Baldy Li paid Song Gang no heed. Instead, grasping his groin, he continued limping down the street with a martyred air, with Song Gang following close behind. After a while, Baldy Li turned and said quietly, "Go on back."
Song Gang shook his head. He opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out were the words "Baldy Li …"
Baldy Li saw Song Gang standing there without moving and quietly urged him, "Damn it, today you are the groom. Go on back inside."
Song Gang finally found the words to say what was on his mind: "Why would you want to cut off all hope of having descendants?"
"Why?" Baldy Li repeated miserably. "Because I have become disillusioned with the mortal world."
Song Gang shook his head sadly. He watched Baldy Li walking slowly down the road. After about ten paces, Baldy Li turned around and told Song Gang sincerely, "Take good care of yourself."
Song Gang felt a stab of sorrow. He knew that from this point on the two brothers would go their separate ways. As he watched Baldy Li limp away he suddenly remembered the first time they had parted. His grandfather had held his hand at the village gate, watching as Li Lan led Baldy Li by the hand down the country road.
Liu Town's toreador walked away without turning back. On the street he encountered Little Scissors Guan. Little Guan saw that Baldy Li was limping and grasping his abdomen with his left hand, so he called out to him curiously. He asked if he had a bellyache. Baldy Li had not yet had a chance to respond when Little Guan peremptorily suggested, "Roundworms. I'm sure its roundworms chewing up your intestines."
At that point Baldy Li was still reveling in the martyrdom of his vasectomy With the air of one who had made a heroic sacrifice, he grasped Little Guan, held up his medical record, and asked scornfully, "What are roundworms?"
Then he opened his medical record and showed it to Little Guan, specifically pointing out the word vasoligation on the front. Little Guan carefully read through the record, constantly complaining about how poor the doctors handwriting was. After he finished, he still didn't know what vasoligation meant, so he asked Baldy Li to explain.
Baldy Li perked up and announced proudly, "Vasoligation? That means castration."
Little Guan asked in astonishment, "You cut off your dick?"
"What do you mean by cut off?" Baldy Li was not pleased by Little Scissors Guan's choice of words and corrected him. "It was not cut off, it was ligated."
"That is to say," Little Guan asked, "you still have your dick?"
"Of course I do." Baldy Li stroked his crotch with his right hand and added, "It is still completely intact."
Then Baldy Li heroically said, "I originally wanted to cut it off, but then when I thought about having to squat down to pee like a woman, I felt that would be rather unbecoming and therefore decided to have it ligated instead."
Baldy Li patted Little Guan's shoulder, grasped his abdomen, and, waving his vasectomy certificate, slowly limped away. Little Guan stood there laughing uncontrollably. Then, pointing at Baldy Li, he told everyone that Baldy Li had gotten himself ligated, which is to say castrated — although, he then noted for the sake of precision, Baldy Li's dick was still intact. As Baldy Li walked farther and farther into the distance, the crowd around Little Guan kept growing. They excitedly discussed Baldy Li, agreeing that this had been a most entertaining day. What the crowd did not anticipate, however, was that a decade later Baldy Li would single-handedly account for the GDP of the entire county.
CHAPTER 38
BALDY LI'S road to GDP-dom began in Liu Town s Good Works Factory. How could he have known that his early romantic setback was a blessing in disguise? After he had his heart broken by Lin Hong, he went back to the factory and proceeded to produce one profit miracle after another. This was the era when Deng Xiaoping's reforms had just begun to affect the general economy. The more Baldy Li thought about it, the more convinced he became that he was an entrepreneurial genius. If he was able to strike it rich leading a motley crew of two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men, then if he were able to command fifty college graduates, forty M.A.'s, thirty Ph.D. s, and twenty postdoctorate fellows, wouldn't he become as rich as an oil tanker?
As soon as Baldy Li reached this earth-shattering conclusion, he immediately ordered his fourteen loyal minions to put down whatever they were working on and attend the most urgent emergency meeting in the factory's history. A moment earlier he had been on the phone negotiating a new contract for his factory, but as soon as he hung up he decided to resign. He proceeded to deliver an hourlong impassioned speech in which he spent fifty-nine minutes praising his own achievements and the final minute reapproving the two cripples as the factory's director and deputy director. He concluded by sadly declaring that they, the Good Works Factory's workers, had unanimously accepted Director Baldy Li's letter of resignation. Baldy Li tearfully concluded, "Thank you!"
After Baldy Li gave his thanks, he sprinted away. His fourteen loyal minions sat there without moving. The three idiots hadn't understood a word of what he had said, and so after Baldy Li left they remained cheerfully oblivious. The five deaf men had just watched Baldy Li's thick lips move up and down, and upon seeing him stop moving his lips and abruptly leave, their first thought was that he had gone to the rest-room. Therefore, they sat and waited patiently for him to return and resume moving his lips. The two cripples looked at each other, not knowing what was going on. Five years earlier, Baldy Li had held a similar meeting with all of the employees, at which he abruptly dismissed the crippled director and deputy director and appointed himself factory director. This time he was dismissing himself instead and reinstating the two cripples in their former positions. The four blind men stared ahead blankly with their dark eyes. Their minds were much clearer than those of the remaining cripples, idiots, and deaf men, and therefore they were the first to fully realize that Baldy Li would not be returning. One of the blind men laughed, then the other three started laughing as well. The three idiots were jolly to begin with, but upon seeing the four blind men also getting jolly, the idiots, not willing to fall behind, broke out into loud guffaws. The five deaf men couldn't hear, but they could see everyone laughing and thought that Baldy Li must have made a joke as he was rushing off in search of a restroom. Therefore, the five of them also broke into guffaws — the three deaf-mutes simply miming. Finally it had dawned on the two cripples who had just been reinstated as factory director and deputy that Baldy Li had quit, but they couldn't understand why everyone was so tickled. The crippled factory director remarked that Baldy Li had always treated them very generously, and therefore he suggested that perhaps it was a bit unseemly for everyone to be so happy at his resignation. The deputy director nodded repeatedly, saying that the director was exactly right and had expressed exactly his thoughts. The four blind men chuckled and asked whether anyone was curious about why Baldy Li would want to quit when things were going so well. Obviously it was because he had been promoted to the Civil Affairs Bureau. The blind man concluded blindly, "Factory Director Li has gone on to become Bureau Director Li."
"You have a point," the two cripples responded.
Bureau Director Tao Qing and the Civil Affairs Bureau didn't learn about Baldy Li's resignation until a month later, by which point the fourteen cripples, idiots, and blind and deaf men had completed all of the work contracts Baldy Li had obtained for them. The two cripples had moved back into the director's office, dug up their old chessboard, and once again spent the entire day playing chess and cursing each other. The remaining twelve workers sat in the workshop with nothing to do. The three idiots remained jolly and oblivious, and the four blind men and five deaf men engaged in yawning competitions.