My hand trembled, but I lifted my shirt, only above my navel, only high enough to reveal little more than a puffy flatness. Still secret.
I rested my hand over the warmth. I wished it hadn’t been the first time I was brave enough to touch.
I curled into bed, napping even though the sun had barely set. I woke halfway between a wave of nausea and an intense craving for something salty.
Gross.
I rested, head in my hands as the sweat poured off of me.
Equally gross.
He knocked on my door. I wasn’t in any condition for visitors. Max entered anyway.
His silhouette filled the entire doorway, but his size and strength reassured me. Despite the tattoos, penchant for using belts in unconventional applications, and adopting a sullen silence since I revealed the pregnancy, Max was my perfect teddy bear.
A very large, very temperamental teddy bear that happened to spank instead of cuddle.
“Hey, baby,” he said. “Can I come in?”
I flipped on the bedside lamp. “Since when do you ask permission from me?”
“Times change.”
“Yeah. There’s a Bennett in one of my childhood bedrooms.”
“Soon to be one more.”
Apparently. I cradled a pillow from the stash on my bed. Pink pastel and shaped like a sand-dollar, the pillows were early 90s hideous, but Mom ordered them for every room.
“Mike and Josiah hated these pillows.” I picked at a loose string. “But they were great for pillow fights. Josiah and I would gang up on Mike.”
“Cute.”
I squeezed it tight. “It’s weird here without them.”
Max’s words edged hard and impatient. “Look, I’m just checking to see if you need anything.”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay.”
A pause. I arched an eyebrow.
“So…goodnight?”
He turned, but his hand gripped the door frame. Too hard.
“If I were Reed, what would you need?” he asked.
The question came too quickly. “What?”
“If I were Reed, and I asked if you wanted anything, what would you need?”
“From Reed?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Answer the fucking question.”
I flinched. He apologized, but he didn’t mean it.
“If you were Reed…” I didn’t see a point in lying. “I’d ask you for a foot rub and we’d watch something stupid on Netflix until I fell asleep.”
Max said nothing. It couldn’t have offended him. I shrugged.
“But he’s whipped. You’re not.” I smirked. “You’re not into that.”
He ignored the implication. “What if I were Nick? What could I do for you then?”
That was an easier question, but it hurt to answer.
“Nothing.”
“You sure about that?”
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of Max’s head games. “It’s complicated.”
“How complicated can it be? You’re having his kid. That’s as simple as it gets.”
My mood swung every which way, and this time it skipped the tears and burst into anger.
“You think it’s that simple? You aren’t the one carrying the baby. You aren’t the one getting sick ten times a day. You aren’t the one who’ll have to explain to her Board of Directors why she’s carrying the child of her family’s greatest enemy.”
“And you’re making it worse by refusing help and doing it all on your own.”
I refused to look at him. “We’re done talking about this. I’ve suffered through enough doctors and exams and morning sickness today. I can’t deal with anything else.”
“You better start dealing.”
The rage prickled. I blinked angry tears. “And how would you deal with this?”
“Easier than you. I would have known from the beginning this was going to happen.”
“Oh, screw you, Max. You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t deny a Bennett,” he said.
“Get out.”
Max wasn’t even apologetic. “You never considered it was a possibility.”
“Because it wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love with Nick either. Surprise.”
Why was he being such an ass? “And instead of ruining just my life, we’ve ruined two.”
“Lot more than that, baby.”
My fingernails dug into the pillow. “Good. Then you understand why I’m doing this. I have to think about what’s best for my son.”
“Your son.” He emphasized the word. “We hope.”
We all needed to hope that the baby was a boy. I refused to answer Max otherwise.
“Did antagonizing my dad at the art show fit into your plan for what’s best for the baby?”
“I had to confront him.”
“And now we’ve spent a week running your ass all over Central California to stay out of his sight.”
“I’m not afraid of him.”
“Yes, you are. But you think you can hide from him if he’s six feet under.”
“Don’t tell me the thought doesn’t excite you.”
“Sure, it does.” Max crossed his arms. “But I was the one he beat on for twenty-seven years. I’m the one he abandoned when I started to limp. I’m the one who deals in blood to prove I’m still a Bennett. So yeah, the thought excites me. But, baby, revenge doesn’t look good on you. Leave it to the ones who are already damned.”
“I didn’t start this war, but I’ll end it,” I said. “And if that means murdering a man who has no right to exist outside of hell, then I’ll do it for myself and for my child.”
His child.
Nicholas’s child. It had to be. They’d have to believe it was.
Max stepped inside the room. I tucked the pillow closer to me, but he didn’t speak. His hand brushed aside my hair, and I swore he saw where the deepest bruise had lingered on my cheek.
“What happened to you, Sarah?”
I said nothing.
“For two months, you ran from us. No calls. No emails. No nothing.”
“Contrary to what the Bennetts believe, I’m no prisoner. I can do as I please.”
“No, you can’t, but it’s cute when you get defiant.”
“You guys don’t control me.”
“Now we do. More than ever. And we don’t even need a leash to do it.” Max grinned. “You should have kept running, baby. Run and never looked back. But you didn’t. Why? The kid?”
“I couldn’t run forever while pregnant.”
“You shouldn’t have run at all.” Max leaned close. “Nick came to visit you. You and him had some magical sex and made a little miracle baby…and then you ran.”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you insult me for panicking. I found out I was pregnant, Max.”
“You knew that instant?” His words were heavy, like he jammed the pillow over my face himself. “As soon as Nick rolled off of you?”
I said nothing. Max expected it. His voice lowered.
“The only difference between a secret and a lie is the work you put into keeping it.”
“And you would know?” I whispered.
“Far better than you, sweetheart.”
“That’s comforting.”
Max laughed. “I’ve never been the one to comfort you. I’m not the one you love, and I’m not the fucking puppy dog wagging his tail and chasing after you.”
“Then what are you?”
“Not someone you should ever trust.”
“I don’t want to play games, Max. Just say what you want to say and let me sleep.”
He frowned. “You’re pregnant. Finding that shit out should have pissed you off. Shocked you. But it shouldn’t scare the fuck out of you.”
“I’m not scared.”
“No. You’re devastated.”
“Max—”
“You ran the instant Nick left, and it was only once you split that you realized he knocked you up. So what happened, Sarah? Did you try to escape from us? Did you really think you could hide from the Bennetts and we wouldn’t capture you? Find you?” he snorted. “Hurt you?”
I had enough. “You have no idea how much I’ve been hurt, Max Bennett.”