“Dragons?” I repeated, to which she nodded.
Though her speculation had been purely wishful thinking, something about it excited me. How could we ever know for sure if the dragons were truly gone? How could we know if we didn’t see for ourselves? I could vaguely recall some details from the few of Kingston’s war meetings I’d caught moments of. The castle at Cornwall was set against a mountain, and the only way for us to storm in was to battle our way in from the front. But was that truly the only way to get there?
What if we could get in from above? What if we could bypass the battlefields outside the castle and get straight to Hazlitt beyond the walls? I couldn’t spark jump over the castle walls because I’d be going in alone, and against an unknown number of Hazlitt’s men. I could take someone with me, but Ava’s heart had stopped when I’d brought her back from the coast, and though it may have been on account of her condition, I wouldn’t risk it again. Ava, however, was more right than she might think. It was a desperate play, and likely one that would be a huge waste of our time, but if we left early and by some miracle of the gods managed to recruit a dragon, our chances of reaching Hazlitt—and of winning this war—would improve tenfold.
“Will you come with me in the morning?” I asked. “To talk to Kingston about something.”
Ava nodded, but she must have been stuck on the idea of how I’d get a dragon, because she said, “I hear you’ve learned to control minds. Is that what I got a taste of in the infirmary?”
She didn’t seem at all upset about it, but my own discomfort with the ability caused me to wince. “I’m sorry.”
She looked suddenly excited. “So you can?” she asked, and she moved the leaflet off my lap to throw a leg over and straddle me. “Show me.”
“Show you?” I repeated. She nodded, but there was no way I was going to control her for no reason. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t do that to you again,” I said. “It’s wrong.”
Her eyebrows furrowed with disagreement. “You saved me from hurting myself the first time, and this time I’m giving you permission.” And she took in an excited breath as she slid her arms around my neck. “Can you do it without speaking?”
“Ava,” I protested, “I don’t want to know. How’s this power any different from what Hazlitt’s done to you?”
She blinked at me for a long moment while her arms fell from my neck, as though she truly didn’t know what to think or how to respond. Then she said, “It’s different because I trust you. Because I love you and I know you’d never try and hurt me.” She gave a small smile as if it would help ease my discomfort. “There’s not a vile bone in your body.”
It didn’t work, and my eyes dropped to the wound across my knuckles. “Isn’t there?”
There was a lengthy pause, and then her fingers set beneath my chin, drawing my gaze back to hers. “You lashed out because of how badly he hurt you,” she said. “Because of your own pain. Not because of malice harbored in your heart.”
I took in a deep breath, admitting on a sigh, “I’m not so sure.” I’d beat Silas because I wanted him to hurt like I had, because I was angry with him. Was that not vengeance? Was that not malice? I’d first discovered that I could also control people because of my fury with him. A part of me didn’t want to believe that ability was born of benevolent intent.
“I am,” Ava said.
But I shook my head. “You weren’t there.”
When my gaze nearly fell away with shame, she moved to catch it, saying firmly, “I’m sure.” And there was such a devoted look of confidence on her face that I almost had no choice but to believe it, if only because of how deeply she believed in me. “Now come on,” she added, returning her arms around my neck. “How’s it work?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “And it’s painful.”
“Oh,” she murmured, dropping her arms again. Though, she wasn’t entirely deterred. “Does it hurt even if someone’s letting it happen?” All I did was shrug. “Shouldn’t you know for certain? For when we face Hazlitt?”
“We?”
Her expression fell flat as she asked, “You didn’t honestly think I’d let you find him alone?” Before I could even protest that, she said, “Let’s go, test it out on me. You need to know your limits. I won’t fight it, I promise.”
I sighed in defeat, trying to take comfort in the fact that this is what she wanted. “Raise your hand,” I commanded. That familiar feeling went down the front of my skull, and though it was far from being pleasant, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as it did when I’d controlled Silas.
Ava’s hand shot in the air, and she snorted with laughter. “That’s incredible!” she exclaimed. “Did it hurt?”
“Not as much,” I answered, studying the amusement in her expression. “You really don’t mind that I was in your head?”
“I’m safe with you,” she said without a hitch. “Try again without speaking.”
And since she seemed so genuinely comfortable with this, I was able to grow slightly curious of my own abilities. So I tried it. I thought snap as forcefully as I could, and at the vibrating in my head, Ava snapped her fingers. She laughed loudly, a bright excitement lighting her face. I couldn’t keep a slightly pleased smile off my own face, because I hadn’t known I could do it without giving a verbal command.
“You’re impressed with yourself,” Ava observed. “Can we try one more thing?” When I raised one curious eyebrow, she said, “See how well you can multitask while controlling me.”
“Um,” I breathed, “alright… How?”
She shrugged. “Perhaps try counting to ten.”
I chuckled because that sounded terribly easy, but I’d try it anyway. This time, I made Ava wave her hand, and I kept her doing it so that the heavy tingling never left my head. And I discovered that counting wasn’t quite so simple when I had to focus on controlling another person. It was hard enough to put the numbers in order in my mind, and though my mouth hung open in preparation for saying them out loud, I couldn’t form the sounds in my throat. After a good half minute of trying, I laughed and gave up.
“It appears I can’t multitask,” I admitted.
Ava gave an exaggerated grin. “Aren’t you glad you know now instead of finding out when we get to Hazlitt?”
I nodded. “What does it feel like for you?”
Her mouth pursed thoughtfully for a moment before she answered, “It doesn’t feel like anything. I just know my hand is moving and I hadn’t told it to.”
I hummed my acknowledgment, glad that it at least wasn’t painful for her, though I couldn’t say I’d have minded if it hurt Hazlitt. For a few moments now, we sat in silence. My hands had set on Ava’s thighs, and I could feel her studying me as we held each other’s stare. Part of me thought she might be coming up with some new way to test my abilities, but a long minute passed without her saying anything.
It made me want to kiss her, being so close to her while looking into her eyes like this. I might’ve even closed the distance if she didn’t appear to be in such deep thought, and eventually I asked, “What is it?”
She reached up, brushing her fingers back through my hair. “Are you afraid?”
My head tilted in consideration while her hand fell to my neck. I wasn’t afraid of Hazlitt. He was powerful, but so was I, and after everything he’d put us through, I was too furious to be afraid of him. Nor was I afraid of pain, because it couldn’t be worse than all I’d experienced the last six months. But I was afraid. “Yes,” I answered, reaching for Ava’s hand and bringing the back of it to my lips. “I’m afraid of missing out on a lifetime of this.”