I shook my head, but worried that she’d stayed here instead of going for food, asked, “Have you eaten?”
“Your mother came by,” she answered with a nod. “She looked rightly concerned that I was here, but offered to bring me something.” She looked over at me, making a telling glance down at where the dagger had pierced through my ribs. “She was very kind to me… Too kind.”
I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault. That she didn’t deserve any punishment or scorn for what happened. But with her so close, and finally looking me in the eyes and speaking to me normally, I could do nothing but stare at her. What I wanted more than anything was for her to just look at me and talk about anything and everything, and I wanted to bask in it.
After a few moments of me staring at her, her eyebrows furrowed curiously. “What?” She brushed her hands together and then ran the back of one across her cheek. “Have I got charcoal on my face?”
I couldn’t help it. I got so emotional that my eyes filled with tears. “There was a time I thought I’d never see you again,” I admitted. “I was beginning to think you’d never speak to me.” Though she hadn’t told me that she was ready to hear my apology, it felt like she was. Felt like I could finally say it without her breaking down. Only, I couldn’t say it without breaking down myself. “I’m so sorry, Ava,” I said, and my voice cracked with emotion as all the guilt I’d been harboring for the last six months rushed to the surface, finally ready to be released. “We looked for you. Gods, I swear to you, we looked. Not a second went by that I didn’t hate myself for what I did, and not a moment passed that I didn’t think of you and worry.”
I reached up to wipe at the moisture on my cheeks. “You don’t have to forgive me,” I told her. “You can go back to avoiding me, please just know that I regretted my betrayal every day. I never forgot you, and I never stopped looking.” My head dropped with remorse, and there were too many tears streaming down my face to wipe them away. They ran along my chin and fell into my lap. “I never should have left you. I betrayed your trust, and you have every right to be angry with me. I never should have left, I just…” I took in a stunted breath, trying my best to keep from sobbing. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Ava didn’t say anything at first, but slid off the edge of the bed and moved to stand in front of me. For a few long moments, I could feel her simply watching me, but then she wrapped her arms around my neck, and she hugged me tight for half a minute before pulling away and reaching for my face. “Kiena,” she said, thumbing away my tears, “look at me.” It took a few seconds, but eventually I managed to collect myself and meet her gaze. “You made the choice that we both knew you’d make all along if it came to it. It’s the choice I’d have you make again.” She let go with one hand to stroke the backs of her fingers down my cheek, brushing away another tear. “Your mother is a wonderful woman, and Nilson is so full of love. I’d do it all again if it meant their safety, and yours.”
I took a hard and broken breath in order to say, “But they were safe all along. I left you for nothing.”
Ava shook her head, making another comforting caress against my cheek. “You couldn’t have known.” Letting go of my face, she dropped her hands to mine to hold them. “I’m not angry with you.” Her lips pursed at that, and while her cheeks tinted with embarrassment, she admitted, “Well… I was… sometimes. I know it’s not your fault, but it took you so long to find me, and on the worst days I couldn’t help doubting everything, especially your feelings for me. I was angry with you, but more than anything, I’ve been so furious with myself.” I met her eyes curiously when she paused, and she gave a sad smile. “I held on for so long, thinking you’d come. I knew you would, but it took so long that I surrendered. I gave up on hope and life, and I wanted to die, Kiena.” Her eyes filled with tears, and now it was my turn to reach up and wipe them away. “That’s not me. I’ve never surrendered to anything in my twenty-one years, but… I did. I thought you were dead, too, and I couldn’t do it anymore.”
With my hands on her face, she reached up to set her palms against the backs of them. “I’m sorry I’ve not spoken to you,” she said. “Being back has been overwhelming. I’ve needed time to take in that I was rescued, and how much everything has changed. I’ve had to sort through my emotions, and I’ve not known what to say or how to begin. I’ve been angry and ashamed, and it’s been hard for me to forgive myself for losing faith.” She nuzzled her cheek into my palm, saying, “But speaking to you now, taking comfort in you these last days, I finally feel like I’m home again. After everything… After all this time… You still feel as much like home as you always have.”
My gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth as I took in exactly what that meant to her, and what she was telling me. I could feel her watching me, but when her tongue slipped out to wet her bottom lip, it felt like all the permission I needed. I eased forward and kissed her. It was soft, and slow, and though her heart skipped and my own felt like it would burst with joy, I didn’t kiss her long. She stopped it, but was so reluctant to completely pull away that she set her forehead against mine.
Her eyes scanned my face as she asked, “What about Nira?”
“Nira?” All she did was nod, and it took a long moment for me to realize what she was asking. What she was implying was going on between Nira and me. “What? No,” I said, in such shock that I didn’t even know how to react. “Ava, she’s your sister.”
“And the closest thing to me,” she explained. “You said yourself once that we’re very much alike.”
“Aye, but…” I was so thrown by the concept that I was still struggling for words. “But she’s not you.” I let go of Ava’s face and leaned back a little to see her better. “Where did you get this idea?”
“It seems like there’s a lot of tension between you on account of my return.” She shrugged, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “And it appears as though you bicker like a couple.” All I could do was stare at her and blink, and her eyebrows converged with worry as she asked, “Have I offended you?”
“No, you haven’t.” I chuckled. “I’m a bit stunned is all. We’ve tension because Nira is stubborn, and we don’t always agree.” Now that I’d got over the shock, I couldn’t help but laugh more wholly at the complete absurdity of it. “It’s never even crossed my mind, and I’m fairly certain she hasn’t much interest in women.” I was still chuckling, but narrowed my eyes at Ava. “You’d kiss me if I were courting your sister?”
“You kissed me!” she laughed.
“You’ve been flirting,” I accused, and I leaned forward once more, saying amusedly against her lips, “and you made no attempt at stopping me.” I was about to kiss her again, and she parted her lips in preparation for it, but I couldn’t help it that I snorted with laughter, which pulled me away again. “Nira,” I snickered. “Gods have mercy. I love your sister, but I don’t love your sister.”
“You’ve quite made your point,” Ava giggled, rolling her eyes.
“Alright,” I said, tapering off my laughter because there was still an embarrassed tint in her cheeks. “You and I never bickered,” I mused, shifting the subject away from Nira.
Ava put her hands on my knees, saying with a somber shrug, “We also never got to be a proper couple.” There was a lengthy pause, during which she watched her hands and appeared to be in such deep thought that I didn’t want to say anything. So I set my hands on top of hers, and she responded by slipping her fingers through mine and meeting my gaze. “Kiena,” she prompted, and I hummed that I was listening. “I wanted to say thank you… For liberating me.”