“Not really. Playing football helped pay my tuition, and without that scholarship, my parents would have gone into serious debt to get me into school. Football was a means to an end, from my perspective.”
“But did you enjoy playing, at least?”
He laughed. “Oh, hell yeah! I loved it. I just didn’t want to do it forever.”
“Well, if you didn’t want to play football, then what did you want to do?” As the swing fell to where Tatum’s hands would normally reach for me, I braced for the contact, but it didn’t come. I turned to look at him and made the swing go crooked as it moved forward again, wobbling from side to side.
“I’ll tell you after you tell me more stuff about you,” he said.
“What do you want to know?” I offered, wondering what he would ask and if there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t honestly tell him.
He pulled the swing to a stop and leaned toward me like he was going to confess a secret before asking, “Why were you really driving across the country? Was it all because of Douchepants?” Reaching for my hand, he grabbed it, planted a kiss on the top, then pulled me back and sent me swinging again toward the trees.
“No,” I shouted immediately before pondering on where to start exactly. “I just needed to get away. I’d been telling my team that I wanted to go to college for a few years now, but they kept putting me off. It was always ‘Not now, Paige’ or ‘You can do that later,’ you know?”
Tatum nodded that he understood, and I continued. “But I finally realized that later was a day that was never gonna come. They were never gonna let me stop working to go to school. And then my little sister started applying to colleges and hearing back from them, and now she’s getting ready to move on with her life and move out.”
“And you were jealous?” he asked, his tone understanding and not judgmental.
“I was. I was totally jealous. Stupid, right?” I slowed my kicks and waved Tatum’s hands off as the swing came to a slow stop.
“Not at all. Most of us are raised as products of our environment. A lot of the kids here are raised to take over their family farms, or run a shop, or something. But I’m sure where you grew up, everyone planned on going to school and then going to college. We all follow these paths that are set before us, whether we realize we’re doing it or not.”
It felt like a light bulb clicked in my brain as I stared at Tatum. “You are so right. So, so right. I always assumed that that was what I would do. I would graduate from high school and go to college. I’d never planned on being an actress or anything like that. All that stuff came out of nowhere.”
Tatum nodded. “But the things you’d wanted back then, you still want now. It’s like having unfulfilled dreams. Or parts of your life you always thought you’d have and then they got taken away from you. The want doesn’t go away simply because the opportunity did.” He shrugged, obviously completely getting it. Maybe because he’d lived it too.
“How’d you get so smart?” I kicked playfully at his leg with my foot, and he grabbed on.
“How’d you get so dumb?”
I opened my mouth to say something in response, but all I could do was laugh. And then I couldn’t stop.
“Your turn,” I told him through my laughing fit.
“For what?” He raised his eyebrows and smirked at me.
“To tell me what you wanted to do after college.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t tell me?” My stomach instantly tensed up. I had just shared so much of myself with him, and he didn’t want to share this with me?
“Not here. I’ll show you when we get back to the barn.”
Curious, I was practically dancing in my seat with impatience. “Let’s go back there now then.”
“Nah. Not yet. You’re not done flying through the trees.” He pushed at my back again and I sailed into the humid air.
“I can’t remember the last time I’ve been on a swing. How come we forget how fun they are?”
“We forget all kinds of things once we grow up. But I knew you’d like it.”
As I pumped my feet, my brown hair blowing all around me as I floated, I thought about how quickly my relationship with Tatum had changed. How all it took was one kiss in the middle of a bar to change everything between us.
I recognized how truly happy I felt being here with him in these moments. The feeling felt new, different somehow. Was I stupid to want it to last?
College Applications
Paige
We headed back through the woods hand in hand before walking into his mama’s house, saying hi, grabbing a sandwich, and going right back out the front door. Mrs. Montgomery’s gaze dropped to our locked hands, and she smiled before making eye contact with me. I blushed and bit back the grin that tried to escape, but failed. I wanted to talk to her about all this, but right now wasn’t the time.
Back in the barn, I started to head over to the couch to sit down, but Tatum stopped me. “Nope. Go over to the desk and turn on the computer.”
Narrowing my gaze, I gave him a questioning look. “Why?”
“Don’t argue with me or I’ll call you that name you hate.”
I grumbled and he laughed, then walked away as I pressed the button to start the aging PC. Placing a plate with a sandwich in front of me, as well as a glass of sweet tea, Tatum nodded toward the screen. “So?”
I didn’t get it. “So, what?”
“Where do you want to go to college?” He folded his arms across his chest as he waited for my response.
“Where do I what? I don’t know!” I shrieked a little too defensively, and he threw his hands up in surrender.
“Don’t bite my head off, Paige. I’m asking you a question you should already know the answer to, don’t you think?”
Heat crept up my neck and flooded into my cheeks. I felt like an idiot. I’d talked and fought for the chance to go to college for so many years, but I’d never actually taken any of the steps to do it. I looked away from Tatum’s knowing stare. “I’m not sure where I want to go.”
“Well, figure it out.” He pointed to the Internet icon.
I paused for a moment. “I always thought I’d want to get as far away from everyone as possible. But now I don’t think I’d be happy if I went that far away. Is that stupid? Do you think I’m a wimp? I bet Quinn would call me a wimp,” I said, babbling.
“Why would I think you’re a wimp?” His hand caressed my arm and chills appeared.
“I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve been fighting with my agent over this for so long. And now that I’m actually thinking about doing it, I don’t think I want to go away at all.”
Tatum squinted at me. “What do you mean you don’t want to go away?”
“I just mean that I still want to go to college, but I think that I actually want to do it in LA. I don’t want to completely give up one thing for another, and I’ve worked too hard to build the career I have to just walk away from it. And I don’t want to, but I also want something normal. I want to go to college and do college things. I guess I just want it all,” I said slowly, realizing that I didn’t want to give up on acting completely.
Actually, I wanted options and I wanted control, in all areas of my life; I was tired of everything being decided for me. There had to be a way where I could have all the things I wanted without losing my career.
“Makes sense to me. You want to control your destiny. You want to have a say in your life. And you should.”
“So should you,” I added, realizing now more than ever that our situations, while completely different, had similar themes.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start anymore. I’ve been out of school for so long, basically doing nothing but running Dad’s shop. What the hell would I major in? What would be the point?” His voice sounded so deflated, it tore at my heartstrings.