Without even thinking about it, my hand sailed through the air, and I slapped Silas hard across the cheek. It quieted him instantly, and I was so conflicted by what I’d just done that I couldn’t decide whether to apologize or to keep grinding my teeth out of anger or to slap him again. Though Silas stopped yelling, he straightened up, chest heaving as he squared himself before me. For a moment, I feared he was so angry that he might break through the rope around his wrists and strike me in return. Then Albus set to growling at him again, and Silas side-glanced at the dog before taking a step back.
“She’s got her claws dug deep in you,” he said with a disappointment so severe it cut me to the bone.
“You’re wrong,” I told him, unable to mask the sadness in my voice. “Hazlitt has poisoned the ranks and you can’t even see it. The Silas I used to know wouldn’t sacrifice an innocent life for anything.” He said nothing, only stood there with his jaw working back and forth furiously. “I hope you’ll come to understand.”
When I started for the door, he snarled after me, “If you leave, it’s done.” I reached the exit and stopped, turning to face him one last time. “If I mean so little to you, then walk out that door. Leave and everything you’ve ever been to me is nothing.”
“I’m sorry, Silas.” I grabbed the handle and opened it. “Don’t try and find us.”
“Traitor!” he hollered after me, and even though I’d already closed the door behind me, I could hear him yell, “I’ll hunt you both!”
I leaned back against the other side of the door, feeling multiple pairs of eyes on me. I shut mine and took in a deep breath, trying with everything in me to push down all the emotion I was feeling. It didn’t help. Needing to do something to work out my frustration and pain, I hurried away without saying anything to any of them, not even Ava. The closest thing I could think of was the armory. I rushed to it with Albus on my heels, and headed straight to the back where the archers were. I must’ve looked as upset as I felt, because even though none of them knew me, they stepped aside, opening every practice lane while I grabbed a bow from the nearest warrior.
And I shot arrow after arrow in rapid succession, another thud landing just seconds after the previous one. Pull. Silas had lied to me from the very start. Aim. He was willing to sacrifice an innocent woman. Release. After all these years, he’d threatened to hunt me too. Thud. He called Ava a whore. Pull. Aim. Release. He called me a traitor. Thud. Traitor. Thud. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. I fired shot after shot until I’d filled the bull’s eye with arrows, so many I’d begun to split them down the shaft.
I pulled back on the loaded bowstring again, and the moment after I released it, a hand set on my back. “Kiena,” Ava prompted.
Shooting had hardly helped either. I threw the bow down, and though I didn’t know when Ava had arrived or if she’d been watching me the entire time, I gave the briefest apologetic pursing of my lips and then hurried back out of the training grounds. The only place to get some privacy was back in that cave Kingston had given us. Ava and Albus were both following closely, but the nearer I got to the cave, the harder it got to control how my emotions were shifting. Frustration and betrayal were fading, and more and more I felt the pang of heartbreak. By the time Ava shut the door behind us, tears had flooded my eyes once again. I kept my back to her and the door, wiping at my cheeks and trying my hardest to blink the moisture away.
The only sound for almost a minute was my sniffling, and then I heard Ava’s footsteps approach me. Instead of coming around to look at me or saying anything to try and make me feel better, her arms wrapped around my waist from behind. She simply hugged me, resting her head against my upper back and just leaving it there. Silas had no idea how wrong he was, because this girl deserved it far less than he thought. I knew she’d heard everything he’d yelled, all of them had heard his shouting, but she wasn’t trying to defend herself. She wasn’t telling me how inaccurate or heartless he’d been, or trying to assure me that she wouldn’t lie, or promising her affection wasn’t bribery. All she wanted was to comfort me, and her honesty was apparent in her selflessness. It had been since the very beginning.
“He thinks I’ve betrayed him,” I whispered. She removed her arms so I could turn to face her, and when I couldn’t stop a final tear from falling, she reached up to thumb it away. “He’s been my best friend my whole life, and he thinks I don’t care about him. I’ve hurt him and he’ll never forgive me.”
“He’ll see how much you care,” she assured me, her big blue eyes full of concern. “Silas is smart. One day he’ll realize.”
I managed to offer a grateful smile, though truly I felt so uncomforted that I just wanted to forget about it. “We should leave soon,” I said distractedly. “The longer we’re here, the more soldiers are catching up with us.”
Ava nodded in agreement. “And Silas?”
I let out a heavy sigh. I didn’t even know if Kingston would give me a say regarding Silas’s fate, but I had to try. “I’ll request that he be released in two days time. We’ll have a head start.”
Ava watched me for a long span of thoughtful seconds, eventually saying, “He threatened to hunt us…”
“I will not allow him to be imprisoned,” I said, and there was still so much residual tension and frustration that I was instantly irritated at what I thought she was suggesting. It wasn’t even an option if I had a choice. I owed Silas that much.
“Kiena, I know you care for him.” Her voice was so soft, almost pleading me not to take offense, but she said it anyway. “But he’s an unnecessary risk.”
“It’s out of the question!” I growled. “Do not mention it again.” She blinked at me, shocked by the force with which I’d spoken, and I was immediately and painfully aware of my mistake. “My sincerest apologies, Ava,” I said, bowing my head. “That was out of line.”
“You’ve got to stop doing that,” she said, looking calm as ever. “Stop treating me like I’m better than you.” And the understanding and patience in her eyes when I met her gaze was calming. So appeasing and full of forgiveness that I wondered how I could’ve gotten upset with her in the first place. “I’ll respect your request in regards to your heart, but for this partnership to work you must accept your place as my equal. If you’re angry, be angry.”
Only, I was so unable now to be angry that I didn’t know what else to do. My shoulders slumped as I strode over to the fire. It was little more than glowing embers by now, but it still gave off heat, and so I sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. Ava followed and lowered herself at my side, folding her legs beneath her.
“I’m not angry with you,” I told her. “I’m just… frustrated.” And I was confused, because even if I couldn’t let Ava be killed, I was no longer certain I was doing the right thing. There were too many people involved. Too many people for whom either decision was the right thing, and Silas had put me in this position by keeping things from me.
I paused to let out a stressed sigh, and while I did, Ava timidly traced her fingers down the length of my arm, until she’d reached my hand. Instead of protesting, I let her take it, because I knew she was trying to help me feel better. I let her fingers intertwine with mine and I let her pull my hand into her lap. Because I loved how comforting it felt to be in contact with her, because while my mind and emotions were all over the place, it tethered me to something real. And because I’d already crossed lines more grave than this one. I’d already kissed her, and put my hands on her, and Silas probably believed I’d done so much more. I’d thought about doing so much more. What sin was this in comparison?