"Your wife," I said. "Slicky Girl Nam."
"Now you got it."
Ernie let out a whoop. "Has she got a case of the ass at you, Herman! Even with that M-sixteen, you're going to need protection."
"She's the one who put the slicky boys on my ass," Herman said. "And she's the only one who can call them off."
"You're more afraid of them," I said, "than you are of Eighth Army or the Korean National Police."
Herman nodded.
Outside, the rain started to pick up.
Five minutes later, someone rapped on the door. The owner opened it, said "Oso oseiyo," and footsteps shuffled in.
Her head popped into the kitchen first. A wrinkled hand pulled off a broad-brimmed cap and a thick mane of gray and black hair cascaded to her shoulders. Slicky Girl Nam.
Her eyes were red with crying and blazed with rage.
"You son bitch!"
She charged.
Holding her small fists in the air, she smacked them into the side of Herman's head. His neck quivered, but other than that he hardly moved. She smacked him again and again and clutched his forehead with her claws, trying to pry his eyes out of his skull.
All the while, Herman kept the M-16 trained on me and Ernie, his finger on the trigger.
Ernie started to move. Herman snatched Slicky Girl Nam's wrist and ripped her fingers away from his eyeballs.
"Don't try it, Bascom," he said. Ernie sat back down.
Herman looked at Slicky Girl Nam. Her face was as twisted as a mask of the goddess of the underworld. "Not the eyes," he said. "That's the only place you have to leave alone."
When he let go of her wrists she started to pummel him again. She boxed his ears and punched his lips and smashed his nose. But she stayed away from his eyes.
Only when the laws of physics demanded that some part of his body give a little, did Herman flinch.
Slicky Girl Nam's rage was like the monsoon torrent growing outside. She scratched and clawed and punched until finally the strength in her arms gave out.
Then she stopped for a moment to catch her breath. Herman's head was bathed in blood. He had to wipe his face with the back of his fat knuckles so he could see, but he kept the M-16 trained steadily on us.
After catching her wind, Slicky Girl started cursing and punching him again.
We were both growing sick of it. Ernie spoke first. "Why don't you defend yourself, Herman?"
"I don't deserve it." More blows landed. "All I could think about was the money. So I sliced off Mi-ja's ear, convincing myself that it was for her own good. And I chopped off her finger, in one quick slice, hoping it wouldn't hurt too bad. But she screamed and cried for hours. Then I left her with those Mongols. They said they were Buddhists. They couldn't perform any butchery themselves. So instead they stuffed straw down her throat and let her gag on it until she turned blue.
"I did all that," Herman said, "to my own little girl. For money."
He shook his head in amazement. Slicky Girl Nam's punches were little more than taps now. Herman wiped the blood from his eyes once more and spoke to her gently.
"Are you tired, honey?"
"Yeah," she said hoarsely. "I'm tired."
"You rest for a minute and then you can use this." He pointed a bloody finger at the hatchet.
"What I do with that?"
"Don't you worry. I'll tell you. You just rest for a while."
Slicky Girl Nam breathed heavily.
"For Christ's sake, Herman," Ernie said. "You can't go through with this. Whatever you're planning."
"It'll be over soon. You just hold your position in formation like good soldiers."
Outside in the dining room, I heard the front door slam. Herman heard it, too.
"It's the owner," I said. "He's probably going to alert the police."
"I guess I didn't pay him enough," Herman said.
"I guess he got sick to his stomach hearing what she's been doing to you," Ernie said. "You have to stop this bullshit, Herman."
"Almost done," he said. "You ready now, honey?"
"I ready."
"Here, take the hatchet. Now after we're through with this, I want you to call off the slicky boys. Okay?"
Slicky Girl Nam gazed at the hatchet and then at the M-16. "Okay," she said. "I don't need them anymore."
"I'm going to lean my head down on the cutting board, honey, like this, so I can still keep an eye on these two guys."
"Okay, Herman," Slicky Girl Nam said. "What you want me do?"
"I want you to cut off my ear. Just like I did to Mi-ja."
Ernie and I leapt out of our seats. Using one hand, Herman raised the barrel of his rifle.
"Easy, boys. Steady in formation."
The gaping mouth of the business end of the M-16 looked huge from where we stood. We both slumped back down. Ernie cursed softly.
"Go ahead, honey," Herman said. "Cut off the ear."
Slicky Girl Nam licked her thumb and rubbed it on the edge of the hatchet. "It not sharp."
"That's okay, honey. You just push hard."
She placed the hatchet flat on Herman's head behind his ear. "Okay," she said. "Can do easy. You ready?"
Thunder blasted outside. Herman had to shout.
"Ready."
Slicky Girl Nam shoved the hatchet forward and Herman's ear tore off with an audible rip. Both Ernie and I leaned back.
The blast of the M-16 exploded inches from our faces. Ernie and I flopped off the bench and crashed to the floor.
I swiveled my head. A small hole gaped in the wall between us.
Herman's eyes were filled with tears, but he was still conscious. He sat back up. Blood gushed from his ear in a crimson stream.
"Sorry, you guys," he said. "Reflex reaction."
Ernie and I climbed warily back up onto the bench.
"Okay, honey," Herman said, breathing heavily. "Now chop up the ear in little slices, just like Mi-ja's ear was chopped up to go in that mandu."
Slicky Girl Nam seemed to have found her strength again. She chopped vigorously until Herman's ear lay on the bloody cutting board in shredded pieces. It looked just like the little ear we'd found in the bowl of steamed dumplings.
"How's that, honey?" Slicky Girl Nam asked.
"Good job."
All of Slicky Girl Nam's rage had disappeared. I'd never seen her so considerate of her husband. It was as if she'd finally gained respect for the old lifer. She glanced down at the sliced flesh.
'You want me to make dumplings?"
"No time for that," Herman said. "I've got to go now, honey. You take the rifle, keep these guys here. I hope you see now that I've paid for what happened to our little Mi-ja."
Slicky Girl Nam stared down at Herman's shredded ear. 'You pay," she said.
Herman grabbed a wet rag and held it to the side of his head, stanching the flow of blood. "Give me ten minutes head start. Someday, when all this shit settles down, I'll come back for you."
Slicky Girl Nam's eyes welled with tears. "Okay, Herman," she said. "Someday you come back to Slicky Girl Nam."
Herman started to back toward the door. I reached in my pocket, pulled out a plastic bag, and slapped it on the bloody cutting board.
"Not so fast, Herman," I said.
The door was open, but Herman stopped. I pointed to the pile of green gravel in the plastic bag.
"I had it tested this morning, Nam. This is what is left of the jade skull of Kublai Khan. The problem is that it is not jade. It's glass."
"Don't believe him, Nam," Herman said. 'You know you can trust me."
Ernie started to back away along the wall. Slicky Girl Nam's eyes narrowed and her finger tightened around the trigger of the M-16.
"He brought a phony glass skull to the demonstration," I told her. "Now that he's cut off his ear and he knows that you and the slicky boys won't be coming after him for killing Mi-ja, he plans to get the real jade skull and escape from the country. It was a good plan, Herman. If I hadn't grabbed some of this glass before the rain washed it away last night, you might even have pulled it off."