Of the twenty men Lin Hong looked at twice, nine already had girlfriends, and these nine would also sigh incessantly, regretting their own impatience to get a free taste of cow's milk and lamenting that drinking early was not nearly as important as drinking well. They started considering the idea of dumping their girlfriends and running off in pursuit of Lin Hong. Of those nine, eight were swayed by considerations of profits and losses and decided that, although it was true that their girlfriends were not as beautiful and captivating as Lin Hong, they had gone to considerable trouble to court them, seduce them, and bed them. No matter how good Lin Hong might be, she had merely glanced at them twice, unlike their girlfriends, who were safely in hand. These men were of the opinion that a bird in the hand was better than two in the bush. Therefore, even though they were entranced by Lin Hong, they didn't make any concrete advances. Of the nine, these eight were methodical pursuers of love — only the ninth was an opportunistic pursuer. He began by tentatively placing bets on both horses. One night he slept happily with his current girlfriend and felt emotions as deep as the sea; the following night he secretly bought two movie tickets, hiding one in his inner breast pocket and asking an acquaintance to give the other to Lin Hong on his behalf.
By that point, Lin Hong had become the towns resident Sherlock Holmes and had investigated the personal backgrounds of all twenty of the town s handsome young men. Therefore, she knew that this opportunist who sent her a movie ticket was already living with a girlfriend. Lin Hong didn't reveal any emotion when she accepted the ticket, but her heart skipped a beat as she thought that this was someone who was about to get married yet still dared to make a pass at her. People at that time were still very conservative, and as soon as a couple slept together they were perceived as having lost value. When a new house or new car becomes old, one can only go to a secondhand market to exchange them. Lin Hong knew that the girlfriend of this opportunist was a cashier at the Red Flag fabric store; therefore she went to the store and, while admiring the multicolored fabrics on display, spoke with the girlfriend. Lin Hong took out the movie ticket and handed it to her; then, noting the woman's confusion, explained that the ticket was given to her by the woman's boyfriend. After Lin Hong told this confused and anxious young woman the full truth, she warned her, "Your boyfriend fancies himself Liu Town's resident Don Juan."
This opportunistic lover, it turns out, was none other than Poet Zhao, who was initially quite well respected but later became hopeless and despondent. That evening, unaware of what Lin Hong had done, he went expectantly to the theater. Some even say that he was whistling. Poet Zhao wandered around outside for half an hour, and only when the film had started did he sneak in like a thief. Zhao was going from a bright area to a dark area, so he had to find his seat by feel. He couldn't clearly see the face of the person sitting next to him but thought that it was Lin Hong. He confidently whispered her name a few times, then added that he had known all along that she would come.
Poet Zhao then leaned over and poured out his heart to his companion, still assuming she was Lin Hong. He had not yet finished speaking when he abruptly heard an ear-piercing screech and was rewarded with a few hard slaps to the face. Finding himself suddenly under attack, he had no idea what was happening, and even less how to protect himself. Dumbfounded, he craned his neck and turned toward his attacker, thereby exposing his entire face to the oncoming slaps. As his girlfriend shrieked in fury she didn't sound like herself, so Poet Zhao didn't recognize her voice and continued to believe that it was Lin Hong who was slapping him. He therefore became very indignant, wondering, Who in the world flirts like this? He quietly urged, "Lin Hong, Lin Hong, be careful of your image…"
At this point Poet Zhao's girlfriend screamed, "I'll fucking kill you, philanderer!"
Poet Zhao was finally able to make out his girlfriend's face and fearfully hugged his head as he allowed her to beat the stuffing out of him. The movie that was showing was The Shaolin Temple. Later audience members would say that they enjoyed double screenings of The Shaolin Temple that night — one starring Jet Li and the other with Poet Zhao. Furthermore, everyone agreed that Poet Zhao's version was more impressive, that his girlfriend was even better than the Wulin master, and that the martial arts she used in cursing and beating Poet Zhao were even more deadly than Jet Li's. From that day on Poet Zhao became notorious, his reputation for wickedness exceeding even Baldy Li's after he was caught peeping at Lin Hong's bottom. Zhao's girlfriend immediately kicked him out and married someone else, and went on to bear her new husband a cherubic son. Though he was deeply regretful, from that point on Zhao never managed to have another girlfriend, let alone a wife. After learning this painful lesson, Poet Zhao waxed lyrical to Writer Liu with a sigh, "They speak of going for wool only to end up shorn. ‘Tis I, ‘tis I."
Writer Liu laughed appreciatively but thought to himself that since he also had designs on Lin Hong, it was really but for the grace of God that he had avoided losing his current wife and ending up like Poet Zhao. Writer Liu patted Poet Zhao's shoulder, then — though it was unclear whether he was congratulating himself or consoling Poet Zhao — he concluded, "It is a wise man who knows his own limitations."
Of the nineteen infatuated men, only two were bona fide bachelors, and these two initiated courtship procedures, both declaring that they had neither a marital history nor even a girlfriend history. One even showed Lin Hong's parents his medical records, which stated that he had no history of mental illness or any other chronic illness. The other, when he learned of this, immediately presented his parents’ medical histories. Spreading them out as if he were unfurling a pair of scroll paintings, he showed Lin Hong's parents that his own parents had no history of mental illness or chronic illness either. As for himself, he patted his chest and said that he had no medical history at all. He claimed that he had never been sick in his life and in fact didn't even know what it meant to be sick. He said he was so healthy that he had never even sneezed, and that as a child he found it very curious when someone sneezed, thinking that their nose was farting. As soon as he said this, his own nose started to itch and his mouth opened of its own accord. Realizing that he was about to sneeze, he made dramatic gestures as he swallowed the sneeze, looking as if he were gulping down poison. He feigned a yawn and said with embarrassment, "I didn't sleep well last night."
These two bona fide bachelors both paid several visits to Lin Hong's house. Though they saw with their own eyes her tepid response, the polite smiles from Lin Hong's parents inflated their hopes. Already imagining themselves as prospective sons-in-law, these two bachelors started calling Lin Hong's parents Mom and Dad. Covered in goose bumps from embarrassment, the parents demurred, "Don't call us that, don't call us that."
One of the bachelors was comparatively tactful and switched back to calling them Uncle and Auntie. The other, however, was even more obtuse than Baldy Li and continued calling them Mom and Dad, explaining that since he would be calling them that sooner or later, he might as well start now. Lin Hong's parents snapped back, "And who is your dad? Who is your mom?"