It kept me alive.
“This is such a mess,” I whispered. “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”
Nicholas settled beside me on the couch, taking my hand. I let him, but Reed hadn’t moved.
I seized a breath. Now or never.
I took his hand too.
“Whatever you want, it’s yours,” Nicholas said. “You tell us what you need to be happy, and we’ll make it happen.”
Reed nodded. “No questions asked.”
It was that simple. And it was that complicated.
“Is it strange that I want things back the way they were?” I asked. “Not…before my father died. Not before you guys kidnapped me. But before…”
I stopped. I had no idea if they’d understand. No idea if I was mourning a darkness that confused me or trading genuine friendship for captivity.
But I took a chance in loving them.
I searched their gazes. “Even with all those terrible, awful things that happened, and all the bullshit Darius put me through, I got through it because I had you guys.”
Max approached, but he didn’t sit. “It wasn’t us, baby. We caused that shit. We didn’t help; we fucked you up more.”
“You might have hurt me, but you didn’t. Not like I knew you could.”
“But we did hurt you.” Reed swallowed. I hated the hollow regret in his voice. “And we never apologized for it.”
“It’s a bad dream now. It doesn’t scare me. I just wish…”
Hormones again—tears and heat. I wished I could make up my mind. Nicholas brushed my hair behind my ear. His touch stirred more than confusion.
“I wish we could be close again,” I said.
Reed winked. “You were close with Nick.”
Yes, but I still hadn’t figured out what it meant—not to me, not to him, not to Bumper. We cleansed a terrible memory, but, beyond that?
I was as desperate to be free of the Bennetts as I was to love each one of them again—Nicholas as my equal, Reed as a brother and friend, Max as a loyal protector.
“It’s just comfort I miss,” I said. “The intimacy. That’s all.”
Nicholas’s voice layered me in his consuming, perfect confidence. “I wouldn’t deny you that comfort, Sarah. Not after what we’ve been through.”
Reed nervously chuckled. “Uh, she’s pregnant.”
Nicholas nodded.
“With your kid.”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“We’re not…really of use anymore.”
Max grunted. “Besides fucking with her head.”
Reed shrugged. “I fucked other places.”
“I’m serious,” Max said. “Baby, I’ve done enough damage to you. If you need to get off, take Nick. He deserves you. Not me. Not after the shit I put you through.”
“You don’t believe that,” I said.
“I do.”
“Max, what happened was…I let you guys take me like that. We had to do it, or Darius would have murdered us all.”
“Doesn’t fucking matter.”
“It does to me.”
My throat tightened. I didn’t want my inhaler, I just wanted him to look me in the eyes, something he hadn’t done since that awful night in his penthouse when my freedom lasted only a few precious minutes before a new captivity began.
Darius destroyed more than my confidence, my life. He took my step-brothers.
It was worth bloodshed to right that wrong.
“I don’t blame you, Max,” I said “I forgive you.”
“Don’t.”
“You can’t stop me from forgiving you.”
He scowled. “I won’t believe it.”
“Then I’ll say it again and again, all day, every day, until you get sick of hearing it.”
“Do you want me to fucking leave?”
That was the last thing I wanted. “Just stay. Here. With me, with us.”
“I’m not going to hurt you anymore, baby.”
“If you leave, you’ll hurt me more than ever.”
“What the hell do you want from me?” Max held his arms out. “Want me to get the belt? Want me to beat you again? Fuck you like a goddamned animal?”
My hand crossed over my belly. “Not particularly.”
“That’s all I’m good for.”
“Not true.” Why were we fighting about this? “We can comfort each other.”
“I don’t deserve to be comforted.”
“I do!”
Nicholas’s hand brushed mine, but Reed hadn’t moved. My chest tightened.
We wouldn’t survive this if we weren’t together, unified, healed. My step-brothers suffered from guilt, an ugliness that stole their smiles and bound them in despair. I knew what it felt to lose myself in that darkness. I didn’t wish it upon anyone, least of all the men who tried so hard to save me.
Their intimacy had once offered me strength. I could do the same. Mend their wounds and offer them forgiveness and bind us together, again. For me. For the baby. For each other.
It just took a little confidence.
“Do you know what I want?” I whispered. “I want to feel you guys again. Not in pain or fear. I miss the pleasure and the closeness. I miss being with you.”
“You want us to fuck you?” Max made it sound coarse and raw.
I shook my head. “I want us to be together. I want to be safe and sexy and protected again.”
Reed froze. Max didn’t believe me. Nicholas kissed my hand.
Didn’t they feel the same way? Hadn’t they missed the simple pleasure of just enjoying each other? We had nothing else in this world except for each other, and the best way to prove our affection was in the sensual and wicked moments we shared.
I wouldn’t let what happened ruin our bond. Not when it meant so much to all of us. They just needed the same confidence I had to rebuild.
I stood, facing my step-brothers. My fingers curled in the hem of my shirt. I pulled it over my head, tossing the material away. They each exhaled a sharp, excited breath as I gripped the waist band of my shorts. They eased down next, revealing me, tiny, pink and brazen.
They gazed at my body, searching my softened curves and offered secret. Months ago, my nudity would have terrified me. Now? These men never leered, never gloated, never meant to hurt. Every touch delivered with Nicholas’s loving confidence, Reed’s gentleness, and Max’s dominating intensity.
I missed it.
And I knew they missed me.
“Fuck, Sarah,” Reed sighed. “Goddamn, you look more beautiful than ever.”
I heard it from Nicholas, whispered again and again in the darkness as we pressed together, moved together, loved each other. It sounded just as good from Reed. Max’s unsubtle adjustment of his jeans revealed he felt the same.
Nicholas took my hand, curling his fingers within mine. My quickening pulse blended with the calm, confident beat of his heart. His one touch would forever tease into an uncountable number of embraces, but each time he held me in his arms was as thrilling as the first, as passionate as the last, and as promising as every whispered vow he ever offered.
I meant to slide in his lap. He had other ideas. He guided me against the couch, my body resting over his legs, head against his chest. I stretched over the sofa, toward Reed.
And his dimple turned mischievous.
Reed grinned, but he still didn’t reach for me. Not until I nodded, not until my trembling breath offered him every permission.
Nicholas and Reed were so very different, and I loved it. Reed’s touch didn’t mirror Nicholas’s soft pressure. Nicholas so often savored and delighted, but Reed explored and played.
His hands brushed over my curves, my waist, the softness of my thighs. I gave a tiny sigh as the warmth of Reed’s fingers dazzled my already flushed skin. Nicholas eagerly tasted my pleasure, leaning to steal a kiss. Reed’s lips drifted their own path over my body. I arched for him, murmuring against Nicholas. My nipples tightened, still so newly puffy, under Reed’s hand.
“Good?” he asked.
Oh god, yes. His fingers rolled over my breasts, and I eagerly panted for more.
Reed’s eyebrows arched, playful and devious. “I gotta try this.”
Christ, he was a like kid in a candy store, eager and excited and wiggling with a brazen arousal.