Brighid frowned. “So Epona kept you from fixing Cu?”
“At first. Then I realized that this was not a pain from which a mother could protect her child. He needed to grieve for his lost love, even if his grief was tearing his soul asunder. Grief is part of the healing process. And I believe you’ve witnessed the alternative for yourself.”
Brighid blinked in surprise. “You mean the shattered part of Cu’s soul.”
“Yes. He’s come to you in your dreams, hasn’t he?”
Brighid snorted. “Cu said you know everything.”
Etain laughed. “Just everything important.”
“Yes,” she admitted, “he’s come to my dreams.”
“And what did you learn about him except that he is a terrible rogue?” Etain’s eyes sparkled at the Huntress.
“That he’s singled-minded about his pleasure and…”
“…And?”
“And endearing and charismatic and boyish,” she muttered.
Etain smiled. “That he certainly is. But what did you learn about him that was not so endearing?”
“He’s completely in denial. He can’t, or won’t, face any emotional difficulty. The instant I mention Brenna or try to talk to him about what’s really happening in the world-versus the happy pretend place he’s retreated to-he disappears.”
“Exactly. If I had stepped in and scooped Cuchulainn up after Brenna’s death, and had done what my heart was begging me to do-cushion him from pain and surround him in the power I have to duplicate Epona’s love-he would not have grieved and he would be eternally as the shattered part of his soul is now, unable to face reality. He would have become a weak, emotionally bereft man who spent a sad life running from his problems. He had to grieve.”
“I understand that. But he has grieved. He’s even begun to work through his pain.”
“Which is why your soul retrieval will be successful,” Etain said, quickly shaking her head when Brighid began to protest. “This is not the job for a mother. Nor is it a job for Ciara. He needs you to do this for him, Brighid. But more than that, Epona has decreed that it is part of your destiny.”
Brighid felt jolted by the Goddess Incarnate’s words. “Epona has spoken of me?” She didn’t realize she’d said her thought aloud until Etain answered her.
“Of course. Why would that surprise you? Epona’s presence is very strong in your family.”
“But my family…” Brighid floundered, not knowing what to say about the Dhianna Herd’s radical beliefs that centaurs and humans should not interact.
“Brighid, you do not need to feel such guilt. Epona has given her people free will-all of her people. Even those who have been richly blessed by her. Along with the gift of free will comes the possibility of mistakes. Rest assured that the Goddess knows your heart is clear of hatred. Epona does not hold a daughter responsible for her mother’s sins.”
Brighid tried to speak, but could not. The relief that poured through her was almost too much to bear. Epona did not blame her. She had not been branded or rejected by the Goddess.
Then Etain touched Brighid’s arm, and into the tumult of Brighid’s emotions flowed a soothing balm of kindness and love. The Huntress drew a long, shuddering breath.
“Thank you,” she told Etain, speaking to the woman and the Goddess she represented.
“Don’t let it haunt you, child.” With Etain’s words there came a swirling of the air around her, and suddenly within Brighid’s mind she heard the echo of a thought, so filled with power and warmth that it filled her eyes with tears,
Know that I am with you, precious one.
Brighid gasped. Then the swirling air and the whispering voice were gone.
“I-I think Epona…” Brighid stuttered, “She-she…”
“Her touch is breathingtaking, isn’t it?” Etain asked kindly, as if she hadn’t been feeling the Goddess’s presence for most of her life.
Brighid blinked and swiped the back of her hand across her wet cheeks. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes it is.”
“Here, child.” Etain turned and dug through one of the butter-colored saddlebags strapped behind her and pulled out two silk handkerchiefs. She handed one to the Huntress and kept the other so that she could delicately dab at her own eyes. “I’m always prepared for a good cry. It cleanses the soul.”
Brighid wiped her face, still in awe of the voice that had sounded through her mind. Epona had spoken to her! Her! And she was not being rejected because of her mother’s choices.
“Better now?” Etain asked.
“I think so,” she said.
“Good! I should go back there and find Ciara. She should pass the word that the children can break out their finery. It never hurts to look ones best.”
“Wait!” Brighid cried, and the silver mare stopped midturn. “I don’t know how to retrieve a soul.”
Etain smiled at her. “You’re doing just fine. You’ve already called him to you in your dreams.”
“But not recently. He stopped coming to my dreams the night we got to Guardian Castle.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that. He’ll come again. When you’re home, with your Clan about you, ready yourself for your spirit journey, just as you would use your powers to track new prey.”
“You-you know about that?” As soon as the words escaped Brighid felt ridiculously foolish. Again. Of course Epona’s Chosen would recognize her affinity with the spirits of animals.
“Using gifts granted to you by Epona is nothing to be ashamed of,” Etain said firmly.
“I’m not ashamed of the gift,” Brighid insisted, anxious that Etain understand. “I’ve been ashamed of how my family has used its gifts. I didn’t want to be like…” She paused. The priestess’s gaze was kind, motherly, understanding.
“Go on, child. You can say it.”
“I don’t want to be like my mother,” Brighid said in a rush.
“Did you ever consider that it is possible for you to be like her in that you have been gifted greatly, and be unlike her in the way you choose to use those gifts?”
“Yes! That’s why I only use my affinity with the animal spirits. The rest of it-I didn’t even really realize I had more until recently.”
“But you do have more than a simple affinity for the spirits of animals. Isn’t your denial a victory for your mother?”
“I’ve never thought of it that way.” Brighid could almost hear her mother’s hard voice, You will follow me as proper High Shaman, or you will be nothing.
“Perhaps you should think of it. And don’t worry about not being able to find Cu’s spirit. When you’re ready, he’ll come to you.”
“And then what?” Brighid blurted, mind whirring with Etain’s words.
“You’ll know, child. You’ll know what will bring him back. I’m sure of it. I have faith in your abilities, Brighid.” Etain smiled, turned the mare so that she was pointed back down the wagon line, and trotted jauntily off, leaving Brighid with a silk handkerchief and unanswered questions.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
S he liked the quality of light that filtered through the forest just as the sun was rising, or as it was now when it was almost ready to set. The connection between dawn and sunset was like a coin with two faces. Alike, yet separate. Similar, yet not the same. There was a simplicity and rightness to thinking of the two as reflections of one another…beginning and ending…and then beginning again…just another part of the great circle of life. The thought brought Brighid peace, and it was one of the many reasons she preferred to hunt during the shifting of the day.