In this way, the charlatan Wandering Zhou succeeded in captivating the entire town. Everyone crowded around, gazing up at him admiringly and hanging on his every word, not dispersing until one in the morning. Executive Assistant to the CEO Poet Zhao followed Boss Zhou out of the air-conditioned snack shop and laid down his straw mat for the two of them in the muggy street. The thirty-something Missy Su, who had never been in love before, was now thoroughly captivated by Wandering Zhou. Seeing him and Poet Zhao lying down outside, she hesitantly walked over with a lit mosquito coil. Mosquitoes had also attacked Wandering Zhou the night before, leaving his face covered in so-called acne pimples. Missy Su placed the mosquito coil next to him, saying bashfully, "This was for the shop, but now that we have air-conditioning we don't need it anymore. You can use it."
Wandering Zhou stood up and politely gave his thanks. Missy Su gazed adoringly at him, then said to Poet Zhao, "Actually, it would be better if the two of you slept in the shop. There's air-conditioning, and no mosquitoes."
Poet Zhao was about to agree when Wandering Zhou politely declined, saying, "No need. This is far more comfortable than the Arabian desert or the Amazonian rain forest."
CHAPTER 62
WANDERING ZHOU enjoyed three days of free buns at Missy Sus snack shop. The day before the Virgin Beauty Competition formally began, however, this charlatan knew it was time for him to take over the reins of the operation. Taking advantage of Lin Hongs being at work, Zhou set up in Song Gang s apartment and spent two hours instructing Poet Zhao and Song Gang on how to sell his artificial hymens. Wandering Zhou was very disappointed to hear that Poet Zhao was unmarried and asked if at least he had a girlfriend. Poet Zhao first shook his head but then nodded. "I don't have a real-life girlfriend, but I do have many fantasy ones."
"Fantasy girlfriends?" Wandering Zhou shook his head. "We are selling real hymens, not fantasy ones. For that, you need a real girlfriend to serve as your talking point."
Wandering Zhou surveyed Song Gang, however, with a look of satisfaction. He remarked that Song Gangs wife, Lin Hong, was very beautiful and that he had heard she was once a well-known Liu Town beauty and something of a celebrity. Zhou then became very animated, exclaiming that they should definitely exploit this celebrity angle. He instructed Song Gang to stand on the side of the road and recount his own experiences, describing the various good, excellent, and truly miraculous aspects of Lin Hongs use of an artificial hymen. This was the first time Song Gang had heard Lin Hong talked about in this way, and he blushed bright red. He protested, "But Lin Hong hasn't ever used an artificial hymen."
"As long as you say that she's used one, then she has," Poet Zhao said. "Everyone will take you at your word."
Wandering Zhou nodded his approval and said to Song Gang, "Executive Assistant Zhao is absolutely right."
Song Gang shook his head. "I can't say that."
Poet Zhao said anxiously, "Boss Zhou pays you one hundred yuan a day, but you aren't willing to say one simple thing."
"I'm willing to say anything else, but I can't say that." Song Gang continued shaking his head.
Poet Zhao wanted to go on, but Wandering Zhou gestured for him to be quiet. Zhou thought for a moment, then suggested to Song Gang, "How about this? You don't need to say anything, just let Executive Assistant Zhao do the talking. All you need to do is stand next to him. You don't even need to nod; I just ask that you not shake your head."
Song Gang thought to himself that if he didn't need to speak or nod, then he could rest easy. Wandering Zhou had Poet Zhao and Song Gang scurry behind him like servants, each carrying one of his cardboard boxes. Song Gang's box even had a stool perched on top. Wandering Zhou, meanwhile, sauntered in front empty-handed.
The three of them reached the middle of the street that was to be used for the competition. Wandering Zhou stood on the stool and instructed Poet Zhao and Song Gang to open the two boxes and take out the two brands of imported and domestic artificial hymens. A crowd of virgin beauties and other onlookers gathered around, buzzing about like the mosquitoes that had swarmed around Wandering Zhou and Poet Zhao the night before. Wandering Zhou first took the imported Joan of Arc hymens, lifting them high above his head and shouting, "These are imported Joan of Arc artificial hymens, selling for three hundred yuan each. If you go to the hospital to have hymen-recon surgery, it will cost you three thousand yuan. At the hospital, furthermore, three thousand yuan will only allow you to be a virgin once, but if you buy my Joan of Arc hymens, for three thousand yuan you can be a virgin ten times over."
Wandering Zhou then explained how the hymens were to be used, illustrating the process with pantomime: "First, wash your hands well and dry them." He mimed washing and drying his hands. "Then take a hymen out of its vacuum-sealed aluminum-foil package and roll it up into a tight ball. Second, take this roll and place it in the deepest point of the vagina." He inserted his hand into his pants. "This should be done very quickly in order to prevent the hymen from sticking to your hands and being pulled back out." He immediately pulled his hand back out of his pants as though he had been burned. "Third, after the hymen has been in place for three to five minutes, you can engage in intercourse." This time he didn't perform the relevant action. "Fourth, after intercourse, you can go to the restroom and clean the bloody mucus from your genitals." He placed his hand in his pants and made scrubbing gestures. "When you begin intercourse, the woman should adjust her position as appropriate" — he twisted his own body—"in order to make it difficult for the man to enter her, and also should exhibit signs of pain to complement the rupture of the artificial hymen" — he furrowed his brows and adopted an agonized expression—"and if you add painful moans and a bashful expression" — he didn't moan, but he did offer a bashful look—"the effect will be even more realistic."
As the virgin beauties and other onlookers shouted in approval Wandering Zhou began to introduce his domestic hymens, saying, "These are my domestic Lady Meng Jiang hymens, which sell for one hundred yuan apiece. For the price of a single hymen-recon surgery in the hospital, you can be a virgin thirty times over."
Someone in the crowd shouted, "Why don't you demonstrate one for us?"
Wandering Zhou laughed and asked, "Is there a female comrade who would be willing to demonstrate for everyone?"
The virgin beauties and other onlookers erupted in laughter. The original questioner suggested, "Why don't you hold it in one hand and use a finger to pierce it?"
The crowd shouted their agreement, and Wandering Zhou laughed and said, "This costs one hundred yuan. There are more than one hundred of you, so if everyone contributes one yuan, I can demonstrate it for you."
Everyone took out one yuan, and Poet Zhao and Song Gang worked up heads full of sweat running back and forth until they had finally collected one hundred one-yuan bills. Wandering Zhou then began the demonstration, opening one of the Lady Meng Jiang brand boxes and removing an artificial hymen wrapped in aluminum foil. After ripping open the wrapper, he held the artificial hymen in his left hand and then tried to pierce it with his right index finger. The first time he failed to pierce it completely, and the second time he didn't pierce it either. The virgin beauties and other onlookers all laughed, and a man in the crowd shouted, "Is this an old virgin?"