When the bus pulled into the Liu Town depot, Li Lan, carrying her gray travel bag with SHANGHAI printed on the side, was the last to emerge. She followed behind the crowds, her limbs feeling as heavy as lead. Every step took her closer to bad news. When she dragged herself outside of the station, only to be greeted by two wailing boys who were as filthy as if they had been fished from a garbage dump, Li Lan knew that her terrible premonitions had proven true. Her eyes grew dark, and she dropped the travel bag to the ground. The two filthy boys were Baldy Li and Song Gang, and they were wailing, "Papa's dead!"
CHAPTER 19
LI LAN stood motionless as Baldy Li and Song Gang wailed over and over again, "Papas dead!" She stood planted on the spot, as if her soul had left her body. In this moment of brilliant noon sunshine, she could see only darkness. It was as if she suddenly became both blind and deaf. Li Lan stood there, rigid and corpselike, for more than ten minutes before everything finally came back into focus and she could again make out the two boys crying and wailing in front of her. She could now clearly see the bus depot, the men and women walking by, and Baldy Li and Song Gang. The boys’ faces were covered in snot and tears, and they tugged at her clothes, crying, "Papas dead."
Li Lan nodded her head lightly. "I know."
She looked down at her travel bag. When she bent to pick it up, she suddenly keeled over, bringing down with her Baldy Li and Song Gang. She helped the boys up and got up herself by leaning on the bag, but when she bent down once again to pick it up, her legs again gave out from under her and she knelt down on the ground, trembling all over. Baldy Li and Song Gang watched her, terrified, and reached down to nudge her, calling out over and over again, "Mama, Mama …"
Li Lan got up by leaning on the boys’ shoulders. She let out a long sigh, then picked up her travel bag and stumbled forward. The noon sun was making her dizzy, making her wobble unsteadily. The empty lot in front of the bus depot was still streaked with Song Fanping's blood, and a few dozen dead flies dotted the blood-darkened earth. Song Gang pointed at the blood and told Li Lan, "This is where Papa died."
The children had stopped weeping, but when Song Gang said this, he again burst into tears, and Baldy Li couldn't help but cry as well. Li Lan's travel bag again dropped to the ground. She looked down at the blood that had already turned dark, then looked around, and finally looked at the two boys, her gaze blurring as her eyes filled with tears. She knelt down, opened her bag, and took out a piece of clothing to spread on the ground. Then she carefully brushed off the flies and scooped up the dark crimson dirt into the shirt, kneeling there until she had gathered every last speck of dirt that had been stained by the blood. Even then she continued to kneel, sifting the dirt through her fingers as if she were searching for gold, still looking for the last traces of Song Fanpings blood.
She knelt there for a very long time. A large crowd gathered around, watching and discussing her. Some knew her and others did not; some of them spoke of Song Fanping, about how he had been beaten to death. The details they mentioned were ones Baldy Li and Song Gang had not known about: how the men smashed wooden bats over Song Fanpings head and kicked him in the chest, and how they stabbed his abdomen with the splintered bats. With every sentence Baldy Li and Song Gang shrieked and wept. Li Lan heard too, and her body shuddered with each new revelation. She raised her head a few times, but each time she glimpsed those who were speaking, she would lower her head again and continue gathering up Song Fanpings traces. Finally Mama Su walked over from her snack shop to scold the bystanders, saying, "Stop talking! How can you talk about these things in front of his wife and kids? And you call yourself human!"
Then she turned to Li Lan. "Why don't you take the kids home?"
Li Lan nodded. She knotted the shirt filled with dark crimson earth and placed it in her bag. It was already afternoon. Li Lan walked ahead with her heavy travel bag, and Baldy Li and Song Gang walked hand in hand behind her. The boys saw that her shoulder sloped from the weight.
All the way home Li Lan did not weep or wail but only stumbled forward. She paused to rest a few times, due to the weight of her bag, whereupon she would look back on the two boys without saying a word. They no longer wept or spoke. When an acquaintance called out her name, she would only nod her head slightly.
Li Lan walked silently back to her home. As she entered, the sight of Song Fanpings badly mutilated body on their bed caused her to keel over, but she immediately got back up. She still didn't cry but only stood shaking her head. She reached out to gently touch Song Fan-ping's face but then pulled her hand away in a panic, as if worried that she was hurting him. Her hand hung in the air for a moment before she started to comb a few dead flies out of his matted hair. With her right hand she slowly removed all the dead flies from Song Fanpings corpse and placed them in the palm of her left. All afternoon Li Lan stood by the bed, picking flies from the body. Several neighbors looked in from the window, and a couple of them came in to speak with her. Li Lan remained silent, only nodding or shaking her head in response to their questions. After they left, she closed the windows and door, and it wasn't until nightfall, when she was satisfied that there were no more flies on Song Fanpings body, that she finally sat down on the bed and looked out at the reflection of the sunset on their window.
Baldy Li and Song Gang had not eaten anything all day. They stood by Li Lan sobbing, but it was a very long time before Li Lan realized they were there. She turned to them and said in a low voice, "Don't cry. Don't let others hear us cry."
The boys immediately covered their mouths. Baldy Li added timidly, "We are hungry."
As if suddenly waking from a dream, Li Lan gave them money and grain coupons and told them to go buy themselves something to eat. When the boys left, they saw that she was once again sitting dully by the bed. They bought three buns, and Baldy Li and Song Gang ate theirs as they walked home. They found Li Lan still sitting on the edge of the bed, and when they handed her the third bun, she merely stared at it and asked distractedly, "What is this?"
Baldy Li and Song Gang replied, "A bun."
Li Lan nodded, appearing to understand, and then took a bite out of the bun and slowly chewed. Baldy Li and Song Gang watched her until she finished the bun. Then she said, "Let's go to sleep."
That night, as the boys lay dreaming, they sensed that someone kept walking in and out of the house, and they could also make out the sounds of pouring water. It was Li Lan, going again and again to draw water from the well. She carefully cleaned Song Fanpings corpse and changed him into clean clothes. The children did not know how the small, frail Li Lan managed to change the clothes on Song Fanpings massive body, or whether she got any sleep. The next day, after Li Lan left, Baldy Li and Song Gang discovered that Song Fanping was as neat and tidy as a groom. Even the sheets beneath him had been changed, though his scrubbed face was a mass of green and purple blotches.