I’d known there were tensions between humans and the aliens, but it had never been something I paid attention too. Dad hadn’t raised us that way, though I guess I now know the reason why. Even level-headed Emily didn’t trust Lir, yelled at him, called him ‘it’ like the others. Once again, there’s so much more going on that I’ve been completely oblivious to. What else have I been blind to?
Flint sighs and studies his feet. “Unless, you can talk the erk into bringing me in too, I need you to do this. Jace would never forgive me if I let you walk into that city without some kind of back up plan.” He raises his face, anguish etched into his features. “You know what they’ve been doing to him, you’ve seen it. What if they get their hands on you too? I don’t think you’d come back from something like that, Jax, not again, and we have no idea how much damage they’ve already done to him.”
As I study his features, pain and longing obvious on his face, another thing I’d been too selfish to see becomes clear. “You and Jace, huh?”
Shock crosses his face and he shakes his head frantically and takes a step back. He watches my face for a beat and then his shoulders slump, he sighs and nods. “Nobody else knows. My father would… not be happy.”
“How long have you guys been…together?”
“There’s always been something between us, but we didn’t…act on it until about a year and a half ago.” He meets my eyes. “I love him. I would do anything for him.”
“That makes two of us then.” I smile. “With the two of us on his side, no one can stand in our way.”
He laughs and wipes at his eyes with his sleeve. “So you’ll do it? Give me the device to hold on to?”
“Yes, I trust you. Though I might have to smack my brother around a bit for keeping this from me,” I say, throwing one arm over his shoulders. “You guys could have told me you know.”
Flint brings his other arm around and pulls me into a hug, resting his chin on my head. “Yeah. We were just so used to hiding it and we thought—”
“—you were doing what was best for me.” His chin bobs. “Do me a favor, next time you and Jace decide to do ‘what’s best for me’ without consulting me, smack yourselves upside the head.”
“Will do,” says Flint, chuckling.
NINETEEN
Two hours later, I watch Flint’s form recede into the distance as Lir drives us down Peter’s driveway. Flint and I spent a while in the woods discussing our plan and by the time we got back to Peter and Lir, they had gotten the truck running. Peter was chattering away to Lir in the passenger seat as the alien drove around in a circle. So, by default, Lir will be doing the driving.
Flint raises one hand in a wave, a somber expression on his face. When he lowers his hand, he pats the front pocket of his jacket lightly, the pocket that contains the small metal object from Dane’s desk. The reassurance I get from knowing he’ll do what’s needed is barely enough to edge out the gut-twisting guilt from not telling Lir about any of it. One week and then Flint will come in after me. I only hope I don’t need that time. I return his wave and send a second, happier, wave to Peter.
The silence between Lir and I borders on uneasy. He hasn’t said more than a few words to me since my breakdown in the driveway. Actually, the whole bordering thing isn’t true; It is uneasy. My mind still reels from my stupidity for kissing him and, even more important, the new knowledge of my heritage and potential abilities.
Obviously, the alien part of me can connect with Jace and had connected to him in my dreams. That part sounds similar to the mental communication Lir described to me, but it is the emotion thing that really worries me. Jace used it to control me. Even if he was trying to help, the fact that he did it without my knowledge has nausea brewing in my stomach. How do I tell what thoughts and feelings are mine?
Back at Peter’s, I’d recognized the foreign emotions coming from Lir, but they were strong and almost overwhelming. I can’t pinpoint any other time when I… connected with Lir, but would I have even noticed something more subtle? Jace had managed to use the connection without any training and Lir would be used to it, he would understand it, know how to use it…Pieces fall into place. The calm I get from his touch. The shorter nightmares. The draw I feel toward him. That stupid, impulsive kiss…
I burrow back into my seat, pull my legs up, and tuck them under me. Flint’s words dance in my head, poking at my own doubts and fears. I’ve spent barely over two weeks with Lir. Is that really long enough to know someone, to trust someone? Especially considering we weren’t speaking for a few days and I was out of my mind for another few.
When not sleeping or ill, I’ve been the one doing most of the talking. He’s been a steady, quiet presence, giving very little away. Or has he?
He said he’d heard rumors, but rumors of what exactly? The aliens as far as anyone knows stay in their city. How would the possibility of my heritage, my existence reach their ears? If they knew… that would mean that, as Flint said, they have been here far longer than anyone realized. But why hide that? What isn’t he telling me?
Driving is much quicker than hiking and it’s a little over an hour before we reach the outskirts of the city. The closer we get to the towering buildings in the distance, the more his muscles tense. His shoulders push back and he sits straighter. I can see his hands clenching around the steering wheel and I want to comfort him, reassure him that this is going to be okay, offer him the same comfort he has offered me before. But I don’t know how to bridge this distance forming between us, how to cross over the gaping chasm of my uncertainty and newfound distrust.
The wind has pulled my hair from its braid, so I run my fingers through it and redo the braid, twisting it into a bun on the back of my neck. Waves of tension cross the car and roll into me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and try to focus on keeping my breath steady. He’s doing it again. Has he been doing it all along? I want to ask, but icy trails of my own fear are starting to climb my spine as we draw even nearer to the city.
As my pulse ratchets up, the flow of… whatever it is coming from Lir cuts off abruptly and even more abruptly, the tires move into the gravel on the side of the road as he pulls the truck to a stop.
“What are you doing?”
Lir turns to meet my eyes, a nervous expression on his face. What now? “Before we go in there, there are some things you should know.” My face must do something strange because he is quick to reassure me. “Nothing bad, well, not…” Lir blows a breath out through pursed lips. “There are a lot of things that I haven’t told you.”
“No kidding,” I say dryly. “If we’re getting things out in the open, how about we start with the whole emotion sharing thing or whatever it is because that kinda creeps me out.”
A shocked look crosses his face for a moment and then he nods. “Fair enough.” His teeth press against his lower lip. “The emotional connection is called the dhama. It has various purposes and, although we can use the kitu to link to any within our race to some degree, the dhama develops between those with family ties…or, uh, emotional ties.”
Emotional ties? No time to dwell on that now. There are more pressing questions rushing past my lips. “Does this mean that anyone in the city can get into my head? Can they read my thoughts?”
“No.”
That was a very quick answer. I narrow my eyes. “You seem awfully sure about that.”
He becomes rather fascinated with the seat in front of him and rubs the back of his neck with one hand. “I told you before about the functionality of the kitu as a communication device, so we can communicate mind to mind, but unless you send the thoughts out there, broadcast them, no one else can pick up on them. Well, not without a kiun anyway.”
“What—”
“Not something you need to worry about.”
“That’s not what I was going to ask.” Actually it was, but then a pretty clear image of some sort of fancy headband popped into my head. Wasn’t anything I’ve ever seen, so it had to be from him. Can’t read minds my ass. Or maybe…I can? I squint my eyes and stare at him but nothing happens.