Jules’ voice gets quiet. “When you love someone it’s always the right time.”
I’m silent. I’m not sure if he loves me. He’s never said it; but then again, neither have I.
“Think of it this way,” she says. “If he had done something to hurt you, wouldn’t you want an apology? Or at least words?”
I nod.
“So?” She prods. “Oliver should be in bed by now. Go.”
I give her an uncertain look. “I think I should wait until morning.”
She huffs, then grabs me by the arm and pulls me to my feet.
“Hey!” The coffee splashes. “You don’t have to –”
She leads me out of the living room, then opens the door. She takes the mug from my hands and nudges my leg with her foot. “Go say you’re sorry. I won’t wait up.”
Rolling my eyes, I step outside the door. Without another word she shuts it, and I’m alone.
Slowly, I make my way to Latson’s apartment. It’s not like I don’t want to see him. It’s the exact opposite. Every part of me aches to hold him. I want to do what I promised, to be there for him and take away his pain. The problem is he’s angry, and I don’t know if he wants to see me.
When I reach his door, I tentatively knock and wait for a response. When none comes, I knock again, only harder. I fidget as I wait. I guess he could be sleeping. It’s been a long, difficult day. I would give anything to be asleep beside him.
Sighing at the thought, I turn to leave and stop when the door opens. Latson stands there wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt. No fun saying graces his chest, just the solid color blue.
“Hi,” I say when he doesn’t speak. “Can we talk?”
His face is impassive as he steps outside. He crosses his arms, glances at the floor, and then looks at me. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Today,” I say. “I’m sorry about today.”
“Me, too,” he says, emotionless. “I buried my mother and my girlfriend wasn’t there.”
That hurts. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I tried to be there. I really did.”
“Did you?” He tilts his head. “Because it sounded to me like sleep was more important.”
What? I’ll kill Pete if he made it sound that way. “You have to know I didn’t do it on purpose. I had a late night. I know it’s a lame excuse, but it’s the truth.”
Latson nods, but doesn’t look convinced. “Is there anything else you want to tell me about last night?”
I stare at him in confusion. His tone implies I did something wrong. “No. Heidi and Caleb were being obnoxiously loud in the room next to mine and I couldn’t sleep.”
“Bullshit,” he snaps.
My heart starts to pound. “Excuse me? I’m not lying.”
“Heidi was kicked off the tour.”
“And Caleb let her back on.” I study his face. “You can ask Roxanne. Heidi came back yesterday.”
I try to step closer to him and he steps back. It hits me like a punch to the gut. “What’s wrong?”
He lets out a sarcastic laugh as he shakes his head. “I just…I can’t keep up with you, Jen.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I want to believe you. It means I want to have faith in what you say. But when I have proof otherwise, it makes me wonder what else you’ve lied to me about.”
Hold on. “I’ve never lied to you.”
“Yeah?” I don’t like the look in his eyes. “You promised you’d be there today and you weren’t.”
My face falls. “I know and I feel awful. I fell asleep; it was an accident.”
“You promised you’d stay away from Caleb and you haven’t.”
I frown. Are we back to that night at the bar? “I told you he found me and took my phone. I didn’t find him.”
“And last night? How do you explain that?”
I’m at a loss for words. I already told him Caleb and Heidi were next door. Does he think I booked the room? “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh. “Have you been online today?”
“Why in the hell would I be online?” I’ve been riding an emotional rollercoaster ever since I woke up this morning; checking social media has been the last thing on my mind.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “It’s all over the internet.”
What is? Latson taps something on his cell and hands it to me. The minute I see the pictures all the blood drains from my face. Someone posted pictures of me and Caleb standing in the hallway. He’s facing me, covering his junk, and I’m trying not to smile. The second photo shows us entering my room. How is this possible?! I read the caption and the hashtags: The fun things you see on tour #groupielife #renegadetour #niceass.
Oh my god. I heard someone open a door.
“I can explain.” My voice is barely there. “I went over to shut them up. Heidi got mad about the flowers Caleb sent and she started hitting him and –” I’m rambling.
“Flowers?” Latson goes from incredulous to angry. “What flowers?”
Fuck. I can barely breathe. “Caleb sent me –”
Latson grabs his phone from my hand. “I’ve heard enough.”
“But –”
“Don’t.” His eyes flash and his entire body looks tense. “You need to go.”
I’m shaking. “Go where?”
“Anywhere but here. I can’t talk to you right now.”
I hate the way he dismisses me. “Please.” I reach out and graze his arm. “Let’s –”
He jerks his arm away and ignores me. He opens his door and walks inside.
“Latson.” I step forward. “Wait.”
He slams the door in my face.
I stand there, stunned. Tears burn behind my eyes and my heart threatens to pound out of my chest; I want to beat down the door and run away at the same time. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. Nothing I say will make this better. No apology will make this better.
I don’t know how long it takes me to walk back to Pete’s. When I get there I’m grateful Jules didn’t lock the door. I try to make it to my bedroom without anyone noticing me. It doesn’t work.
“Jen?” Pete sticks his head out of his room. “I thought you went upstairs.”
I look down to hide my face. “I’m back. Goodnight.”
“No.” He steps in front me and his face fills with concern. “Why are you all red?”
“It’s nothing. Just –”
“How’d it go?” Jules joins us, way too perky. “I didn’t expect –” She stops talking and narrows her eyes. “What happened?”
I can’t help it. The tears I was holding back spill over. Pete sets his jaw before pulling me into his arms. “What did he do?”
“Nothing. It’s my fault,” I say against his chest. “I messed up.”
Jules rubs my back to soothe me. “It’s okay. You’ll work it out.”
I close my eyes and remain silent. I can’t bring myself to say I don’t think so.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Oh, Ed. How I’ve missed you.
The soothing sound of my boyfriend’s voice travels from my phone to my ear buds. He’s kept me sane over the last three weeks, reminding me that everyone falls in love and everyone gets lost. I may be biased in thinking I get hurt more than others, but one look at my love life proves it hasn’t been stellar. I’m grateful my pretend boyfriend hasn’t abandoned me because I’ve needed him.
I’ve needed him ever since Latson slammed the door in my face.
With my eyes closed, I curl on my side in my bunk. We just left Pittsburgh, and Beau is driving us to Ohio. When we’re finished playing Columbus and Cleveland, the tour will end in Detroit. My rock star life will be over two months earlier than planned. It’s perfect timing really; Tricia called and my apartment is ready. I have a home back in Michigan.
Too bad my heart is in Illinois.
Sensing someone behind me, I roll over. Ariel pulls out one of my ear buds. “I need to interrupt your time with Ed for a minute.”
She knows I’m obsessed. I sit up and scoot back, so she can join me. “What’s up?”
“I’m staging an intervention.” She pulls her legs beneath her and gets comfortable. “I miss your smile.”
I look down at my lap. “Me, too.”
“I think you should know,” she pauses, “Dean and the guys are concerned.”
“Why?” I frown. I’ve hidden my feelings pretty well on stage. So what if I don’t go out to bars and parties? The tour’s almost over.