"How could you even ask that?" The woman brought the baby over for Baldy Li to take a look. Still bawling, she said, "Just look, he has your eyebrows, and your eyes, your nose, your mouth, your forehead, your chin…"
Baldy Li glanced at the baby and decided that, other than looking like a baby, it really didn't look like anyone in particular. The woman then pulled down its diaper, saying, "Even his penis looks just like yours."
Baldy Li was furious that this woman would have the gall to speak of his enormous member and this baby's tiny, soybean-size penis in the same breath. As he howled in fury several of his assistants helped usher the hysterical woman out the door.
This young woman then started demonstrating outside the main gate of Baldy Li's company headquarters. Every day she would sit there, holding her baby, sobbing as she told everyone who would listen how Baldy Li's sense of compassion had been snatched by a dog, eaten by a wolf, chewed by a tiger, and shat out by a lion. Several days later, another woman arrived with a baby, claiming that it was Baldy Li's daughter. She tearfully recounted how Baldy Li had tricked her into bed and had gotten her pregnant. Crying even more tragically than the first, she sobbed that when she gave birth, Baldy Li didn't even come to see her. Then a third woman arrived, with a four- or five-year-old boy in tow. She was calmer than the previous two and didn't cry as she sternly accused Baldy Li of going back on his word — claiming that it was only after he had sworn they would marry and live happily ever after that she had agreed to go to bed with him. She pointed to her son and said that, based on his age, he would be Baldy Li's firstborn and heir. As soon as she finished, a fourth woman appeared with a seven- or eight-year-old boy and insisted that her son was Baldy Li's firstborn and rightful heir.
Women claiming to have slept with Baldy Li kept arriving with their children, until finally there were more than thirty of them, all crowded into the street in front of Baldy Li's company headquarters. Day in and day out, they would cry and complain about Baldy Li's philandering. They chattered noisily amongst themselves, transforming the street in front of Baldy Li's headquarters into a small marketplace. They would get into spectacular fights jockeying for position, spitting and pulling one another's hair, scratching one another's faces, and clawing at one another's clothes. From dawn till dusk, the street was full of women's curses and babies’ cries.
There were so many women protesting outside that Baldy Li's employees couldn't make it in to work, and enormous traffic jams developed in the street outside his headquarters. The director of the local branch of China's Women's Federation and all her underlings appeared in full force to exhort the women to go home and trust that the government would work out an equitable solution to their disputes with Badly Li. The women, however, adamantly refused to budge and instead entreated the federation director to have the Women's Federation come and force Baldy Li to marry them. The director didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this, reminding them that the law only permitted a man to have a single wife and therefore there was no way for Baldy Li to marry them all.
The county's director of transportation called up Baldy Li and said that the county's most important street had been completely blocked for more than a month, and as a result the county's economy had taken a huge hit. County Governor Tao Qing also called him up, saying that Baldy Li was now the most influential person in the county and that if this matter was not resolved satisfactorily, not only would it be a blow to Baldy Li's image but, furthermore, the entire county's reputation would be severely impacted. Baldy Li chuckled on the other end of the line and said to just let them continue demonstrating. Tao Qing argued that already more than thirty women were demonstrating, and if they didn't act now, there soon could be even more. Baldy Li replied, "The more the better. As they say, the more fleas you have, the less you are afraid of being bitten."
Among the protestors were some who had indeed slept with Baldy Li, some who knew him but hadn't slept with him, and others who had never even met him. Among the women who had slept with him were some who genuinely believed that he was the father of their children, and they were naturally bolder than the others. They discussed matters among themselves and decided that, rather than being tired, thirsty, and hungry demonstrating outside all day, they might as well take Baldy Li to court.
Once Baldy Li was named as a defendant, a vast crowd congregated inside and outside the courthouse. He appeared in court wearing a suit and patent-leather shoes, with a little red flower pinned to his lapel, since he was just coming from the opening ceremony of one of his new companies. Beaming like a groom, he made his way through the crowds into the courthouse and then proceeded to the defendants seat as though he were about to present a report. He sat in court listening to the women testify, as attentive as a child listening to a story. When they tearfully described their beautiful experiences with him, he blushed and repeatedly asked in astonishment, "Really? Was it really like that?"
After about two hours he began to grow weary. The testimony was becoming increasingly repetitious, and the majority of the women hadn't even testified yet. Baldy Li decided that he had had enough and requested permission to speak. After the judge acknowledged him, Baldy Li reached into his breast pocket and very carefully pulled out his trump card: the hospital record of his vasectomy from more than a decade earlier.
He handed the vasectomy report to the judge, who read it and then proceeded to laugh uncontrollably for more than two full minutes. Finally regaining his composure, he announced that Baldy Li was innocent, explaining that Baldy Li had had a vasectomy more than a decade earlier and therefore could not possibly have fathered any of these children. Everyone in the courthouse fell into stunned silence, but after a few minutes they exploded into laughter as well. The thirty original plaintiffs stood there in shock, looking at one another with expressions of astonishment. When the judge informed Baldy Li that he could countersue the women for slander and fraud, a dozen or so of them turned pale, a couple fainted, four burst into tears, and three tried to sneak out but were promptly nabbed by the crowds and brought back. Meanwhile, the women who had actually slept with Baldy Li declared that they would challenge the judge s decision and would continue to press their cases on the ground that, even if Baldy Li hadn't fathered their children, he had still slept with them and destroyed their hymens, which were more valuable to them than life itself. If they didn't succeed in the city's middle court, they would appeal to the upper court. If they still didn't prevail, they would appeal all the way to the Supreme Court in Beijing. If they didn't succeed there, they would take their case all the way to the World Court in The Hague.
The crowds retorted, "If you sue Baldy Li for having slept with you, Baldy Li could also sue you for having slept with him. If you want him to compensate you for your lost hymens, he could demand that you compensate him for his lost virginity."
The courtroom became as cacophonous as a chicken farm, with the crowds siding with Baldy Li and taunting the female swindlers, asking the judge to arrest the lot of them. No matter how hard the judge pounded his gavel and how loudly he shouted for order, it was of no use. It was only after Baldy Li got up and bowed respectfully to the crowd that they finally began to calm down. He said, "Fellow townspeople, thank you, thank you…"
Baldy Li emotionally dabbed at his eyes and then continued, "The fact that I have my current career is due entirely to your support. Today I want to speak to you from my heart. It is true that I, Baldy Li, have slept with a great number of women, but the truth of the matter is that I am actually quite miserable, insofar as I've never come across a single hymen in all these years."