Hope for what? he wondered.
Well, hope that everything would turn out all right.
That’s the way it’s supposed to work, didn’t you know that? You’re supposed to go through the worst possible trials and tribulations each day before the soap commercial, and then at the end of the week everything is supposed to work out all right. The cavalry is supposed to arrive. That’s what the whole goddamn thing is about, don’t you know? That’s what keeps us going, the certainty that everything is going to work out all right, the mortgage will be paid, the villain will be vanquished, everybody will be rich and happy, and it will end in a clinch at sunset.
He suddenly found himself grinning. You think I’m afraid of tigers? he thought. Hal The cavalry’s going to arrive. Who the hell’s afraid of tigers!
He went to the bathroom door and pounded on it furiously. The door opened. She was wearing her red cotton robe, belted at the waist. She looked out at him with a curious smile.
“Ah, now he comes,” she said. “When I’ve already put on my lipstick.”
“Listen, Grace,” he said.
Over her shoulder, he could see his own reflection in the mirror over the sink. His eyes were brightly glowing; there was a high, intense look on his face.
“What is it?” she said.
“What is this?” he asked. “A big goddamn city?”
“Yes, it’s—”
“What is it? A big goddamn world?”
She was studying him curiously now, the smile no longer on her face, a look of serious concern in her eyes.
“Are you afraid of tigers?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “I’m scared to death of—”
“Neither am I,” he said. “What the hell are tigers? We’re both young, aren’t we? We’re both strong!”
“If twenty-eight is young, then I suppose—”
“We’re going to lick this goddamn thing, Grace. We’re going to make it turn out our way, the way we want it, do you hear me? You’re twenty-two years old. Why the hell should you have to cry in bed at night?”
“What is it?” she said gently. “What’s the matter? Is something—”
“It’s not all making coffee and rolling out of bed on a Saturday morning, Grace. What the hell do they have out there? Tigers? Who’s afraid of tigers? A little colored kid in the jungle made pancakes out of them, for Christ’s sake!”
“What did you hear on the radio? Did something upset you?”
“They took his pants and his shirt and his shoes and his umbrella just like they’ve taken ours, Grace, but the cavalry arrived, didn’t it? They wound up on the breakfast table, so who’s afraid of them?”
“You’re frightening me,” she said.
“There’s nothing to be frightened of. They made the rules, didn’t they? All right, we’ll learn the rules. We’ll play the game their way, why not? We’re together, aren’t we?”
“Yes, darling,” she said. “We’re together.”
“All I need is your help.”
“I’ll help you.”
“I’m going to know who I am, do you hear that?”
“Yes, darling, I know you are.”
“I need your help, Grace.”
“I’ll help you. I’ll help you all I can.”
“Do you know what I was about to do? I was about to leave you, do you realize that? I was about to go out there alone, Grace! What would you do then? What would you do alone, with your big belly, in this empty apartment? What would you do? You’d cry alone, the way I heard you crying night after night, your back turned to me, while I lay there with every muscle quivering, and the apartment closed around us like a tomb, alone, Grace. How could I have even thought of it?”
She watched him silently, and then glanced across the room toward the telephone. She seemed about to move toward it.
“We don’t need anyone,” he said. “Never mind that.”
“What?”
“The telephone. Never mind any of them, the hell with them all. We can do it alone.”
“I thought...”
“What did you think? That I could actually leave you? Just walk out of your life? Ah, no, Grace, that’s your game, not mine. What would you do then, huh? If I left? Weep alone for the boy and girl who met in a park and tried to grow up together, unaware that tigers can stunt your growth? They can, Grace, oh they can, but not to us! What would you do, wipe away your tears and consult your charts and notice that Gemini is under the rulership of the planet Mercury, and that you were born in the second decanate, eleven to twenty degrees, with the sun in ascendance? And then forget? Wipe away your tears and forget? How could I leave you, Grace? How could I ever forget you?”
She did not answer him. She was biting her lip now and watching him worriedly.
“I want to be one of the tigers,” he said. “I want to drink raw blood.”
He saw she was fighting to hold back her tears. She was twisting her hands now, and biting her lip, and the tears were behind her eyes, ready to overflow.
“No,” he said. “Don’t cry.”
“You frighten me. I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said. “Worry about them! They’re the ones who have to worry!” He walked swiftly to the window and threw it open. “Listen to me!” he shouted to the lighted windows across the street. “Listen to me, you bastards!”
“Darling, please...”
“Open your window eyes and look at me up here! Do you see me? This is me standing here! I am going to get all the things I need and want, and I am going to get them with these bare hands. Now, what do you think of that? Go ahead, turn out your bathroom light up there — what the hell do I care? You can’t stop us, do you hear me?” He turned from the window. Very softly, he said, “They can’t stop us, Grace.” He walked to her and dropped to his knees before her. He opened the red robe and put his head against her belly. “I love you, Grace,” he said. “I love what’s inside you.” He paused. “We’re going to learn. We’re going to beat the bastards.”
She sighed deeply and gently stroked his face. He stayed on his knees before her, his cheek pressed to her belly, for what seemed like a long long time. Then he rose and stood before her with his head erect and his shoulders back. “I’ll go down for the whiskey now,” he said. “We’re going to have our party. We’re going to celebrate.”
“Maybe I ought to go. Maybe—”
“No, you still have to dress.” He smiled. “Don’t worry about me, Grace. There’s nothing out there that can harm me.”
“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” she said.
“Nothing will happen to me.”
“Or to us. I don’t want anything to happen to us.” She paused. She studied him for a long time, and then cautiously, she said, “Look, would you...” She bit her lip. “We can get help, you know. If you’d let me...”
“We don’t need help,” he said.
“It’s just... I don’t want to lose you.”
He smiled and went to her and took her in his arms. “No, huh?” he said teasingly. “How come?”
“I love you,” she said.
“You do, huh? Then how about giving me the money for the booze?”
She hesitated, watching his face. “You’ll come right back, won’t you?”
“I’ll fly,” he said.
She moved away from him and opened her handbag. “It’s two blocks up. The liquor store. You’ll have to look for a grocery. I don’t know if any’ll be open at this time of—”