“You could say that. Honestly, I didn’t realize until recently that humans don’t share connections like we do. This shared dreamscape…” He circles his arm around the cabin. “…is the product of a bond. It’s a place for us to regroup, heal, communicate. Really, whatever we decide to use it for.”
“We as in you and me?”
“Yes.” There’s more to that statement, so I just raise my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to continue. “This is our place. Only ours.”
I narrow my eyes.
He lets out a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t think it was possible, not without the kitu, much less when I thought you were fully human. I’m still not sure how it happened.” Green eyes find mine and hold my gaze. “I do know it couldn’t have happened if you hadn’t let me in. I didn’t force this, I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done so.”
“What exactly happened?”
“The emotional link, this place… it means we’re bondmates.”
“And that means…”
Another uncomfortable laugh. “It means we have a special connection. Most bondmates are coupled…”
I inhale sharply.
“But if that’s not what you want, we don’t, you don’t…” He trails off and shakes his head. “I am really messing this up, aren’t I?” He gives me a crooked smile. “I tried to talk to you this morning. I thought it would be good news. You were so agitated and then you kissed me… I felt your confusion, your panic. Not what I was expecting. You had no idea what was happening and then, of course, other things got in the way.”
He runs his hand over his head. “When you had a panic attack in Peter’s driveway, I knew things were not going to go well. I’ve been trying desperately to keep it in check, so you aren’t subjected to things you are unprepared for. I lost control in the truck, because I needed the reassurance. I needed that connection to get me through. I was selfish and I’m sorry for that and pretty much everything that followed. I didn’t take the time to reassure you in a way you understood. I didn’t really stop to think and I sure as hell didn’t consider how what I told you earlier about… the hybridization…would sound before I opened my mouth. Especially after everything else that you’d been through today.”
What to process first? The bond? The apology? My brain can’t seem to focus on either one of those. Instead, it grabs hold of the first question to form and ejects it out of my mouth. “Is this bond thing permanent?”
Lir’s smile falters and he winces as if I hit him. “No. It’s rare, but it can be broken.” He swallows and then closes his eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know. I don’t understand it.” I pull my hands away from him and throw my arms up. “Is this what you want? Why would you want this bond with me? There have got to be more…suitable girls for you, ones your parents approve of or…not broken ones.”
“I can’t say this is an ideal situation, but if I hadn’t wanted it on some level the bond would not have been formed. It doesn’t work that way.”
“How will this even work? You know I can’t stay here right? My plan is still to get Jace and leave. Are you going to come with me?”
He shrugs. “I was hoping I could convince you to stay but I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”
My legs are itching to get up and start pacing and my fingers begin to drum on my knees.
He moves his hands over mine and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Don’t think, just feel.” With two fingers he lifts my chin until I’m looking into his eyes.
A subtle warmth starts in my hands and flows up my arms. I tense up for a moment, but then I close my eyes and float on the sensation, letting it move through my body. Comfort. Peace. Connection.
One of Lir’s hands comes up to cup my cheek and his thumb brushes across my lips. So beautiful. He leans in, his breath brushing across my mouth before he presses his lips down over mine. This kiss is not born from my confusion or from his fear. It’s a careful exploration, a hesitant reverence. His hand moves back to twine in my hair and he darts his tongue along the seam of my mouth. He pulls back and gives me one more light peck before settling back into the couch, his face red.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I wasn’t trying to take advantage.”
“You’re sorry for kissing me?”
The half smile turns almost into a grin and he raises one eyebrow. “Do you want me to be?”
“No. I want you to do it again.”
This time I lean into him, wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him to my mouth. His hand goes back to my cheek and then trails down my arm, igniting the subtle warmth into a steady burn everywhere he touches. Wrapping his other arm around my lower back, he pulls me forward until I swing my legs up onto the couch and over his lap. His heart pounds against my other hand, now resting on his chest. A sound somewhere between a plea and a groan rumbles in his throat when I nip at his lower lip.
Images begin to flash through my head as his lips work against mine: Me in the forest. Me in Emily’s dress. Me swimming across a pond. My leaning close while hair clippings float down in front of my face. The sound of my laugh. The humor of my scowl.
I pull back and wait for Lir to open his eyes. When he does, they’re like molten jewels, swirling with green gold fire. He leans forward to reclaim my mouth, but I put the tops of the fingers on my right hand over his lips and shake my head. “It was you. The entire time. How?”
“The entire time? How long have you been getting images from me?” The words are muffled by my fingers, but he doesn’t back away. He presses little kisses to my knuckles and the palm of my hand.
“Since the first night in the woods,” I say.
“I’ve never heard of anything like that happening.” He stares at me in wonder. “That means… you’re probably linking to Stella, not just broadcasting. That connection might be enough to save her.”
“Save her?”
“You didn’t really let me finish explaining things earlier. The children born here, like Stella, cannot survive outside the dome. None of us could without the kitus.” His eyes widen. Cool excitement starts to splash out from him. “But you can and you linked to me, bonded with me even without a functional kitu.”
“Because I’m half human.” But that also means… “You would have died out there if you hadn’t been with me. They disabled your kitu before they left. Did they know that you’d be as good as dead? Were they trying to kill you?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but that would be a logical conclusion.”
“But then you had to have known… something…when you weren’t dying. You said you had no idea what I was.”
“I didn’t.” He grabs my hands again. “At first I just thought it was taking me a very long time to die. I didn’t understand why and I really didn’t care. I let myself get close to you even though I knew it was a bad idea. And then you were bitten by that snake… I never sat around asking myself ‘hey why aren’t you dead yet’ but when the delirium hit you, I felt something. I knew somehow that you were different, that it was you keeping me alive and me helping you fight the infection. I didn’t really understand all the implications of that until your friend explained what he knew about your heritage.”
“So I am just an experiment then?” I yank my hands away and stand. “I wasn’t wrong. They’re… you’re… never going to let me and Jace leave, not when we can do this thing that none of you can do. Not when you can use us. They’ve obviously already been experimenting or something on my brother.” Agitation rises in my stomach and crawls up my throat. “What Flint said… I’m not even functional. I don’t know how to use this link thing and I’m unstable with my own emotions, much less anyone else’s.”
“Work with me, with us. We’re meeting with the Council tomorrow. We just have to show them we have nothing to hide.”
“But I do have stuff to hide, Lir. Where is Jace? If your return has caught everyone’s attention, then wouldn’t they already know about Jace’s arrival?” My feet carry me back and forth in front of the couch.