It was one of those circumstances she would’ve given me a grateful peck on the cheek. I could even see the desire for it in her eyes, and since she was too high on horseback to reach my face, I took her hand and pressed the back of it to my lips. “You’re welcome.”
There wasn’t more than an hour and a half left of daylight, so I figured we could stop now. Especially because I wanted to get settled before dusk, as the lack of forest cover made it so I wouldn’t start a fire for fear of being seen.
“We should make camp,” I said, pointing to a large boulder in the distance that we could sleep behind. “I’d like to take your stitches out before it gets dark.”
“It’s time?” she asked, grinning. She’d never complained about them, but I knew how much of a nuisance they could be.
I nodded, and together we headed away from the main road and to the massive boulder. We stopped behind it, and before pulling out my medical supplies, I grabbed some of the smoked meat Kingston had packed for us. I gave some to Albus and Maddox while Ava set out our sleeping furs, and once she was comfortable on top of hers, I strode over, giving her some of the meat on a tin plate while I sat down to work on her wrist.
Ava handed me her arm, swallowing a bite of food before saying, “I was beginning to think you’d leave them in forever.”
“To get in the way of your fearsome battle scars?” I asked playfully. “Not a chance.” I clipped the first stitch with my knife, and noticed how Ava’s fist clenched with pain when I began to pull it out. “You can take my shoulder.”
She set her food down to grab my shoulder with her free hand. “Have you given yourself stitches?” she asked, hand tightening with the next thread I removed.
“Countless times.” I nodded toward the dog curled up a few feet away. “Albus too.”
“You’re quite the careful surgeon,” she complimented as I pulled out another.
I moved on to the final one with a soft laugh. “Albus might disagree.”
She chuckled, but remained silent while I grabbed the disinfectant and rubbed some over the nearly healed wounds in her wrist. It was well enough that I probably didn’t need to wrap it back up, but I did anyway because I figured it was better to be safe. As I was securing the end of the bandage, Ava’s hand on my shoulder slid up to my neck, and she leaned forward to finally press a grateful kiss to my cheek.
It was no different than any other time she’d done it, except for the fact that now she didn’t actually say thank you, and she didn’t simply touch her lips to my skin. It felt like it lasted longer than usual. Like her lips hovered for a moment before touching down and were slow to draw away, and she didn’t draw away completely. It was long enough for me to finish the bandage, and in spite of myself, I let my hands linger at her wrist. I let them slip down to her hand and settle on either side of it.
And I didn’t know what to do. If she’d expressed her thanks in words I could’ve said ‘you’re welcome,’ but she hadn’t, and I realized she was hesitating to completely pull away because I’d leaned into her lips even before my hands clasped around hers. I’d closed my eyes against the feel of them, and, gods help me, I was so immediately tempted to turn and capture her mouth with my own, and she knew it. She could sense it. I was so near doing it too. After everything that had happened today, after the shred of hope she’d given about how she’d go with me if she couldn’t stay in Ronan, I was going to kiss her. I turned my head, and lined my lips with hers.
“Just once,” I whispered, a pleading breath that she’d stop me if I hadn’t the strength to.
Her eyes met mine, full of a conflict I’d never seen in them before. “Our hopes are at odds,” she said, and I knew what she meant. She hoped to have a home in Ronan, but she knew that I hoped otherwise. Shutting her eyes tight, she took in a deep breath before opening them again to let me see they were full of tears. “I’m sorry, Kiena,” she said, dropping her forehead against mine in a way that let me know she wouldn’t kiss me.
I pulled back, refraining from letting my confusion show as I set my fingers under her chin to tilt it up, to get her to look at me. “For what?”
“I told you that I’d leave your heart be,” she said, sniffling and leaning away from my hand to wipe at the first fallen tear. “And I’ve gone and convinced you that there’s a real chance.” That stung. I couldn’t tell if it was hurt or anger or the fact that I felt stupid for almost giving in, but it caused a pang in my chest. Ava noticed the hurt look on my face, and caught my hand in her own. “That came out wrong.”
“How did you mean it?” I took my hand back as my brow furrowed with offense. “What do you want from me, Ava?”
“I want you to know that I thought it would be easy,” she uttered. “Whether I had you or not, I thought it would be easy to know you’d leave me in Ronan because I’d have the family I always wanted. But it’s not. Every day it gets harder, and the more I want you, the more I realize how much it will hurt to let you leave.” She wiped at her now tear-soaked cheeks. “The more I want to kiss you, the more I understand why you want to resist.” I wasn’t angry anymore, but it still hurt worse than ever. “So I resist for you,” she said, taking in a calming breath when I reached up to thumb a tear from her eye. “Because it’s what you want.”
I sighed, falling silent for a few moments to let that sink in. The worst of it was that no matter what happened, Ava would be disappointed. Either her father would reject her or I’d have to leave her. And I did have to leave. I couldn’t stay with her because I had to look after my mother and Nilson. That wasn’t a choice.
“So you know,” I said, wiping away the last of her tears and trying to give a sarcastic smile to cheer her up. “You probably should’ve just kissed me. Don’t know when you’ll get another chance.”
Ava gave a tearful laugh and rolled her eyes. “I’ll try to remember for next time,” she said, and pulled her knees up to her chest. “If only you knew how hard it was to resist you. I don’t know if I could have stopped you after just one.”
“I do know,” I corrected. I brushed my thumbs over the remaining moisture on both her cheeks, and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Don’t cry.” But she sniffled one last time, so I added, “I’ve never made a girl I fancied cry before.”
“You fancy me?” she asked, like that was news to her even though she had that flirtatious smile at the corner of her mouth. And that smile combined with the dew still in her eyes made her look so righteously adorable that I was on the verge of kissing her again. I more than fancied her. I dared say I was falling in love with her.
Instead of answering directly, I narrowed my eyes. “You’re terrible at playing stupid.” At the accusation, she bared her teeth in a knowing grin, and I couldn’t help but laugh, “Eat up.”
I went back to Brande to grab my own food out of the saddlebags, and once I had it, I resumed my seat near Ava. We ate in silence as the sun began to set, but finished with the heavy gray of dusk remaining. Ava took both of our tin plates to put them away, and when she came back, she dropped onto her stomach on her sleeping furs, facing downward so she could dote on Albus, who’d curled himself at the foot of her blankets. He’d been sleeping, but the moment she laid down, he rolled onto his side, lazily exposing his belly just enough that she could rub it. It never got old watching the way she was with him. How she adored him as though she’d raised him herself. He certainly didn’t mind either, given the way he scooted after a moment, turning in a circle so he could lay his head near her hands and she could rub behind his ears.