“Kiena?” Ava whispered.
That fog was still in my head, and in this condition, everything felt like a threat. Again, without taking a step, I crossed the distance between us in a flash. It scared her when I reached her that quickly. So much that she fell backward onto her hands, wincing at the crash. Though I was still in some deeply instinctual, defensive state, something within me was worried about her pain. I dropped my pendant and squatted at her side, grabbing her hand and checking her palm to make sure she hadn’t injured herself. But something else caught my attention, something that consumed the entirety of my focus.
It was a deep, rapid beating. A chorus of gushing throbs like a heartbeat. It was Ava’s heartbeat, thudding hard with exertion and fear. I could feel it pulsing in my ears and against my flesh and beating gently against that static fog in my mind. I brought her palm to my lips, planting an apologetic kiss to it to try and calm that frightened rhythm. Then I dropped lower to press an open one to her wrist, to that thin spot of skin where her heartbeat was strongest.
The beat faltered the moment my lips met her flesh. It caused an upset in the rhythm of her heart that met the swirling fog in my mind like a thickening intoxication. I closed my eyes against the feel of it, absorbed it like comfort after being in the blistering tension of battle.
“Kiena?” Ava asked again, and though she sounded confused and afraid, my eyes snapped open at the interruption. The primal force of my power still perceived danger, even though deep down I knew there was none.
I couldn’t collect myself either, no matter how hard I tried; the magic was in control, and it felt threatened. I whipped her wrist to the side so it was out of the way, grabbing the neck of her tunic in my other fist and yanking her up to sit. It was my full intention to eliminate the threat I saw her as, but this time her heartbeat skipped with fear, and her eyes met mine with an intense mix of emotion. It was enough that the magic hesitated, and I could see my own eyes reflected in hers, because the fog in my mind wasn’t a figment of my imagination. The current resulted in a pale blue static that swam amidst the brown of my irises.
“Kiena, stop,” Ava pleaded, craning her face as far away from me as she could and trying to slip her wrist out of my grasp, but I held it tight.
And with the magic’s hold just as powerful as my own deep desires, I was confused. I didn’t know whether to kill her or listen for more of her heartbeat because I couldn’t think over the clouding in my mind.
“Kiena,” she said again. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard with fright. “It’s me.”
I let go of her wrist to create a lethal current of sparks in my hand. I tried to fight the overwhelming instinct, gods, I tried, but it wasn’t enough, and Ava wasn’t waiting anymore for me to control this on my own. The moment I let go, she grabbed the sword she’d dropped when she fell, and she brought it between us and pressed the sharp point of it beneath my chin.
It made me angry, being threatened like that. The magic made me so frustrated about it that I felt my upper lip curl, but her eyes met mine, a world of desperation in their brilliant blue as she whimpered, “Please come back to me.”
And somehow the terror in her eyes and that plea reached what rational recesses were left at the back of my hazy mind. Like the retreating of water at the shoreline, that fog left me. I forced it away and clung to the thoughts and desires and instincts that I knew were mine, and mine alone. In the reflection of her eyes, I could see the sparks of blue leave my own, and all at once I was completely aware of what I was doing and what I’d done. I let her go, scrambling back a few feet and feeling my stomach turn with panic, because what I’d feared most about the magic had almost come true. When all Ava did was let the sword fall from her hand and drop back to lie in the dirt, my heart plummeted.
“Did I hurt you?” I asked, scrambling back over. I knelt at her side and leaned over her, reaching out to make sure she wasn’t injured.
“Don’t.” She flinched, her hand shooting up defensively to ward me off. To keep me from touching her. “Give me a moment.”
“Ava, I’m so sorry,” I said, but I backed off because I’d almost hurt her, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was break her trust in me. “I’m so, so sorry. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” she whispered.
Her eyes shut tight as she took in a deep breath, swallowing hard once more and letting that breath out again with deliberate slowness before opening them. I fell back to sit as she pushed herself up, so overwhelmed with how the magic had affected me, and what I’d almost done to Ava, that all I could do was bury my face in my hands.
After another few moments, Ava’s hand set on my knee, and she began to say, “You’re all beat—”
“Brande!” I interrupted, vaulting to my feet.
It wasn’t until I rose that I realized Albus wasn’t around anymore, and as I sprinted back to where Brande had fallen, I found him. Brande was lying on the ground with the two arrows in him, and Albus had left Ava and me to lie down near his head.
I raced over, falling to my knees at Brande’s back when I saw the state he was in. The arrow in his flank was something I could have fixed, but the one behind his front shoulder… His ribs were heaving with the struggle for breath. I knew the arrow hadn’t reached his lungs, but there was his heart, and his liver. It had pierced something, and Brande was in so much pain that every few breaths he let out carried a soft but pleading squeal. I reached for the shaft of the arrow and gripped it in my hand, preparing to try and take it out to see what I could do, but Brande threw his head back at me the moment I put pressure on it, snapping with protest.
I let go, dropping my forehead against his neck as tears flooded my eyes. There was nothing to be done. “I’m sorry, old boy.”
Ava’s footsteps stopped a few feet behind me, and I knew she wouldn’t try to cut my grieving short, but our time was limited. Who knows how many other men were out there, or how close they were. I stood, pacing the few feet to where my dagger had been discarded and picking it up off the ground. The moment I tried to carry it back to Brande, knowing what I had to do, Albus rose to his feet, because he knew what I was about to do too. And he growled, placing himself directly between Brande and me.
“Move, Albus,” I murmured. Only the consistent rumble from his chest met it. As if he could understand me, I implored, “I will not leave him to suffer.” Albus did nothing but snarl harder, and my spirit was already breaking and he was making it worse. “Move, hound!” I hollered at the top of my voice, because I didn’t have the heart to fight this right now. Albus’s ears and head drooped, and he didn’t just move, he trotted away from me and all the way back to where Ava’s horse was standing.
I didn’t so much as look at Ava as I strode past her and lowered myself to my knees behind Brande. I wrapped my arms around his thick neck, unable to keep a few tears from dropping into his hair with my face buried against him, and for him I said the soldier’s prayer. “In life you fought. Need you fight no more. In eternal sleep find peace, strong warrior.” I sniffled, kissed his neck, and ended his suffering.
I didn’t want to dwell on it, so I straightened up, wiped the tears away, and gathered my bow. I took only my medical supplies out of Brande’s saddlebags because they were too valuable to leave behind, but I didn’t have the will to gather anything else. Before leaving, I strode to one of the men I’d killed, and tore open the breast of his outer shirt to reveal the layer underneath. The king’s crest stared up at me, causing my lips to purse with fury. If Hazlitt kept this up, he was looking to make it personal.