She just stood there for a minute, eyes going from me to the rolled up sleeve of my tunic and the blood, and then to the already charred linen roll in the fire. “You have more wrappings?” she asked as she strode over, and when my eyes wandered to the cabinet, she opened it and pulled out a new roll. “I take it you aren’t as interested in seeing me as Nira made it seem.” She pulled my elbow out so she could start coiling the linen around the wound.
I was still frustrated, especially because Nira had put me in this situation, but I couldn’t take that out on Rhien. “It’s not that I’m against conversation,” I said, watching her hands circle my arm. “But I fear Nira may have misled your expectations.”
Even though I didn’t say it, she knew what I was implying. Knew that Nira had hoped a woman, and maybe even just sex, would be a distraction for me. But the very thought of it made me sick to my stomach—I’d betrayed Ava enough already.
Rhien hummed, and then said, “I fear she may have misled yours as well.” I squinted at her curiously. “I’m not so daft as not to realize you’ve no interest in romance,” she explained. “And I’ve no interest in investing in something which will yield no return.” Hearing her say that was such a relief that I was instantly no longer angry with Nira, and such a relief that I sighed loudly. Only, Rhien mistook it for something other than relief. “Was that offensive?” she asked worriedly, and since she was done with wrapping my arm, she tore the linen from the rest of the roll and tied it off.
“Thank you,” I said, pushing the sleeve of my tunic back down. “And no. On the contrary, it was… refreshing.” Everyone was so eager for me to forget and move on, it was nice of someone to actually acknowledge and know that I wasn’t ready for that to happen. “If you were aware of Nira’s lie, why’d you come?”
“I see the way they look at you,” she answered, turning to lean back against the table at my side. She smoothed the skirt of her dress, tucked a strand of her shoulder-length loose black curls behind her ear, and then folded her arms across her chest. “The pity and the concern. It’s well intentioned, I’m sure you know.” She shrugged, saying, “But sometimes the best support is being told that what you’re feeling is perfectly fine.”
I shut my eyes so she wouldn’t see the fresh blur of tears in them, and took in a deep breath to stop the flood of emotion. It felt so good to have someone tell me that, so comforting. It did nothing to heal me, or to make me want to move on, but for once I felt no pressure to hide my torment, which was strange for me, considering I hardly knew Rhien.
“I’ve seen the way your expression falls when they stop looking at you. I’ve seen how hard it is for you to pick it up again when their eyes return.” She unfolded her arms to set a hand on my back. “I can’t imagine how exhausting it is.”
Despite my efforts, a tear forced its way out and slid down my cheek. I opened my eyes, wiping the drop away with the back of my hand. “I am tired,” I agreed. “Most nights I can’t sleep, and lately, when I do fall asleep, I’ve been dreaming.”
“What kind of dreams?” she asked, removing her hand from my back and folding both in her lap.
“You know what grieves me?” I asked, because I wasn’t sure how much anyone really knew about my situation, though I was certain people talked. Rhien nodded. “I dream of her. I fall into a room, and she’s there. It scares her. And she’s thin and weak, but she won’t talk to me. It was the same the first couple of nights. She walked out the door before I could say anything, and when I tried to follow, I woke up. Last night I said her name, and she stopped, told me I was gone, and left.” I wiped away another tear, and for a few moments, there was no reply. When I glanced sideways at Rhien, she was staring at the ground. “What is it?” I asked.
“Do they feel real?” she asked, meeting my gaze. “The dreams.”
“I’m not sure,” I answered. “They’re unlike any dream I’ve ever had. Why?”
“I came with the mages from Duskford Monastery,” she said, “the mind masters, you know this?” I nodded. “I grew up there. We were taught history, heard stories, and learned of magic that could never be controlled because it was alive.”
“What are you trying to say?” I prompted.
“There was a story of magic that sought out lovers, separated by betrayal.” She pushed away from the table to pace in front of me, still watching the ground. “It would give them a chance to reconcile.”
My eyes widened, watching Rhien with renewed and intense interest. “I’m dreaming to make amends? Does it mean she’s alive?”
“If that’s what this is,” she answered, “then yes, and you can make amends if she’ll let you. She, the betrayed, has total control when you meet.” And all I could do was let out a stunted breath, full of so many powerful emotions that my eyes flooded once more. “Kiena, there is risk to you.” I sniffled, trying to keep myself composed so she could speak, and nodded that I was listening. “There’s always a door. If the betrayed closes that door, the betrayer will be stuck in the dream forever.”
It was so much to take in. The dreams were real and Ava was alive. I had the confirmation I’d been so desperately searching for. In the morning I could tell Kingston, and he could tell his spies, and we could find her. Or maybe I could ask her, if I could get her to talk to me in the dream. Maybe she knew where she was being held. But, wait…
“Why is she in such poor health?” I asked. “In the dream.”
Rhien’s eyebrows converged with apology. “What you are in the dream is what you are in the world. If she’s sick, you must find her.”
The entire last six months, I’d dreaded the night. Lying down and trying to sleep had been agonizing, had been hours of reliving all the mistakes I’d made. Now, I wanted to sleep. I wanted to find Ava and rescue her.
“Thank you,” I whispered, with so much overwhelming gratitude that I stood and gave Rhien a tight hug. “Thank you.”
She returned it, nodding as I let her go. She must’ve known how desperate I was to figure this out, because she started toward the door of my room. “Kiena,” she said when she reached it, pausing to look at me. “I hear the soldiers talk in the tavern. They admire you. You’re an important part of this rebellion.” She grabbed the handle to open the door, saying before she walked out, “Be careful.”
Once she was gone, I dressed for sleep and smothered the fire, climbing into bed and shutting my eyes tight. I wanted to fall asleep instantly, because this was important and I had to figure out where Ava was. Had to let her know that we were getting closer to finding her, because she had to be aware that I was searching. However, I was so desperate for sleep that it was reluctant to come. I lay there for hours, getting more and more frustrated at the fact that I wouldn’t drift off, which only made it more difficult. At one point, I considered going to the infirmary to find something to put me to sleep, but though it was illogical that I’d see someone there so late at night, I was reluctant to explain myself should I be caught.
I couldn’t even say when I did manage to fall asleep, all I knew was that I’d hit that dark ground, and I was suddenly in the dream. This time had to be different, though. I had to make Ava talk to me. Go to her. I worked myself up to stand before that urging voice could gain importance, prepared for it when the blackness gave out beneath me. I plummeted, colliding with the stone floor in the castle room and immediately springing to my feet. Ava didn’t even have time to wipe the surprise off her face.
“Ava,” I said, my voice so full of relief because I could be sure that this was her. I was truly talking to Ava. The corners of her mouth pulled into an agonized frown while her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head as if the very sight of me was too much, and made a move for the door. “Wait,” I pleaded, stepping forward and grabbing her hand.