His grin lights his eyes and he raises a single eyebrow. “You have no idea.”
SIXTEEN
Peter convinces me to come out to the table for lunch and with Lir’s help I’m able to hobble out there and sit with my leg propped up on a chair. With the constant stream of chatter flowing around me, I stuff myself until there’s no more room. It feels good to be full, almost good enough that I can forget everything else.
The chatter is mostly from the strange priest, but Lir also contributes to the conversation. Amazingly, my alien friend is nearly as talkative. Maybe Peter’s rambling nature is contagious, or maybe they had plenty of time to get to know one another. Either way, I relax into my chair and enjoy just watching him talk and smile and laugh— Lir, not Peter.
Whether it’s my still fuzzy brain or just me, Peter is a little much for me. He starts off babbling on about one topic and then switches, often mid-sentence. In one verbal explosion he can cover three different topics and ask at least five different questions, none of which he actually gives me time to answer. Lir seems to have developed an ability to keep him somewhat on track, but I’m just working on perfecting my smile and nod, that and not falling asleep on my plate.
“Huh?” I force my drooping eyelids up. “What was that?”
“Oh my, you’re quite exhausted again aren’t you dear? I was telling you young people that I’ve got an old truck in the shed. I’ve kept it up and it still works, converted fuel and all. Might help you get to your destination sooner if you’d like to borrow it. That is, you do know how to drive, yes? Silly me, probably not. When would you have gotten a chance to learn after all?”
My tired mind at least picks up on the important bits. “You have a truck?” This is the best news I’ve gotten since this whole ordeal began.
Though I know Dane keeps a fleet of at least five, working vehicles are few and far between in this post-Collapse world. At least vehicles in the human sense of the word. There are plenty of ships that fly overhead carting around alien passengers.
“That’s what I just said, wasn’t it?”
Yeah, among a whole lot of other noise. It’s hard, but I resist rolling my eyes. “Driving can’t be that hard. I can learn.”
Peter’s brow furrows and he looks at my leg. “It’s a manual though, you know stick shift.” At my blank look, he continues. “You have to use both legs, for driving. One for the pedals and one for the clutch. Probably wouldn’t matter much if it was your other leg, but the clutch on the old biddy is difficult, sticky, you’ve really gotta work it. With your injury…nope.” He turns in his seat. “What about you, my boy? Fancy learning how to drive a stick shift? Shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, the driving bit at least. I’m sure you all could get out on the road with no problem. I’ve even got a map that can take you right to the city. Gotta watch out for that band of ruffians. Very unpleasant. Just the other day--”
“What ruffians, Peter?” Lir smirks at me.
Hardly missing a beat Peter continues. “There’s about ten, maybe twenty. They don’t tend to bother me, I’m too old for their interests, but they aren’t anyone you want to run into. Mostly they stick to the old WalMart a few miles over, but lately they’ve been going further afield. A few of them crashed through the woods nearby a few hours before you showed up. Didn’t say much, just asked if I’d seen a girl traveling with…” His eyes go wider. “…an alien. Oh dear, they were looking for you. Those were the men you told me about, yes? The ones you had an altercation with? Well thank goodness you escaped, nasty characters those are.”
Lir leans across the table. “You say there are maybe as many as twenty of them? What else do you know about them?”
Peter fidgets in his chair and twists his fingers together. “The leader, his name is Lenny I believe. Big man, likes guns. His oldest son, Stuart, recruited some of the other guys and… I’m not entirely sure what their purpose is. He’s got a younger son too, just a kid really, Zach is his name. When he was younger he used to spend a lot of time here with me. I tried to teach him right from wrong, the Lord knows his brother hasn’t. Haven’t seen him in a while though. I think he’s joined up fully with whatever Stuart’s involved in now. I try to stay out of it mostly, but they’ve come through here…”
“And you’ve fed them. Or whatever else,” says Lir.
The rest of their conversation fades out around me. I don’t care that we missed them by mere hours. I focus on three simple words: Just a kid. Zach was just a kid and I killed him. Thunk. A gush of blood.
My stomach turns, the food now a lead weight. I stumble to my feet and limp quickly back to the bathroom. The cold tile makes my knees scream, but I have to get down there to puke up my lunch. Dammit. Just a kid.
Once I’ve relieved myself of my stomach contents, I sling my arm over the toilet seat and rest my forehead on it. Am I trembling from nerves or weakness? Sweat beads on my brow and my leg is screaming. Bed would be nice right about now.
Someone crouches down beside me, but I’m too tired to turn my head. Lir’s warm hand makes circles on my back and comfort flows from his touch.
“You did what you had to. It’s normal to feel guilty for that, but don’t let it tear you up like this.”
“I’m trying…it’s not just Zach…” I almost choke on the name. “…He’s not the only one. It just brings so much back to me and I don’t want it. I don’t want those memories.”
“I know.” I tilt my head to the side and he smiles softly. “They’re part of you though. You can’t shut them out forever.”
I’m sure he doesn’t mean it that way, but his words sound like an accusation. I close my eyes. That look of his, searching, pitying… I can’t see it right now. “I think I need to go back to bed. Rest up. I want to get out of here tomorrow.”
“Isn’t that a little soon? Your leg—”
“Jace has waited long enough.” My words are fast and harsh. “Besides, the ‘ruffians’ are bound to come back by here. We need to be gone well before they do.”
Lir nods. “Fine then.” He helps me to my feet. I want to protest, but there’s no way I’m getting there on my own.
Once I’m settled under the covers, he turns to leave the room. I know it’s wrong. I know that, despite Peter’s words, he’s not mine, but I can’t help the words that fall out of my mouth. “Don’t go.”
Lir faces me, eyebrow up, with a curious look on his face.
He’s been my life raft, my rock and I’m just selfish, too broken to have anything to offer him, but I need him. Some part of me calls out to him, craves the comfort he offers and I’m not strong enough to deny it. “I don’t want to be alone right now,” I say.
Without another word, Lir crawls into the bed beside me and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest and the rhythm of his breath sings me to sleep.
My sleep is restful and my dreams, though odd, aren’t frightening at all. I’m back at the cabin I shared with dad and Jace, feet propped up on the table and a book in my hands. Dad is cooking dinner and Jace is making silly faces over the edge of my book, trying to make me laugh. Normal enough scene, well at least years ago it was, but Dad and Jace aren’t quite solid, almost like shadows. I, however, am solid and I’m not the only one. My back rests against Lir.
Lir studies the cabin with wide eyes and then his emerald gaze focuses on me. That eyebrow of his rises and he smiles, a mixture of amusement and amazement on his face. He leans over me and strokes my cheek once before the dream shatters into green and gold and disappears.
* * * * * * *
The morning light slanting through the window wakes me. There’s still a dull pain in my leg, but I feel ten times better, stronger even. I hop out of bed and pause for a moment, waiting for the dizziness, the tiredness, something, but there’s nothing. It’s as if that one night of really good sleep and pleasant dreams restored me. Weird, but good, especially since I want to hit the road today.