Bright light screams into my head and I close my eyes, trying to shut it out. But it’s not really there and closing my eyes does not bring any welcome darkness. The light sharpens, burning across my brain and shooting pain through my entire body. When it darkens, I start to breathe out in relief, but almost as quickly it pulses brighter, even more painful than before. I hold out against the pain, biting my tongue and willing it away. On the third pulse, the brightest yet, I can’t hold back my screams anymore.
I lose count after the fourth pulse and am almost thankful for the restraints as they keep me from clawing my eyes out. The room fades back into place and I have tears running down my face. The alien still stands observing me and I turn to him. My voice, hoarse from screaming who knows how long, doesn’t even sound like me.
“Please.” It’s the only word I can say.
He steps forward and hope rises in my chest. His hands pull my eyelids back and he shines a small flashlight into them. When he reaches for my wrist, my hope dies a slow death. There’s no pity— no humanity— in his face, he’s just taking my vital signs. My stomach drops when he steps back from the bed and nods to the mirror again. I don’t bother trying to hold anything back and start screaming immediately this time.
Each pulse of light smashes against the narrow pathway of the link like a hammer. Each clang of the blunt tool they’re using to smash their way into my mind reverberates through my entire body, brewing and churning with heat. The light is too hot for my fear, but my anger thrives on it, growing and expanding until my veins are filled with molten lava. There’s no outlet for it though, so I burn from the inside out.
Ages later the pounding in my head stops and my eyes struggle to readjust to the room, the normal illumination seeming closer to darkness to my overstimulated brain. My face is wet, not just tears either, though those do drip down my temples and into my hair and ears. There’s a warmer liquid trailing out of my nose— and my ears— thicker and coppery as swiping my tongue over my upper lip determines. Blood then.
I’m alone again, silence surrounding me like a blanket. Exhaustion settles into my limbs and I can’t even bring myself to turn my head when the door slides open again. What does it matter? I’m never getting out of here.
“I see you fight the kiun just like your brother,” says a voice that skitters down my spine and settles into my stomach. Vitrad. His face appears in my vision, leaning over me with a cold smile. It takes all my effort to make sense of his words. “Resisting it has not done him any good.”
Words scrape past my dry throat. “Hasn’t done you much good either I imagine.” There’s some fight left in me after all, if only in reaction to his cold, satisfied smirk.
He snorts. “I suppose you are correct, but this process will go so much smoother if you would only cooperate.”
“And what would my cooperation get me?”
“Your life.”
“A life as a lab rat? No thanks, I’ll pass.”
“I am certain I can think of something to entice you. Until then, please enjoy you accommodations Miss Mitchell. I shall see you again soon.” The brisk click of his boots echoes around the room. As the door begins to slide shut behind him, he leaves me with an even worse thought than the return of the kiun. “I certainly hope you are not depending on your bondmate to save you.”
Vitrad knows about the bond. How? Was it Lir or Stellan? An attempt to save me or to condemn me? Lir made an agreement with Vitrad. What could he have possibly agreed to? Does it even matter now that it resulted in me being strapped down in this room of nightmares?
A sound works its way up my throat. It starts as a puff of air and evolves into a chuckle. Not really a funny situation, but something has to come out, slide past that pressure valve in my brain, and I’m about screamed out. The burning anger has steeped and brewed into something else and every pulse of light just drove it deeper, slicing into my very core until a dark hatred has started congealing deep inside me.
Sometime later, I find a restless sleep.
* * * * * * *
The nightmares are back. Held at bay for too long, they’re even worse than before. What was scattered images has become a reenactment in which I am both observer and participant. My body flows through the same motions as it did that day…
Water sloshes against the edges of the laundry tub and wets my bare legs. With a huff, I turn off the pump and toss the pile of clothes into the water. I add soap and scrub a shirt against the washboard.
“Hello there, pretty thing.” The raspy voice of a man in his forties.
I grimace at the stench of his body odor as he leans closer and his bloodshot eyes travel up and down my bent legs with twisted desire.
The other man is younger, maybe early twenties, and his clothes are cleaner and he’s not really looking at me. I focus my attention on him.
“Hello,” I say. “Are you looking for someone? Just passing through? Do you need some food?”
The now wiser part of my brain, knowing what’s coming, screams at my body. But it doesn’t listen. It’s an odd feeling to be stuck inside a dream, mind frozen in fear while your body acts out your greatest horror.
“There’s something we need al’rght,” slurs the older guy, taking another step toward me until he’s only inches away.
I take a step back, away from his reaching hand and toward the younger man. “I can give you a meal. That’s all I have to offer.”
That was my biggest mistake, thinking that youth and hygiene meant that man was somehow safer.
A calloused hand grips my bicep. “Oh no, little girl. There is so much more you have to offer.” His fingers dig in, hard enough to bruise.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
Jace!
That day I didn’t scream for my brother’s help for the first time until much later. But thankfully this is just a dream and my call is answered.
“Jax!” Warm, strong arms wrap around my huddled form, the voice familiar and welcome. “What are you doing here?”
I slowly open my eyes. The men are gone, their images scattered and sent back where they belong. Far, far away from me.
When I meet Jace’s eyes, a sob rips out of my chest. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in the side of his neck.
Small soothing noises rumble in his chest as he rubs one hand in small circles on my back. “It will be okay.” A subtle warmth washes over me, comfort lapping at the edges of my frayed emotions and I relax into it.
Then my breath catches in my throat and I pull away. “You’re doing it. The emotion thing.”
His eyes widen and he averts his gaze. “You know then.”
I smack his shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why hide it from me?”
“I wasn’t even sure that I was doing anything for a while. It just seemed to help you when I was nearby. Then there was one time with Flint and—”
“With Flint? I thought it was an E’rikon thing. It works with humans too?”
“Of course it works with humans.” His brow furrows and then I can almost see the realization hit him. “Wait a second. Too? Who the hell have you been spending time with that…isn’t human?”
“How do you think I got here? Just waltzed up to the dome and said please?”
Jace’s body goes rigid. “You’re here, actually here. In the city.”
“Yes.”
He stands and runs one hand down his face. “For God’s sake, Jax, why?” His hands shake as he takes two steps back and his expression morphs into utter despair. “Why?” He repeats in a whisper so soft I can hardly hear it and then my brother, my rock, the strong one collapses to his knees with his head in his hands. And all I can do is sit there with my mouth open and watch him fall apart. Finally, a deep breath shudders through him and he raises his head to look at me. “You shouldn’t have come.”