I let out a laugh. “No, it doesn’t. You’re aware that you’re asking for help. And you don’t act like you deserve all these things for nothing. Nothing about you is crappy, Paige. Except maybe your taste in ex-boyfriends.”
“Hey!” she squeaked out, her eyes wide and her jaw hanging open. “What about my taste in guys now?” She deliberately ran her gaze up and down my body, and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and spank the sass right out of her.
“Still questionable,” I said teasingly.
She shrugged. “Can’t win ’em all.”
“I’m proud of you.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist, then pulled her against me and dipped my head to kiss her soft lips.
“Thank you. That means a lot. So, where’d you apply?” she asked with a wink.
“You’re hilarious.”
“I mean it, Tatum. You shouldn’t let all that talent go to waste. You won’t let me give up on my dreams, so I can’t let you give up on yours.”
“My dreams aren’t as easy as yours,” I said, and instantly wished that I could take the words back as her relaxed stance turned defensive and she pulled out of my arms.
“Easy? Oh, that’s right, everything’s easy for me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Paige. It’s just—” I bit back my words, unsure how to fix this. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. Please, I just meant that I don’t even know where to start anymore.” I closed the space between us, not wanting my stupid mouth to ruin the night.
“You’re just scared,” she snapped, and my temper flared.
I stared at her, a battle of wills brewing between us. Instead of fighting her, I nodded. “You’re right. I am,” I admitted as my defenses crumpled.
“I know it’s scary. Change is scary. And going after your dreams is terrifying.” She walked into the kitchen and leaned her arms on the countertop.
“I’m comfortable in my failure.” I sat on top of the coffee table and positioned myself to face her, even though she was across the room.
“You’re not a failure.”
“I think deep down I know that. But I’ve tossed everything I want aside. I’ve let my whole life simmer on the back burner for so long. And I think the honest-to-God truth is that it’s just easier that way.”
“Of course it’s easier. It’s always easier to not try, to not rock the boat, to not put yourself out there,” she practically shouted. “Of course it’s easier to stay complacent and pretend you’re happy when you’re just content. There’s a fire that burns inside you, Tatum—I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it when you play the guitar and you talk about music. It would be a real shame to let that fire burn out instead of feeding it.”
Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes for a moment before refocusing on her. Her words were powerful, and part of me couldn’t believe she was talking about me. When was the last time anyone had said something so inspired—and meant it in reference to me?
I shook my head. “You know what you want to do. You want to go to school and find that normal life you’ve been searching for. But nothing else in your world has to change if you don’t want it to. Everything in my life has to change. Every single thing.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t feel ready.”
“When will you ever feel ready? Every day that passes is just more time you’re losing and can never get back.”
“I know.”
“Tatum,” she said in a soft, pleading voice, but my gaze stayed glued to the floor. “Tatum,” she said a little louder, and I looked up at her. “I don’t mean to push you. I just really think you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try. I think you’ll eventually hate yourself for it.”
“Because you hated yourself?”
“I didn’t hate myself, per se, but I definitely regret not doing all of this sooner. Maybe I thought my desire for college would go away eventually. I don’t know, but it never did. It’s like a part of me that is this living, breathing thing. It wants to be recognized. It wants to be fed. That’s what I think music is for you. But I guess I could be wrong.”
I shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”
“You of all people should know how precious time is. That every day we’re given is a gift and not something to be taken lightly.”
My thoughts drifted to my father. Would he be proud of me and the man I became? I knew he would be. But would he want more for me and want me to follow my own dreams? He would want that as well.
With a sigh, I said, “Okay, I’ll do some research tomorrow. It’s a small step, but that’s probably how I’ll need to approach this.”
“It’s better than no steps at all.” Paige smiled and moved over toward me. She dropped to her knees and rested her forearms on my thighs. “You can do this, Tatum. You can do anything you set your mind to. I truly believe that.”
Her head tilted up as her lips met mine in the sweetest kiss. I opened my mouth and drank her in. Paige’s hands wrapped around the lower part of my back, her fingers digging into my skin, and I pulled her even tighter against me. She couldn’t get any closer, but that didn’t stop me from trying. I slid my hand up the small of her back and traced her curves before settling on the crook of her neck. When she moaned into my mouth, I lifted her from the floor and pulled her into my lap. Her hips wiggled as she moved against me.
“Paige, sweetheart, you’d better stop moving your hips like that.”
“Or what?” she asked, her lips moving to my neck and dropping kisses there as her hips still moved, driving me crazy.
“Or maybe I’ll stop being so nice and I’ll start taking advantage of you,” I whispered against her lips.
“Maybe I want you to take advantage of me.” She pulled back, leveling a serious gaze on me, and I met her eyes.
“Is that what you want? You’re ready to do this?” I asked as I desperately tried to keep my real brain in control.
“Are you?”
And that was the million-dollar question. Was I ready to have sex with her? Every molecule in my body wanted to get lost in her, but I knew my head would be royally screwed up if I allowed that to happen and then had to let her go. I was never good at the whole one-night-stand thing, and I definitely wasn’t the love-’em-and-leave-’em type. Being physical with her meant getting attached, and I couldn’t afford to do that with someone like Paige Lockwood.
“Not yet,” I admitted, and I swear I heard my dick cry out in protest.
Paige smiled. “Okay then. No more dry humping,” she said with a laugh before scooting off my lap.
“Aw, man. I didn’t say that,” I said with a whine.
She leaned down, giving me another mind-blowing kiss before saying, “I’m going to head to bed in the house. I’ll see you in the morning.” Her lips brushed against mine. “Don’t forget to start researching. Maybe we can make a list of everything you need to do just to see what sounds good to you, or where the schools might be. We can do that tomorrow, if you want.”
“Would that make you feel better about my future?”
“Don’t make fun of me. But yes, it would. I want to help, and I know this is the only way you’ll let me.”
I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right about that.
“Okay, babe. Tomorrow we’ll start researching my shit.”
“Yay!” She clapped her hands with excitement and I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back down on me so I could lose myself in her lips.
“I changed my mind,” I mumbled between kisses, and she moved her mouth away from mine.
“About what?”
“I want you.”
I needed to get out of my own head for once and live in the moment. If I let Paige go without really knowing her inside and out, she would be one more thing I’d regret. This amazing girl materialized like magic into my life, and I was acting like a damn chick about it.