She pursed her lips. “So, this is like some kind of sit-in? A demonstration of sorts.” She was trying to suppress it, but I could see her smile in her eyes.
“If you like. Except I’m going to shower regularly, and if you leave, I’m coming with you.”
“Like a stalker?”
She started to giggle but turned it into a cough. I couldn’t stop my grin. I brushed my thumb over her cheek. Her eyes sparkled when she smiled. She couldn’t hide it.
“Call it what you want. I know that I want you. And if you’re not ready, that’s fine. I’ll wait for as long as it takes for you to be ready. But I am, and you can’t possibly understand that or see that for yourself unless I’m here, with you. So here is where I’m going to be. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Luke, this isn’t about me . . .” She placed her coffee on the table beside her and waved her hands, as if they were trying to help her find the words. I caught them midair and interlaced her fingers with mine, desperate for a physical connection to her.
“Sure about that?” Ashleigh was scared and although she had made good points about my choosing her, that wasn’t the whole problem, not now. “Perhaps part of you doesn’t trust yourself. And that’s okay because there’s a lot at stake and neither of us have got it right when it comes to relationships so far. But this is different. We’re different, and if you don’t trust yourself then you’ve known me long enough to trust me.”
She tried to pull her fingers away, but I wouldn’t let her. I wasn’t letting her go. “This was about you making a choice, Luke, not me.”
“And I’m telling you that you’re the choice I’m making. The most important choice I’ll ever make.” I slid toward her, our thighs touching, her warmth seeping through to me.
“But—” I pulled her onto my lap, finally having her in my arms, able to breathe in the scent of her, of forever, of home.
“You don’t think I have other options. Maybe you were right. Maybe it seemed all too easy that when Emma and I split, I finally woke up. Perhaps it was. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right choice.” Ashleigh would always be the right choice. “And now? You think I don’t have the opportunity to fuck other women? I’ve always known there are other options.”
She winced.
“You’re right; you’ve been right in front of me all these years, and for whatever reason we haven’t happened until now, but I’m not thinking, Ashleigh’s around and available, that would be easy. I’m thinking, what a fucking waste, I’m an idiot. We could have been happy all this time, together.” I scanned her face, trying to read her reaction. Did she understand? “There will never be anyone else for me but you.”
Ashleigh
My head was spinning and my heart was pumping. I’d woken from a dream of Luke to find him at my door less than an hour later. Every sign said it was time. Time to trust him. Time to take a chance. And I’d made that decision before he’d arrived on my doorstep.
Now, sitting so close to him, everything he was saying seemed utterly compelling. He was considered and passionate in equal measures. Part of me wanted simply to fall into his arms, but I was scared. Not because I didn’t believe that he meant what he said, but because I did believe him. This was all I could have wished for from him. Now I was as capable of fucking this up as he was. The thought that I had equal responsibility for this relationship was terrifying. I’d dreamt about this for years. What happened if I messed it up? I had no excuses to turn him away, no more reasons to say no. He was ready. Things felt level between us, which was what I’d wanted.
It was scary as hell.
Luke tucked some hair behind my ear. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I . . .” His hand lowered from my face and I caught it in mine, and his eyes filled with questions. “I’m glad you’re here.” It was time.
Staring at our linked hands, I took in the sounds of our breath synchronizing. Was the impossible actually happening?
“You are?” Luke asked as his fingertips tilted my jaw, forcing my eyes to his. I kept my gaze lowered. “Look at me, Ashleigh.”
Slowly, I did as he asked.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. He moved toward me, running his hands down my neck. “I’m going to kiss you now. Are you ready?”
I was, finally, and I believed he was too.
“Yes, I’m ready.” My breath hitched. This wasn’t to be a drunken kiss at an awards ceremony, or two friends forgetting boundaries for a moment. This was going to mean something.
His lips smoothed across mine, dropping a tiny kiss at the corner of my mouth. I closed my eyes, trying to take it in, but Luke was moving me off him. I blinked and he was standing.
“Here,” he said, holding out his hand. “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”
My cheeks heated. As soon as I was next to him, his fingers slid around my waist and he buried his head in my neck. “You smell so good. You always do.”
I smiled at his comment. The perfume I wore reminded me of Luke because it smelled of magnolias. I liked that he seemed to drink it in when he was near me. It was as if it bound us together.
He pulled me closer. He was hard against my stomach, and I was relieved not just to hear his words, but to see the evidence of his desire for me. His arms clamped around me, and he began to walk me backward toward my bedroom, bending and kissing my neck at regular intervals on our journey.
We stood beside the bed as he lifted the hem of my T-shirt, skimming my skin with his fingers. Goose bumps covered me as I brought up my arms and he pulled off my top, discarding it behind me. I rested my hands on his chest, feeling the hard shape of him underneath the fabric of his clothes. I looked up to find him smiling. I followed his lead, peeling off his shirt. He gently laid me down, his body over mine.
“Luke?”
As if sensing what I needed from him, he moved to my side, skimming his hand up and down my stomach. “We don’t have to. Not yet if you’re not ready. I just want to be close to you.”
I smiled at him and pushed my hand through his hair. It was floppy, like it had been when he was young. “I’m ready, for you and me, for all of it, I just . . .”
“Ask me anything, I’ll always tell you the truth,” he said, knowing me too well.
“All these women you’ve had the opportunity to fuck . . .” Was it wrong to feel jealous, even though he’d only been doing as I asked?
“I’ve been close, but I’ve not slept with anyone since you.” He dropped a kiss on my chest and then pulled back, giving me time to think.
“Close?”
His eyes closed and he took in a deep breath. “I had a few dates. I mean, you said—”
“I know, and it’s fine. You don’t have to tell me.” I wanted to know.
“I know, but I want you to know everything you need.”
I found his hand and linked my fingers through his, trying to tell him I was okay with whatever he was going to say.
“Fiona and I went out a few times.”
Fiona from work. Fiona the triathlete. I held my breath, waiting for him to fill in the details. “You like her?”
“She’s a great girl, but she’s not you. I don’t feel this,” he said, squeezing my hand, “with her.”
“And she was the one you almost—”
“I realized I couldn’t, didn’t want to. She helped me decide to see you today. To stay until I’d won you over.”
I reached for his jaw, tracing the angles of his face with my fingers.
“What about you?” he asked.
It took me a second to realize what he was getting at. “Umm . . .” I was still distracted by his beautiful face.