The second she was gone, Ava snorted with laughter, and she took my face in her hands when I gave her a confused look, giving it a fond shake. “If you get any more awkwardly adorable,” she laughed, “I won’t be able to take it. You must stop.”
Even though I was failing at hiding my smile, I narrowed my eyes at her. “Forgive me if I’m uncomfortable around people with the authority to chop my head off.”
Ava snickered, removing her hands as she rolled her eyes. “No one’s going to chop your head off.”
“Not if I’m polite,” I quipped. While she laughed, I took a gander around the room—at the waist high dresser just inside the door, and the fireplace next to that. At the massive bed Nira had put the dresses on, and at the desk on the opposite side of the room as the fireplace. “Is this where you’re sleeping?”
“Yes, um,” she glanced away, “I asked that we be kept together, if that’s alright with you.” I nodded, but she explained, “It’s wonderful here, and I feel safe, but… I don’t know… I’d worry about you less if you were near.”
I just couldn’t resist teasing her, and said with a flat expression, “You’re worried someone will chop my head off.”
“Your head is staying right where it is,” she smiled, but the smile faded a second later, and she shrugged. “Also, I guess if you’re leaving soon, then I want to spend every moment with you that I can.”
That felt more like the truth than her being worried about me. I nodded, but it was clear that neither of us knew what to say about it now. What could I say to her that would make it better? What could she want to hear other than that I was staying? I’d told her our fortunes could never align the way we wanted. It’s why I’d been so resistant to giving her everything. In the end, I wondered if the pain could even get worse than this. Worse than the hurt look on Ava’s face or the tears pooling at the edges of her eyes.
“You’re not allowed to be sad,” I said, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a comforting hug. “I’m not gone yet.”
Ava buried her face against my collarbone, squeezing me so tight that it forced some air out of me. “Will you just,” she paused and pulled away, and though she’d managed to blink the tears from her eyes, she still looked to be in an immense amount of suffering. “Will you stop being stoic for thirty seconds?” My eyebrows converged unsurely. “I’m not asking you to kiss me or to tell me everything about how you feel. But is all of this truly as easy on you as it appears? Do you not feel the same agony that creeps through my chest at the thought of losing you?”
She thought this was easy for me? “Will my grief make you feel any better about this?” I asked, for a moment allowing the ache I felt to show on my face. “Will it not make things worse?”
“It will make me feel better,” she said. “Because I’ll know that when you’re gone, you won’t just forget me, like I won’t forget you. Because knowing you share my longing means I’m not alone in this.” Her sad blue eyes blinked slowly. “Am I alone in this?”
I let out a deep, miserable sigh and hugged her to me again. “You’ve not been alone since I rescued you from the wolves.” I set my forehead against hers, and though I could feel her looking at me, I closed my eyes so the hurt in hers wouldn’t torture me any more. “I come from little means, Ava. I’ve been cold. I’ve gone hungry. I’ve known want, intimately. But I’ve never known want like this.” I pulled away to cup her face in my hands, to show her me without the stoicism. “I’ve never known want as profoundly as I want you.” She raised one hand to set against the back of mine, leaning her face into my palm. “If it was just me, if I didn’t have to look after my mother and brother, I’d stay. In a heartbeat, I would.”
“They’re your priority,” she said with a nod of understanding. “And they should be.”
“Knowing something must be done doesn’t make it any easier.” My thumbs caressed her cheeks, but she reached up with both hands to take mine, guiding them to her lips. “That’s what you needed to know, right?”
“Yes.” She pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Thank you.”
“Good.” I gave a small smile, and to try and lighten the mood, I motioned around the room. “Enjoy this. You can miss me when I’m gone. For now, show me what it means to live like royalty. You know this is my only chance.”
Ava huffed with laughter, and I was glad that her expression brightened as she said, “Feel the bed!” I touched the top blanket with my hand, which made her giggle. “No, no, get on it!”
I sat down on the edge, but the second I did, I realized what she’d wanted me to feel, and I couldn’t help but throw myself backward completely onto it. “Surely it’s the softest thing in the world.”
“Isn’t it?” Ava asked, tossing herself to my side, and as if Albus finally thought it was an invitation, he jumped on it too. “It’s one of the only things I missed about the castle.”
As I chuckled at that, there was a knock on the door, and reluctant to simply open it like last time, Nira asked, “May I enter?”
“Of course,” Ava called with a laugh, sliding off the bed.
Nira came in carrying some more clothes, though it was only two sets this time, and with an older woman following behind her. She strode right up to me as I regained my feet, and draped one of the articles over my shoulders. The other was a plain dress that she handed to Ava. “I brought you something simple to wear about the castle.” While I removed the clothing from my shoulders to get a look at the fresh tunic and trousers, Nira motioned to the woman she’d brought, talking right to me. “Found the tailor as well. She’ll take your measurements.” No sooner had Nira said it than the woman pushed my arms up so they were sticking straight out, and she began to take my measurements immediately. “We’ll need a rush on it,” Nira told the woman. “It has to be ready for tomorrow night.”
The tailor nodded, but my eyebrows rose. “What’s tomorrow night, Princess?” I asked, glancing back and forth between Nira and Ava, both of whom appeared to know.
“It’s my uncle’s fortieth birthday,” Nira answered, “and Father’s throwing him a party right downstairs.”
“Ava,” I nearly whined, “a party?” I’d never been to a party, and frankly, being around that many nobles sounded like torture. How was I supposed to behave? What was I even supposed to do at a party? Ava didn’t get a chance to answer.
“It will be wonderful!” Nira said. She grabbed Ava’s hands to begin twirling about the room with her. “There’ll be dancing and music and food and boys to flirt with.” I simply stood there, probably looking horrified because Nira stopped dancing with Ava, watching me while Ava giggled to herself. “You can’t dance, can you?” she asked knowingly. I shook my head because I knew nothing of Ronan dances, and awkwardly adjusted for more of the tailor’s measurements. “Well,” Nira sighed, “I’m late for temple as it is and Father’s probably losing his mind about it, but when I return, Ava and I will take care of that.” She looked at Ava, who gave a nod of agreement.
The Ironwood women would be the death of me…
“Marka will be by shortly to take you both for a bath,” Nira continued. “I truly must go.” She paced toward the door, waving as she left. “Be back soon!”
I watched as the tailor also left without a word, and then told Ava, “You and Nira are very much alike.”
“Are we?” she asked with a laugh.
“Aye,” I confirmed, chuckling as I sat on the bed to pet Albus. “She’s much more lively though.”
“I never imagined my father’s children would be so open to me,” she admitted. “But I have yet to meet my brother.”
“He’ll adore you,” I assured her. That boy was so friendly I couldn’t believe he’d be anything but excited about meeting Ava. “I hope Marka comes soon…”