“Hold everything,” I said. “We have been through this before. The Independent Agent was supposed to have left a hoard behind. Treasure beyond belief, secrets that would shock the world, magical and super-science weapons powerful enough to make anyone master of the world. And none of that ever amounted to anything. All bluff and bullshit. Just part of the myth such people create. Are we sure this Crow Lee Inheritance really exists?”
“Were we mentioned in the will?” said Molly. “I have bills to pay.”
“No, you don’t,” I said. “You’re famous for not paying your bills. I have bills to pay—on your behalf.”
“What’s yours is mine,” Molly said comfortably. “Though not necessarily vice versa, if you know what’s good for you.” She looked at the Armourer. “Was Eddie mentioned in the will?”
“There was no will!” said the Armourer. “Oh, God, I can feel one of my heads coming on. . . .”
“Me too!” said Ethel.
“You don’t have a head!” said the Armourer.
“Might have,” said Ethel. “You don’t know.”
“Anyway . . .” said the Armourer. “None of that matters. The point is, a great many important, significant, and horribly powerful people and organisations believe the Inheritance does exist, and they’re prepared to go to open war over it. Either to gain it for themselves, or to make sure their enemies don’t get it. We are looking down the barrel of a war so potentially far-reaching it’s bound to spill over into the everyday world. And we can’t allow that to happen. We’re only able to operate so freely because the world doesn’t know we exist. If Humanity ever finds out who and what they really share this world with, they will go batshit mental. Fighting in the streets, blood in the gutters, churches and governments burning in the night, for having kept so much secret for so long . . . all the world’s arsenals finally unleashed: nuclear, bacterial, chemical . . . and God alone knows where it would go from there. No. We have to stop this dead, before it gets out of hand.”
“And how exactly are we supposed to do that?” said Molly. “Eddie, he’s smiling. Why is the Armourer smiling?”
“Because this is the part we really aren’t going to like,” I said.
“The Summit Meeting has been called to help us decide how best to defuse this situation,” the Armourer said smoothly. “I am going, as Drood representative, and you two are going because you killed Crow Lee, and therefore have more immediate information about him than anyone else. And because it’s all your fault, remember?”
“I thought we’d get back to that,” I said.
“I gave up guilt for Lent,” said Molly. “And never took it up again. You should try it, Eddie, it’s very liberating.”
“Molly and I were there when the family investigated Crow Lee’s country house,” I said. “They tore the place apart, and didn’t find a single damned thing worth a second look.”
“Or at least, nothing important,” said Molly. “I mean, yes, there was a whole load of really weird shit, scattered all over the place, but nothing of any worth.”
“Or you’d have taken it,” I said.
“Exactly!” said Molly. “The point being, all Eddie and I know for sure about Crow Lee was that he was a complete bastard and an utter shit, and the world is better off without him. So what can we contribute to this Summit?”
“The house was empty because it had already been emptied of anything that mattered, before you got there,” said the Armourer. “Which suggests . . . that perhaps he saw his death coming, and made plans. Possibly involving a comeback. So as the last people to see Crow Lee alive, you become vitally important. You have to talk to the Summit.”
“Will the Regent be there, at this meeting?” Molly said suddenly. “Representing the Department of the Uncanny?”
“No,” said the Armourer. “Given his past, and his past reputation, and his closeness to the Establishment these days, it was felt his presence would be . . . divisive. You and Eddie can represent the Department.”
I nodded. “Yes. I can do that. Since I’ve left the family.”
“No one ever really leaves the family,” said the Armourer. “You should know that, Eddie. Anything, for the family.”
I deliberately turned my back on him, to look at Molly.
“You don’t have to do this, Molly. But, I don’t want you facing the Regent on your own. So I think you should wait this one out, in the wild woods. I could join you there, once the Summit is over.”
“No,” said Molly. “I’m going with you. Someone has to watch your back.”
We shared a smile. The Armourer smiled fondly on us. Ethel was singing Love is in the air . . .
“That’s the trouble with you and your damned family,” said Molly. “There’s always some crisis going on. Never a chance to catch your breath around here.”
“Never a dull moment,” the Armourer said brightly. “Ethel, will you please knock that off!”
There was a pause. “I do requests,” said Ethel.
“How long before everyone gets here?” I said quickly. “And we can get this Summit started?”
“Oh, the Summit isn’t being held here, at Drood Hall,” said Ethel, sounding faintly scandalised. “No, we’re not considered neutral ground. Or even safe ground.”
“You mean there are people out there who don’t trust the Droods?” said Molly. “I am shocked, I tell you, shocked.”
“That’s all right,” said the Armourer. “We don’t trust most of them, either. Just because we’re on the same side, mostly, it doesn’t mean we aren’t all ready to stab each other in the back first chance we get. We spend more time spying on our allies than we do on the enemy. You know where you are, with the enemy. It’s the friends and partners you have to keep an eye on.”
“It’s all about survival. . . .” said Molly.
“Exactly!” said the Armourer, beaming.
“I like you better in the Armoury, Uncle Jack,” I said. “Let you loose in the world, and you get downright devious.”
“I was a field agent before you were born, boy,” said the Armourer. “Mostly I prefer to forget all that, and hide away in my Armoury. Where all I have to worry about is the lab assistants . . . but sometimes, the world just won’t leave you alone.”
“What about the Nightside?” said Molly, suddenly. “That’s been neutral ground, for all sides, for thousands of years!”
“No,” the Armourer said immediately. “Droods aren’t allowed in the Nightside. By long compact and binding agreements.”
“I never did get the full story on that,” I said. “If there are these ancient agreements, requiring us to leave the Nightside strictly alone, what do we get out of it?”
“I find it best not to ask questions like that,” said the Armourer. “The answers would only upset you.”
“So where is this neutral ground?” said Molly.
The Armourer beamed happily again. “We’re going to Mars!”
“What?” said Molly.