You’ve seen that beam? I asked.
Of course. I see it all the time. Why do you think people prefer to have sex at night? The beam is there.
You don’t say, I said.
Listen, the Sex Spider said. Do you know why I ask everyone to call me Mani now?
Do tell, I said, as I ate my salad and fish.
Well, once I picked up a customer, a beautiful older woman. She was a professor of history or religion or maybe both. We had a bit of polite chit-chat and then we talked about philosophy and life and she asked me where I came from. The moment she knew that I was Persian, she started talking about Mani, the prophet Mani. I said, Of course I know of him. Well, she said, then you know the myth of the two worlds. Well, of course, I said, I know it, but tell me again.
So she said that in the beginning there were two worlds: the world of the dark and the world of the light. And they both existed without knowing of one another. But when one day the dark world saw the light world shining in all its beauty, the dark world decided to attack the light world and make it his own. But the light world knew that if the dark world touched him he would cease to be pure. So the god of the light world sent his son to fight the dark world in the dark world’s territory, in order to save the pure world from being touched. . The son was shining with light and he flew away with his arms and swords. But once he reached the dark world, his ass was kicked. The dark took the son inside his world and broke him into a million tiny pieces of light, and those pieces of light were spread all over the dark world.
And then what, I said.
And then, said the Sex Spider, I looked at the professor lady in the mirror and I said to her, Every time I see a beautiful lady like you, I see light and I know that there is a wonderful other world out there. I drove her home and she asked me inside for a coffee. A beautiful lady, long thighs, loud screams, and a big light that shone from inside. .
ONCE, AS I was driving along the highway back into town, I saw a taxi with a flat tire at the side of the road. I recognized the Sex Spider’s car and I stopped to give him a hand. But before I got out of my car, he rushed to my window and gave me an address and asked me to go and pick up “Larry” from a restaurant downtown. It is urgent, he said.
I drove fast, because it seemed so important to the Sex Spider. I arrived at the restaurant and parked in front. The valet came and asked me if I was waiting for someone in particular. Larry, I said. The valet smirked and went inside.
From outside, the restaurant looked fancy. Two big guys in shades and dark suits were standing in the manner of bodyguards at the front door. I waited and then I saw a large woman with extraordinarily long legs swinging her hips towards my car. She was stunning.
She arrived and waited for the valet to open the door and she got in the back seat.
I said, Excuse me, but this taxi is reserved for Larry. Are you Larry?
She looked me straight in the mirror and said, in a thick, manly voice: At the base, yes.
I smiled and told her that Mani couldn’t make it. He had a flat tire.
Perfect, she replied, it sure is my day. He is always late, but now today, just when I need him most. . I’ve had a horrible evening. Are you a friend of Mani’s?
Yes, I said.
Well, I hope you are having a good day. But before I could reply, she said again, I had a horrible evening. I thought I was going to die. Those men in there are total pigs. They have no culture. It is hard to be taken seriously in this world of vultures and pests. I am about to cry, excuse me.
So I immediately pulled down my box and offered it to Larry.
Thank you, she said. Finally, someone who has some manners and respect. What is your name, driver?
I am Fly.
My friends also call me Limo.
Nemo? I asked.
No, Limo, as in liminal, in between. But oh, Fly, what a horrible evening that was.
Tell me what happened in there, and why you seem so upset, I said, as I started to drive.
Oh well. . why not, since you are a friend of Mani’s. I guess I can talk to you. Okay. I received a call for a performance. They said it was in an Italian restaurant. I asked them how they got my number and they said it was through the friend of a friend. Usually I prefer to stick to my show at the Piccadilly. I perform there three times a week with other trannies, transvestites to you, from all over the world. We have a fantastic show, it’s a first-class cabaret. We have the twins who do their double act, and then the muscle boy comes and lifts the two girls up into the air at the same time, with their skirts blowing up and all. I do three songs, a monologue, and the finale, in a long blue dress and feathers. Anyway, when I received the call, I refused at first, but then they offered good money so I said okay, one private party. The restaurant seemed like a high-class place.
So I arrived and was led to a back room. There were five very handsome men, wearing expensive Italian suits. They welcomed me and offered me drinks and spoke to me nicely. They asked me if it was really true that I was a man, because I looked like a beautiful woman and so on. The usual. They offered me drinks. And then the waiter rushed in and said the birthday boy had arrived. They dimmed the lights and as soon as he stepped into the room they all shouted Surprise! and the waiter put the music on and I went towards the birthday boy dancing and singing “Happy Birthday.” I was dressed as Marilyn Monroe. All the boys were whistling and cheering. Then the birthday boy squeezed me and started to kiss me. . and it got very rowdy. . they all started to scream and throw their drinks on the floor and take off their jackets and swing them over their heads. I danced with him for a while and then one of the other boys, while we were dancing, came over and said to him, Hey, Frank, grab it. . and before I had the chance to pull back, this Frank had stuck his hand under my dress and grabbed me down there. Then he quickly let go as if he had touched the devil himself, and started to curse, and he pushed me away. I tripped and fell on the floor, on my back. . with my high heels. . you can picture it, I’m sure. All his friends started to laugh. I felt so humiliated. Here I was on the floor, soaking in drinks and dirt, and I was afraid to cut myself on all the broken glass around me. Then the birthday guy went crazy, he was insulted. He came at me and kicked me and tried to stomp on my head. . if it wasn’t for his friends pulling him back. . And then, listen to this, Fly, then this monster reached inside his jacket and pulled out a gun. He was going to shoot me. I was so afraid. But his friends stood in front of him and tried to calm him down, saying, Frankie, Frankie, take it easy, it was just a joke. I was on the floor shaking and crying, thinking, I am not a joke, I am not a joke! Then one of the men gave me his hand and pulled me off the floor and apologized. He pulled out a big stack of money and handed it to me. He called the waiter and the waiter escorted me to the bathroom to wash, and that is when I called Mani. I was crying, but his tire. .
Anyway, I’m glad he sent you. Before I left, I told the man who paid me that I am a respected artist and not a joke. And that next time he shouldn’t treat people as jokes, because we are all human beings, that’s what I said to him. There is still beer and whisky all over my clothes and I smell like cigars, it’s disgusting. I am still shaking. I should have known from their big gold rings, but you know, I am glad Mani didn’t come, because if he saw me like this. . he is short-tempered and those guys could really hurt him. I know the type; they are criminals, they own many of those high-class restaurants. Money laundering, that’s what those places are for. Which reminds me, I definitely have to send my dress to the cleaners, I have a show the day after tomorrow. Long live the Piccadilly! Here, we’ve arrived. How much do I owe you, Fly?