could hear. “This kingdom has been at war since before we were born. It’s been falling apart for generations, it’s steps away from ruin.”
“Because of Hazlitt,” I expressed in irritation.
Silas clicked his tongue. “You blame the king like every other commoner who hasn’t a clue what we go through or how hard we try. You haven’t seen the battlefields.” He took another step toward me. “But you’ve seen how the people starve. You’ve been wanting all your life; Nilson goes wanting. Hazlitt still stands against those who would usurp his throne, who see this kingdom’s people in poverty and would start another uprising anyway, for their own selfish gain.”
He was probably talking about lords throughout the kingdom who thought they had a better claim to the throne than Hazlitt, but my eyes dropped guiltily. We were in the hideout of rebels, of a capable group of people who would start another uprising, of a group of people who had been inspired by my father. It put an intense pressure on my chest, and I began to feel the magnitude of this conflict in my heart. Silas believed in his cause wholeheartedly—I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice—but now that I had the hope that my father wasn’t a traitor, now that I knew Ava’s fate should she return to Guelder, I couldn’t just abandon this.
I could feel myself growing more confused and torn by the second. “And the answer is an elixir that will give him more power?”
He squinted at me, with obvious shock that I knew so much, and I couldn’t deny I was slightly thrown that he already knew it too. “Yes,” he said, recovering from his surprise. “We get an alliance with Cornwall by whatever means necessary and we can defeat Ronan, we can end this war and Hazlitt can get the power he needs to send this kingdom into a golden era.” He paused for a long moment, watching me closely as my eyes filled with tears, making sure I was absorbing the importance of what he was saying. To see if I would understand the need for Ava’s sacrifice.
“You could live comfortable,” he added. “When this war finally ends, our kingdom will prosper, and you can stop worrying about whether or not Nilson will make it into his teens. You can see your mother grow old.” I sniffled, and when a heavy drop slid down my cheek, I ran the back of my hand across it. “It’s not an easy choice to make, I know that. I know the princess, and I know she doesn’t deserve this. But it must be done. There are more lives at stake than just hers.”
I took in a deep, quivering breath, because this was it. This was the choice. Hazlitt was terrifying, and powerful, and cruel to those around him, and I’d seen little fruit from this war that had plagued my entire life, but maybe that elixir was all he needed. Maybe it would set the kingdom straight and things would be good again, and all it would take was handing Ava over. All it would take was going home and forgetting about her, and I could trust the fate of the kingdom to the king, and I could go back home where I belonged and care for my mother and Nilson.
“You should have left me out of this,” I whispered, wiping my fingers across my cheek as another tear fell. “I can’t let you take her. Find another way.”
Silas blinked his disbelief. “That’s what you’d have me tell the king? To find another way?” When I nodded my brokenhearted consent, his brow furrowed with a newfound animosity. “You fancy her,” he accused. I glanced away to try and mask the guilt on my face. “You stupid, brain-boiled halfwit!”
“Mind your tongue,” I said sharply. He’d never talked to me like that, not in the nineteen years we’d been best friends. I wouldn’t allow it.
“Did you lie with her?” he demanded.
“Silas,” I warned, but my steel was broken by a teary sniffle.
“It’s a death sentence, you know that?” He watched me for a brief second. “Answer the question!”
“I will not,” I muttered.
“Why?”
“Because,” I told him honestly, and saying this to him for the first time in my life was agonizing, “I don’t trust you right now.”
“You don’t—” he began to repeat, but stopped short because his face burned red. “You don’t trust me? After everything we’ve been through, you’re defending one simple girl who’s risking an entire war, one I’ve put my life on the line for, and you don’t trust me?” He took in a deep breath, letting it out in a furious rumble. “All I’m trying to do is keep you alive! Is to care for you as if you were my own kin! I gave you an opportunity! I gave you a better life on a bloody silver plate and you’re throwing it away like it’s nothing! You know what the king would have given you for returning her?” He paused, only to breathe so he could keep shouting. “He would’ve given you your surname back! He would’ve cleared you and given you wealth to redeem the life your traitorous father stole!”
“Don’t do this.” My eyebrows furrowed pleadingly. I didn’t want this. I wanted him to understand. “Please, Silas. Give me another option. Any other option.”
“I can forgive this betrayal,” he said. “I’ll escort you both to the castle. The king will never hear of your mistake. It’s the only way.”
My eyes brimmed with fresh tears, because I could see the resolve in his gaze, and I knew he could see the same in mine. “I can’t do that.”
His face flashed with wounded anger. “Do you even understand the stakes? Can you possibly comprehend the lives lost? The lives you’re risking!” I pursed my lips to hold back a dismal frown. “Damn you, Kiena!” he yelled. “All you had to do was keep your hands away from her royal cunt! And you couldn’t even do that!” Even though his wrists were tied, he was so angry that I took a frightened step back, but he took one forward. “You’re following in your father’s footsteps, and that fool girl will get you killed!” He turned his head toward the door, shouting, “You hear me, Avarona! The king will find and kill you both! You understand! Get in here, you whore!”