“Let’s finish the mission first,” I said. “You can blow the whole hotel up once we’re finished. I’ll help.”
“It’s good when couples have interests in common,” said Molly.
I dug out my cell phone, and dialled the Scarlet Lady’s private number. Molly looked at me.
“The car has its own number?”
“Of course,” I said. “Comes as standard, when my uncle Jack has worked on a car. Hello? Scarlet Lady! This is your lord and master!”
“You wish,” said the car. “What do you want, big boy?”
“Sound your horn and flash your lights so we can find you,” I said.
“I’m right behind you,” said the car. “I’ve been watching you for ages.”
She blasted her horn, and half a dozen rows down, there she was, the Plymouth Fury herself. Parked in her own little area of open space, with all the other cars packed up tightly together as though they were scared of her. Which was only common sense, really. I hurried over to join her, with Molly bringing up the rear and glancing suspiciously in every direction.
“I’m glad you’ve come down here,” said the car. “It’s so dull! Nothing to do, no one to talk to. Have you tried talking to a car? It’s boring! These cars have no character, and no conversation. And the few hotel staff on duty down here won’t come anywhere near me, after what I did to that uniformed twit who tried to park me.”
“What did you do to him?” I said, resignedly.
The car giggled, a deep, dark, disturbing sound. “He was a real disappointment, in every department. So I chased him round the parking bays a few times and then out the back entrance. Last I saw, he was still running. Teach him to disappoint a lady.”
“What are you, really?” I said.
“I’ll never tell!” said the Scarlet Lady. “An old broad like me needs to keep a few secrets. But you wouldn’t believe some of the things I can do. . . .”
“Can you fly?” I said, bluntly.
“Fly?” said the Scarlet Lady. “What makes you think I can fly? I’m a car!”
“I talked to my uncle Jack,” I said.
“Oh, him.” The car sniffed loudly. “Armourers should be like doctors—sworn to keep confidences. All right, yes, I can fly.”
“Really?” said Molly. “As in, up into the wild blue yonder?”
“Yes! Really!” said the car. “I am marvellous and amazing and can do many things. Though not for long, my power coils aren’t what they used to be.”
“I’m not going to ask,” I said.
“I wouldn’t,” said the car. “It would only upset you.”
“Can you fly us all the way up to the top of the Casino building?” I said.
“Without being noticed,” Molly added quickly.
“Oooh . . .” said the car. “I do love a challenge. . . . I would have to say: yes and no. Yes, I can quite definitely get you up there, but my stealth fields are no match for the Casino’s security systems. I’d be bound to show up on their sensors.”
“You get us up there,” said Molly, “and I’ll keep us from being noticed.”
“Deal!” said the car. “When did you have in mind?”
“Right now,” I said.
“Ah,” said Molly. “In broad daylight?”
I looked at her. “Is that going to be a problem?”
Molly scowled, considering. “The cover of darkness would have made it easier. . . . Let me think. There are all kinds of null zones scattered throughout the building, of various strengths. So any spell I might cast could fail, at any time, without warning. So, time to get creative. And just a bit sneaky. Frankie told us the Casino has a whole bunch of telepaths down in the cellar, broadcasting Don’t Notice Anything Unusual . . . I can tap into that, and wrap the field around the car. The null zones must be programmed not to override the denial broadcast.”
“You’re right,” I said. “That is seriously sneaky. Go for it.”
Molly gestured briefly, and the Scarlet Lady rocked back and forth. “Hey! That tickles! Kinda like it, though . . .”
“You are a deeply disturbing vehicle,” I said.
“You don’t know the half of it, big boy,” said the car.
“Get in the car, Shaman,” said Molly. “There’s no telling how long my override patch will last and somebody notices something.”
I got in behind the wheel, Molly took shotgun, and the Scarlet Lady drove quietly through the underground car park, careful not to draw any attention from the few hotel staff, who weren’t supposed to notice us any more. Once outside, the car roared back up the entrance road, putting some distance between us and the hotel. So I can get a good run at it, said the car, when I was unwise enough to ask. An answer which to my mind did not actually inspire confidence. She finally slowed, spun round to face the hotel building again, and then accelerated for all she was worth. We slammed down the road, faster and faster, our surroundings a blur, while Molly whooped happily. The hotel grew larger and larger before us, and I couldn’t help but notice that for all our impressive speed, we weren’t actually leaving the ground.
“Going up, soon, would be good,” I said. “On the grounds that the hotel is getting really very near. Going up, really soon now, would be a really good idea! Go up! Up!”
“Front seat driver,” said the car, dismissively. “Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, Thunderbirds Are Go!”
The car’s crimson and white bonnet rose up abruptly, and the car leapt into the air, leaving the road behind. Sheer acceleration forced Molly and me back into our seats. The great curving front of the Casino building loomed before us, but the car’s bonnet kept rising until suddenly we were flying vertically parallel to the hotel front, whipping past the windows so fast they were just one long gleaming blur. The Scarlet Lady laughed loudly, blatting her horn triumphantly. Molly laughed along with her, beating both hands on the dashboard in a sharp paradiddle.
Sometimes I think I’m the only sane one on these missions.
“Pardon me,” I said to the car, “but I can’t help noticing . . . we seem to be slowing. As in, not going nearly as fast as we were. Are you running out of power? Are we actually going to reach the top of this building? Do I really want to know the answers to these questions?”
“Let’s all try to be optimistic,” said the car. “Think happy thoughts.”
“Are there any parachutes in this car?” said Molly.
“Safety features are for wimps,” said the Scarlet Lady.
She shot over the top of the hotel, and the bonnet came down sharply. All four wheels hit the roof at once, and there was a loud squeal of brakes as we hurtled towards the far side of the roof. I gripped on to the steering wheel with both hands, for comfort’s sake, while the deceleration pressed me back into my seat again. Black smoke spilled out from under the rear arches as we slowed and slowed, along with a hellish stink of burning rubber, until finally we slammed to a halt just a few feet short of the far edge. Molly and I bounced back and forth in our seats, and then slumped with relief. The Scarlet Lady engaged reverse, and moved us back a few yards from the edge of the roof.
“There you are!” she said. “Told you I could do it! Never doubted I could! Not for a moment. Now for the bad news. I don’t have enough energy left to fly us back down again.”
“Now you tell us?” said Molly.
“Be fair,” said the car. “You didn’t ask. Nice view, isn’t it?”
“I am going to have my uncle Jack reprogramme your personality with a sledgehammer,” I said. “Now, Molly and I have work to do. You, stay.”
“I love it when you’re all masterful,” said the car.