Upon hearing this, Little Guan and Yanker Yu also burst into tears. Blacksmith Tong threw his hammer down next to the stove and sat down on Yanker Yu's recliner, pounding his head with his fist. Pretending that his head was actually Baldy Li's, he pummeled himself with all his strength. "I'm a son of a bitch!" Blacksmith Tong cursed himself. "How could I have trusted that son of a bitch, Baldy Li?"
Little Guan and Yanker Yu also started pounding their own heads and cursing themselves, "We sons of bitches …"
Mama Su was the only one who hadn't lost money, and seeing her former partners beating and cursing themselves, she started to cry. She wiped away her tears as she murmured, "Fortunately, I went to the temple to burn incense…"
After Blacksmith Tong had nearly beat himself unconscious, he gritted his teeth and swore, "If I don't beat that bastard Baldy Li until he is completely incapacitated, then I don't deserve to be considered a man."
Upon hearing Blacksmith Tongs oath, Popsicle Wang wiped away his tears. With a look of steely determination, as if he were a heroic martyr off to assassinate the tyrant king, he raised his fist and swore, "I will make sure to beat him until he can't even move."
Little Guan and Yanker Yu also took oaths. Little Scissors Guan swore that he would snip off Baldy Li's dick, his nose and ears, and his fingers and toes. Yanker Yu swore that he would yank out every tooth in Baldy Li's mouth and extract every bone in his body. Still, they all remained choked with fury, so they continued to swear, and to slice and extract, until in their imagination Baldy Li was nothing but a human stump.
Tailor Zhang was more cultured than the others, but even he started swearing like a drunken sailor, vowing that he would cut off Baldy Li's head. In order to prove that this wasn't an idle boast, he revealed that he had a Japanese sword hidden under his bed, and although it was a bit rusty, he would need just a couple of hours with Little Guan s whetstone and he could have it like new — sharp enough to lop off Baldy Li's head with a single stroke.
Mama Su heard their oaths and blanched with fear. Upon hearing that Tailor Zhang planned to slice off Baldy Li's head, she took him at his word. But glancing at his thin and refined arm, she couldn't help but worry. "Baldy Li's neck is as thick as an ordinary person's thigh. Are you sure that you can slice through it?"
Tailor Zhang stared at her in surprise. Upon further reflection he decided that he wasn't sure that he could and replied, "I wouldn't necessarily cut off his head."
"If you don't cut off his head," Little Guan yelled, "you should at least slice off his balls."
Tailor Zhang, however, shook his head, saying, "I'm not capable of such a dirty trick."
CHAPTER 42
TONG, ZHANG, GUAN, YU, AND WANG were all true to their word, and from that point on, every time they ran into Baldy Li in the street, they would pummel him mercilessly. Just as a writer is known by his distinctive turns of phrase, a boxer is defined by the turn of his fist. Each of them, therefore, pounded Baldy Li in his own distinctive way. Blacksmith Tong, for instance, would raise his hammerlike fist and slam it into Baldy Li's face with such force that Baldy Li would stagger backward. Tong would then swagger away, staring straight ahead, never hitting Baldy Li a second time. Thus Blacksmith Tong could be said to have a single-strike style. Meanwhile, whenever Tailor Zhang encountered Baldy Li, he would scream at him in a disappointed tone, "You, you, you!" — but by the time his fist reached Baldy Li's face, it had become merely a finger poking at it like a sewing machine needle. Thus Tailor Zhang could be said to have finger-poking style.
Yanker Yu, though, approached the task like a professional. He would always aim his tooth-yanking hand straight at Baldy Li's teeth, pounding them until Baldy Li's mouth was full of blood and Yu's fingers were covered with teeth marks. Yanker Yu would hold his hand as though he had just burned it, yelping fiercely but thinking that at least he had left Baldy Li rummaging on the ground for his missing teeth. The next time he saw Baldy Li, though, he would still have the same mouthful of pearly white teeth. Crying out in amazement, Yanker Yu would make Baldy Li open his mouth wide and would then stick his hand inside and count carefully, confirming that, in fact, there was not a single tooth missing. Therefore, every time Yanker Yu pummeled Baldy Li, he would cry out, "What excellent teeth!"
Little Scissors Guan, meanwhile, had a down-and-dirty street-fighting style. The first time they ran into each other, he kicked Baldy Li's feet with such force that Baldy Li doubled over, thereby exposing his crotch, whereupon Little Guan then kicked him hard in the balls. Baldy Li collapsed in pain, grasping his groin with both hands and rolling on the ground in agony. Afterward, whenever they met, Baldy Li would immediately hold his legs together and protect his crotch with both hands. Little Guan repeatedly kicked Baldy Li's shins and then his thighs until he himself was covered in sweat, but still he couldn't get the man to open his legs. Little Guan would become increasingly frantic and, while kicking Baldy Li, would cry out, "Spread ‘em, damn it. Spread ‘em!"
Baldy Li would shake his head and, pointing at his precious treasures, say, "They have already been ligated. Why don't you have pity on them and let them be?"
Popsicle Wang's style was along the lines of using a blunt knife to saw flesh. Every time he encountered Baldy Li, he would burst into tears as if his parents had just died. He would then grab Baldy Li by the collar and pummel him again and again until Baldy Li knelt to the ground holding his head in his hands. Popsicle Wang then would place his left hand on Baldy Li's shoulder to support himself and pummel him with his other fist. He would continue in this manner for more than an hour, including a twenty-minute break in between to catch his breath. While resting, Popsicle Wang would wipe away his tears and say plaintively to the crowd, "Five hundred yuan!"
The five creditors beat Baldy Li from early spring straight through midsummer, until he looked like a wounded soldier returning from battle. Every time he appeared on the streets of Liu, Baldy Li would either have a swollen face or else be limping and cradling an injured arm. By this point Baldy Li's clothes were completely in tatters, his hair longer than Marx's, and he had a beard shaggier than Engels s. No one knew what had happened to the awe-inspiring Baldy Li of the past or why he had been replaced by this beggarlike figure. After his hair had grown down to his shoulders, the town's two Men of Talent gave him foreign rock-star nicknames. Writer Liu called him Beatle Li, and Poet Zhao called him Michael Jackson Li. The people of Liu, however, didn't get the point of these names. Having heard only of the Chinese pop star Teresa Teng, they had no idea who the hell the Beatles and Michael Jackson were. When they tried to find out from Writer Liu and Poet Zhao, the Men of Talent haughtily turned and walked away. Liu and Zhao were displeased with the general ignorance of the townspeople, and in walking away, they sought to rise unsullied from the muck. The townspeople therefore had no alternative but to ask Baldy Li himself. Although he had no idea who these rock stars were either, he enthusiastically responded to the crowds questions with a shake of his head: "Dunno — they're foreigners."
Of the five boxing styles adopted by his five creditors, Baldy Li was most terrified of Little Scissors Guan's down-and-dirty style. Although Blacksmith Tongs punch was solid, accurate, and fierce, it was still a one-shot affair. And once Yanker Yu discovered how strongly rooted Baldy Li's teeth were, he began to punch with less and less force. Baldy Li grew most accustomed to Tailor Zhang's elegant and refined poking, with Popsicle Wang's blunt-knife style running a close second. Although Popsicle Wang would rain punches down on him nonstop, he was not very strong, and therefore the thick-skinned Baldy Li was not afraid of him. So the last thing he expected was that, as spring turned to summer, the most fearsome of the five would turn out to be Popsicle Wang. When summer came, Wang started hauling around his popsicle case on his back and holding a wooden cane in his hand. As he walked the streets hawking his popsicles, he would strike the case with his cane, and upon seeing Baldy Li, he would proceed to strike him with the cane as well. This traditional weapon caused Baldy Li unspeakable pain, and when it came down on his long-haired head, he would almost pass out. Once Baldy Li had been reduced to squatting with his head in his hands, Wang would simply sit on his popsicle case and continue pounding Baldy Li's head with his cane, all the while sighing repeatedly over the five hundred yuan he had lost and continuing to hawk his popsicles. In order to protect his head, Baldy Li had no choice but to sacrifice his hands. As a result, they became red and swollen, having been pounded by Popsicle Wang's stick until they looked like braised pig's feet. He would nevertheless continue protecting his head, reasoning that it was more valuable, since he would still have to rely on it to do business.