Completely spent, he shook his head. "I don't know."
"This is called ‘smoking through your asshole.'" The red-armbander threw him a kick for emphasis. "Will you remember that?"
His head lowered, he responded, "I will remember ‘smoking through your asshole.'"
Sun Wei's father was tortured continuously. His legs became swollen, continued to ooze pus, and began to smell increasingly foul. Every time he defecated he was in unbearable agony. He didn't dare wipe himself, since each wipe brought on searing pain. As his feces stuck to his burnt flesh, his anus started to rot. The man was rotting all over, and he was in pain when he stood, when he sat, when he lay down, when he moved, even when he remained motionless.
He was in a state worse than death, and each day brought new tortures. Only deep in the night did he have a moment of peace. As he lay in bed, racked with pain, the only part of him that didn't hurt was his thoughts. He thought over and over again of his son and wife and kept wondering where his son had been buried. He imagined over and over a beautiful landscape of green hills and lakes, and he imagined his son buried somewhere amid this landscape. At times he felt that this beautiful place seemed very familiar; at other times he didn't recognize it at all. Then he would dwell obsessively on how his wife was doing. He imagined her heartbreak at losing their son, thinking of how she would have lost a lot of weight and would be staying at home all day, waiting for his return.
Every day he thought of suicide, and only by thinking constantly of his son and his helpless wife did he manage to survive each new day's torture. He imagined his wife walking to the front gate of the warehouse every day, hoping to see him; so whenever he heard the warehouse gate open, he would anxiously glance outside. Finally he couldn't bear it any longer and knelt down, kowtowing and begging a red-armbander to let his wife see him if she came by. That was when he learned that his wife had gone mad and had been wandering the streets without a stitch of clothing.
The red-armbander cackled and called over a few others. They told him that his wife had long since lost her mind. They stood in front of him, taunting him with a description of his wife's body, saying that she had huge tits but too bad they were droopy, and that she had a thick bush but too bad it was so filthy, with pieces of hay sticking to it…
Sun Wei's father fell to the ground motionless, so heartbroken that he could no longer cry. When night fell and he lay on his bed, racked with pain, he realized that now it even hurt to think. It was as if there were a meat grinder inside his head, grinding his brain into bits. Around two o'clock that morning he had a moment of clarity. This is when he made up his mind to take his life, and the decision instantly cleared the pain in his head, making him completely lucid. He recalled that there was a long iron nail under the bed. About a month earlier he had his first thought of suicide when he discovered this nail, and now his final thought of suicide returned to it. Getting out of bed, he knelt on the ground and searched for a long time until he found it again. Using his shoulders to lift the bed frame, he pulled out one of the bricks propping up the bed and then sat down by the wall. At this moment he no longer felt any of his pains and bruises, as if he had already left them behind. Breathing in deeply twice, he held the nail with his left hand and pointed it down on his skull. With his right hand he raised the brick and thought of his dead son. Smiling, he said softly, "I'm coming."
As his right hand smashed the brick down on the nail, it seemed as if the nail drilled into his skull, but he could still think clearly. He raised his right hand to smash it down a second time. He thought of his wife, who had gone mad, and the thought of how she was now going to be all alone made him weep. Softly he said, "I'm sorry."
The second time he smashed down, the nail drilled farther and seemed to reach his brain. His mind was still active, and his last thought was of the vicious armband-wearing bullies. Suddenly he was filled with hatred and anger, and his eyes bulged as he conjured up those red-armbanders in the dark of the night. Crazily he bellowed, "I'm going to kill you all!"
With all the life that was left in him, he smashed the big metal nail straight into his brain. This time it went in completely, and the brick smashed into smithereens.
Sun Wei's father's final angry roar frightened everyone in the warehouse out of their sleep. Even the red-armbanders were terrified. When they turned on the light, they saw Sun Wei's father slumped against the wall, his eyes staring straight and motionless, and the ground covered with broken shards of brick. At first no one realized that he had killed himself. They didn't know why he was sitting there, and a red-armbander even began to scold him, "Fuck! Get up! Fuck— look how he's staring."
When the red-armbander walked over to kick him, Sun Wei's father's body slid down the wall. Startled, the red-armbander jumped back a few steps and told two other prisoners to go take a look. The two men walked over and squatted near the body. They looked him over and saw all his bruises and wounds but couldn't figure out how he had died. The two men then righted him, and when they lifted him up, they saw that the top of his head was covered in fresh blood. They examined it more closely, feeling around until they finally figured it out: "There's an iron nail here. He drove a nail into his skull."
The unimaginable manner in which Sun Wei's father killed himself rapidly spread throughout Liu Town. When the news reached Li Lan, she was at home — she heard the neighbors talking about it, standing outside her window. Everyone expressed amazement and incredulity: How was it possible to smash a two-inch-long nail into your own skull? They talked about how the nail had been thoroughly embedded in his skull, as if he were making a cabinet, to the point that you couldn't even feel the end of the nail on his scalp. They asked with shuddering voices, "How could he do it? It would be nearly impossible to smash such a nail into someone else's skull, let alone your own." Li Lan listened at the window, and after they walked off, she turned back into the room and smiled sadly to herself. "If a person is determined to die, he'll find a way."
CHAPTER 23
THE STREETS of Liu Town descended into chaos. Almost every day there were beatings among the revolutionary masses. Baldy Li didn't understand why these men, who all wore the same red armbands and waved the same red flags, were beating one another up with fists, flagpoles, and wooden bats, tearing at one another like wild beasts. One time Baldy Li saw them wielding kitchen cleavers and axes, until the electrical poles, the wutong trees, the walls, and the streets were all splattered with their blood.
Li Lan no longer let Baldy Li leave the house, even sealing the window shut so that he wouldn't be able to sneak out. When she left for the silk factory in the morning she would lock him in the house, and the door would remain shut until she returned home in the evening. Thus began Baldy Li's truly solitary childhood. From daybreak to nightfall, his world consisted of two rooms, and so he began his all-out war against the ants and the cockroaches. He would often crouch under the bed with a bowl in his hand and wait for the ants to emerge; when they did, he would first splash them with water and then smush them to death one by one. Once a fat mouse scurried right past his face, and that terrified him so much that he no longer crawled under the bed. Later he began to attack the cockroaches in the armoire, locking himself inside with them in order to trap them. By the light seeping in through a crack in the door, he would chase them and crush them with his shoe. Once he fell asleep inside the armoire and was still dreaming happily when Li Lan got home. Poor Li Lan was so panicked that she hollered for him all over the house and even dashed outside to look down the alley. When he finally emerged, she collapsed to the floor, her face pale and one hand clutching her chest, unable to speak a word.