“Yeah, honey?”
“What should I do?”
Before she could answer me, Paige walked back up the porch and inside the house, her face red and her eyes glistening. “They need me to go.”
Pain ricocheted through my chest. “When?”
“Now,” she said, and without another word turned to walk down the hallway toward her bedroom.
I inhaled a choppy breath that stabbed its entire way down. Turning away from her, I shouted for Buster and headed outside. I needed air. I needed space.
Buster barked and ran for Jayson and Colin, who stood whispering to each other next to a Mercedes. My anger only grew as I yelled for Buster to come to me and leave the two dickheads alone. Traitorous dog. The least he could do was bite their ankles.
Paige is leaving me.
I knew this day would come, but I foolishly thought it would be on our terms. How the hell I could ever think that, I wasn’t sure, probably because I didn’t know any better. I hadn’t thought much about her actually leaving, and how it would happen. I’d been so caught up in her simply being here with me.
Pain filled my chest and the simplest task, like breathing, became something I needed to remind myself to keep doing. My heartbeat echoed in my ears as my entire body tensed at what needed to be done. I’d lived through much worse than losing Paige Lockwood, but damn, if it didn’t feel like this was worse. Realistically I knew it wasn’t, but try telling that to my heart. And here I thought I had no heart left after my dad died and Brina left me.
Way to prove me wrong, heart. Now go screw yourself; you’ve done enough damage.
Paige walked back into the hallway, her things clearly packed and ready to go. She turned to look at me, her face twisted in some sort of pleading look that I couldn’t read for certain. Maybe she wanted me to save her and make them leave?
I didn’t know, so I stiffened my back, sucked in a breath, and knew this was going to hurt like hell. “Just go, Paige. We both knew this wasn’t a forever thing.”
“I know that, but…” She stumbled on her words as her voice broke, and nearly broke me with it.
She knew that?
I hardened my heart, then bit out, “It’s been fun.”
“It’s been fun?” Her face twisted as tears pooled in her eyes, and something inside me snapped.
“You’re a good time,” I said as coldly as I could.
“Is this a joke right now? It’s not funny.”
“No joke. I’m telling you to go. You should have never been here in the first place.”
“You don’t mean that.”
When she took a step toward me, I pulled back, knowing that if I let her touch me I’d be done for. I’d never let her leave if her fingers even grazed my skin. Ever.
“I do,” I lied.
“I know what you’re doing,” she whispered as tears spilled over her lashes, each one killing me a little more than the last. “You’re just acting tough, but you don’t mean it. You don’t, you can’t.”
Her words stabbed at me, but I had to make her leave and go back to where she belonged. Paige had never intended to stay in this town, and if for some crazy reason she convinced herself that she wanted to, she’d eventually resent me for it.
I couldn’t live with that. I had to make her think I wanted her gone, had to push her away. It was for her own good, and mine as well.
“I mean it, Paige. I want you to leave. You’ve been here long enough. Go back where the people actually miss you and care that you’re gone.”
She gasped as if I’d slapped her, and the sound nearly caused my knees to buckle. I was too good at being a dick, too well versed in being mean to her.
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered. “I know you feel what I feel.” Her eyes pleaded with me as she lifted a trembling hand to her heart.
“I don’t feel anything.” The words practically burned my tongue as I spit them out, my lies choking me from within.
“I know that’s not true.” She sucked in a gulp of air, and I wanted so badly to be her oxygen. “But I’ll go,” she added with a nod, then pushed back her shoulders with determination.
I watched as she hesitated before turning away from me and walking toward her car. Colin grabbed Paige’s things from her, his hand brushing against hers, and placed them in the trunk. My blood boiled as I witnessed the simple gesture. He ushered her to the driver’s door and opened it for her.
She slid into the front seat of her BMW and started the engine. Colin tried to get into the passenger side, but fumbled with the door. I wanted to cheer Paige on when I realized she’d locked it and refused to let him in. That was my girl.
My girl. And I was letting her go. Hell, making her go was more accurate.
She’s not my anything. Not anymore. Only an idiot would think she ever was.
Paige turned to me one last time, her eyes locking with mine before she dropped a pair of black sunglasses over them. The car’s tires spun as she pulled out and headed down the drive.
I followed behind, Buster tagging along with me, until she got to the main road and turned down it. When the taillights of her BMW faded out of view, I fell to my knees, the gravel from the road piercing the denim in my already ripped jeans.
How long does a man have to stay on his knees until a woman knows—innately knows—that he’s on them waiting for her?
Probably forever. And I deserved nothing less.
So I stood there like an asshole and watched her go, doing nothing. I never tried to stop her, begged her to stay, asked for more time, or anything. Instead I pushed her out the door and forced her to leave.
I’m a coward.
Right now I should be chasing her car, begging her to never go anywhere without me.
Maybe she’ll turn around?
Maybe she’ll come back?
I smacked the side of my head, pissed off at myself for being such a dick to her. My defense mechanism kicked into the gear the minute I saw Colin here. He was lucky I didn’t beat that smug grin right off his face. Instead I handed her over to him like she was a prize at the fair that he didn’t deserve to win. But I gave her up anyway.
Take her. You can have her. I don’t want her anymore.
Only an idiot would do something as stupid as that.
Only a fool watches the girl he cares about drive away and does nothing about it.
Only me.
I must have kneeled in the road for hours. At least, it seemed like hours. Staring at the empty gravel road, watching the dust from her car settle after she was long gone, I wished I could take back every single harsh word I’d spoken and bring her back to me. But it was too late for that. She was gone.
After sucking in one last long breath, I turned away from the deserted road and noticed Buster waiting for me, his head resting on his paws. “C’mere boy,” I whispered and he whined, sidling up to my side with his tail between his legs.
Slowly we walked together toward my mom’s house, just my dog and me, heads low, no tail wagging in sight.
“She’s gone?” Mama’s strained voice sliced through me as the screen door closed at my back.
I nodded, feeling responsible for both of our losses—again—as Mama turned away without another word and walked down the hall. The door to her room closed softly, and I moped to the back barn to wallow in solitude.
Buster didn’t follow me there. Even my own dog didn’t want to be around me after what I’d done, and he was right.
I didn’t want to be around me either.
Long Drive Home
Paige
I lost track of how many states I’d cried tears in. I wasn’t stupid when it came to Tatum and why he acted the way he did. In my gut, I knew that he didn’t mean any of the harsh words that spilled out of his mouth, but my mind wouldn’t stop replaying them, as if to try to convince me otherwise.