Tears welled up in Baldy Li's eyes and he exclaimed, "The roar of the masses is so powerful."
Lin Hong, approaching with her head bowed, stopped in her tracks, petrified with fear, and looked up at the crowd. Then she turned around and started walking back inside. As soon as Lin Hong turned to leave, one of the three idiots, who up to that point had been obediently covering his mouth, unexpectedly caught a glimpse of her beauty as she lifted her head. He immediately lost control of himself, pushed the idiot standing in front of him aside, and ran in pursuit of Lin Hong with both arms extended. Drooling madly, he kept repeating, "Missy, hug me, please hug me…"
The crowd murmured in surprise, then exploded into a boom of laughter like an airplane taking off. Baldy Li had not expected that he would have to deal with a love-crazed idiot. Cursing to himself, he rushed forward and grabbed the idiot, roaring under his breath, "Get the fuck back here, you crazy idiot."
The love-crazed idiot struggled to free himself from Baldy Li's grasp and continued to pursue Lin Hong, still shouting, "Missy, a hug …"
Baldy Li rushed forward and grabbed him again, then quietly reasoned with him: "Lin Hong can't hug you because she wants to hug me. If she hugs me, she will be a first lady, but if she hugs you, she will be an idiot lady."
With Baldy Li grabbing him, the love-crazed idiot found himself unable to continue pursuing Lin Hong. He became very angry and proceeded to punch Baldy Li in his left eye so hard that he cried out in pain. Baldy Li seized the idiots clothing from behind and gestured to his thirteen other minions, commanding, "Quick, take him away."
The idiot couldn't understand why he was now suddenly unable to pursue Lin Hong. He began to flail his arms madly like a drowning man. The thirteen loyal minions all rushed forward, the five deaf men in front, the remaining three idiots following confusedly behind, and the two cripples hobbling after them; even the four blind men realized that something had happened and were approaching slowly, tapping their canes. Baldy Li's five deaf and two crippled loyal minions helped wrestle the love-crazed idiot to the ground. The two noninfatuated idiot minions stood to the side laughing idiotically, and the four blind loyal minions stood in a row like four workers on a picket line, rhythmically tapping their canes on the ground. When the infatuated idiot found himself on the ground, he screamed like a pig at the slaughterhouse, "Missy, a hug …"
Baldy Li's attempt to court Lin Hong by the stratagem of laying siege at the outskirts of the city therefore had to conclude in a hurry. Covering his left eye with one hand, Baldy Li gestured for his thirteen loyal minions to drag the infatuated idiot back to the Good Works Factory. As before, the two cripples led the way, followed by the five deaf men and two idiots dragging their love-crazed counterpart, with the four blind men following closely behind. Even as he was being dragged away, the infatuated idiot continued to cry out "Missy" and "hug me." The five deaf men had to continuously wipe his spittle from their faces, as did the other two idiots. The two idiots, not entirely clear where the spittle was coming from, lifted their heads and looked curiously at the sky, unable to understand why their faces were so wet.
The people of Liu all discussed these events avidly and agreed that the most interesting part of this afternoon's proceedings was not Baldy Li and Lin Hong but, rather, Baldy Li and that infatuated idiot, especially when the idiot punched Baldy Li, leaving him with a black eye the size of an apple. Everyone laughed uproariously at this and chattered nonstop about how they hadn't expected the idiots under Baldy Li's command to turn around and strike their own team, leaving Baldy Li with only one usable eye. As the old saying goes, For a friend one will take two daggers in the chest, but for a woman one will stab a friend twice—an irrefutable logic that applied perfectly to the situation. The crowd started speculating about how Baldy Li might have to wear an eye patch over his black eye and said, "Baldy Li is going to be a European pirate."
Two days after laying siege at the outskirts of the city, Baldy Li, his left eye still very swollen, went to Lin Hong's house to execute the stratagem of penetrating behind enemy lines. This time he asked his brother to accompany him, arguing that he might need to call on Song Gang's advice at any moment. If he once again ran into unexpected difficulties, Song Gang should immediately come up with other clever stratagems to help him out. Baldy Li held up three fingers and asked that Song Gang contribute at least three stratagems for him to pick from. Then the two of them — one tall and the other short, one resembling a civil official and the other a military official — set off down the streets of Liu.
Baldy Li couldn't stop chuckling the entire way. He felt that Song Gang's suggestion that he penetrate behind enemy lines and conquer Lin Hong's parents was a stroke of genius. All along the way Baldy Li kept giving Song Gang the thumbs-up sign, saying, "Your suggestion that in order to capture the thieves one must first capture their chief is truly wicked."
With a literary journal under his arm, Song Gang walked anxiously at Baldy Li's side. Baldy Li's look of confidence and determination actually exacerbated Song Gong's doubts about their latest plan. Of the five stratagems he had suggested for Baldy Li, the first three had failed miserably, and he feared that this fourth one would not fare much better. When they arrived at the door to Lin Hong's home, Song Gang paused apprehensively and told Baldy Li that he would wait for him outside. Baldy Li protested, saying that since he had come all this way, how could he not go in? He tried to drag Song Gang in with him, but Song Gang resisted and said that he was simply too embarrassed.
"What's there to be embarrassed about?" Baldy Li yelled on Lin Hong's doorstep. "It's not you who is courting her; all you need to do is stand by and observe."
Song Gang blushed and said quietly, "Don't shout. It would make me embarrassed just to stand by and watch you court her."
"You good-for-nothing." Baldy Li shook his head impatiently. "All you are good for is living vicariously as my advisor."
Then Baldy Li proudly walked into Lin Hongs courtyard. Though several families shared this courtyard, no one was around. Crying out happily, "Uncle, Auntie, how are you?" Baldy Li picked at random one of the three doors that had been left open and found a young couple sitting at a table and staring at him in astonishment. He quickly waved and said with a laugh, "Wrong door!"
He then went into another open door and found that this was indeed the correct one. Lin Hongs parents were both inside, but they didn't know Baldy Li, so when they caught sight of a short and swarthy young man calling them Uncle and Auntie, they simply stared at each other in astonishment, at a loss as to who this could possibly be. Baldy Li stood in the middle of the room looking around and asked with a laugh, "Has Lin Hong gone out?"
Lin Hong's parents nodded, and her mother said, "She went shopping."
Baldy Li nodded back, and with both hands stuffed in his pockets, he walked toward Lin Hong's kitchen and looked around. Lin Hong's parents wondered who this could be as they followed Baldy Li into the kitchen. He walked up to the coal stove, leaned over, opened the cardboard box in which the coal was stored, and saw that it was full. Baldy Li then stood up and asked Lin Hong's father, "Uncle, did you buy this coal yesterday?"
Lin Hong's father, still in a bit of a daze, nodded, but then shook his head and said, "No, I bought it the day before yesterday."
Baldy Li nodded, then walked over to the rice jar, lifted the wooden lid, and saw that it was full of rice. He then turned around and asked, "Uncle, did you buy this rice yesterday?"
This time Lin Hong's father initially shook his head, but then nodded. "I bought the rice yesterday."