Not that I know just how that works in people. Cat genetics, there’s something I know a little about, but I think it’s more complicated in human beings.
I’ll tell you something, I think I knew it was Little Debby before I even set eyes on her. I just got this powerful feeling on the way down the cellar stairs. I couldn’t guess when was the last time I went anywhere near the cellar, but on the staircase, well, I had this feeling.
So I guess she didn’t run off after all. I guess it couldn’t have been so bad here at home, I guess she liked it well enough to stay.
A mother’s not supposed to play favorites, but she was my favorite, Little Debby. It’s funny, I don’t know how to explain this, but I have to say it: I’m sort of glad she’s here.
I wonder what else will turn up.
How Far
A One Act Stage Play
SCENE: A restaurant in Hoboken, New Jersey. BILLY CUTLER is at a table for two, reading a thick hardcover novel. DOROTHY MORGAN enters, looks around the room, unsure if this is the man she’s supposed to meet. She goes offstage and returns accompanied by a WAITER, who steers her toward Billy’s table. Billy looks up, and closes his book and stands as she approaches.
BILLY
Billy Cutler. And you’re Dorothy Morgan, and you could probably use a drink. What would you like?
DOROTHY
I don’t know. What are you having?
BILLY
Well, night like this, minute I sat down I ordered a martini, straight up and dry as a bone. And I’m about ready for another.
DOROTHY
Martini’s are in, aren’t they?
BILLY
Far as I’m concerned, they were never out.
DOROTHY
I’ll have one.
BILLY
Joe?
(The waiter withdraws)
It’s treacherous out there. The main roads, the Jersey Turnpike and the Garden State, they get these chain collisions where fifty or a hundred cars slam into each other. Used to be a lawyer’s dream before no-fault came in. I hope you didn’t drive.
DOROTHY
No, I took the PATH train. And then a cab.
BILLY
Much better off.
DOROTHY
Well, I’ve been to Hoboken before. In fact we looked at houses here about a year and a half ago.
BILLY
You bought anything then, you’d be way ahead now. Prices are through the roof.
DOROTHY
We decided to stay in Manhattan.
BILLY
And you knew to take the PATH train. Well, I drove, and the fog’s terrible, no question, but I took my time and I didn’t have any trouble. Matter of fact, I couldn’t remember if we said seven or seven-thirty, so I made sure I was here by seven.
DOROTHY
Then I kept you waiting. I wrote down seven-thirty, but—
BILLY
I figured it was probably seven-thirty. I also figured I’d rather do the waiting myself than keep you waiting. Anyway, I had a book to read, and I ordered a drink, and what more does a man need? Ah, here we go.
(The waiter appears with two drinks on a tray. She takes a sip, relaxes visibly.)
DOROTHY
That was just what I needed.
BILLY
Well, there’s nothing like a martini, and they make a good one here. Matter of fact, it’s a pretty decent restaurant altogether. They serve a good steak, a strip sirloin.
DOROTHY
Also coming back in style, along with the martini.
BILLY
So? You want to be right up with the latest trends? Should I order us a couple of steaks?
DOROTHY
Oh, I don’t think so. I really shouldn’t stay that long.
BILLY
Whatever you say.
DOROTHY
I just thought we’d have a drink and—
BILLY
And handle what we have to handle.
DOROTHY
That’s right.
BILLY
Sure. That’ll be fine.
DOROTHY
(She picks up her drink, sips it, looking for a way back into the conversation.)
Even without the fog, I’d have come by train and taxi. I don’t have a car.
BILLY
No car? Didn’t Tommy say you had a weekend place up near him? You can’t go back and forth on the bus.
DOROTHY
It’s his car.
BILLY
His car. Oh, the fella’s.
DOROTHY
Howard Bellamy’s. His car, his weekend place in the country. His loft on Greene Street, as far as that goes.
BILLY
But you’re not still living there.
DOROTHY
No, of course not. And I don’t have any of my stuff at the house in the country. And I gave back my set of car keys. All my keys, the car and both houses. I kept my old apartment on West Tenth Street all this time. I didn’t even sublet it because I figured I might need it in a hurry. And I was right, wasn’t I?
BILLY
What’s your beef with him exactly, if you don’t mind me asking?
DOROTHY
My beef. I never had one, as far as I was concerned. We lived together three years, and the first two weren’t too bad. Trust me, it was never Romeo and Juliet, but it was all right. And then the third year was bad, and it was time to bail out.
(She reaches for her drink, surprised to note it’s empty.)
He says I owe him ten thousand dollars.
BILLY
Ten large.
DOROTHY
He says.
BILLY
Do you?
DOROTHY
(shakes her head no)
But he’s got a piece of paper. A note I signed.
BILLY
For ten thousand dollars.
DOROTHY
Right.
BILLY
Like he loaned you the money.
DOROTHY
Right. But he didn’t. Oh, he’s got the paper I signed, and he’s got a canceled check made out to me and deposited to my account. But it wasn’t a loan. He gave me the money and I used it to pay for a cruise the two of us took.
BILLY
Where? The Caribbean?
DOROTHY
The Far East. We flew to Singapore and cruised down to Bali.
BILLY
That sounds pretty exotic.
DOROTHY
I guess it was. This was while things were still good between us, or as good as they ever were.
BILLY
This paper you signed.
DOROTHY
Something with taxes. So he could write it off, don’t ask me how. Look, all the time we lived together I paid my own way. We split expenses right down the middle. The cruise was something else, it was on him. If he wanted me to sign a piece of paper so the government would pick up part of the tab—
BILLY
Why not?
DOROTHY
Exactly. And now he says it’s a debt, and I should pay it, and I got a letter from his lawyer. Can you believe it? A letter from a lawyer?
BILLY
He’s not going to sue you.
DOROTHY
Who knows? That’s what the lawyer letter says he’s going to do.
BILLY
The minute he goes into court and you start testifying about a tax dodge—
DOROTHY
But how can I, if I was a party to it?
BILLY
Still, the idea of him suing you after you were living with him. Usually it’s the other way around, isn’t it? They got a word for it.
DOROTHY
Palimony.
BILLY
That’s it, palimony. You’re not trying for any, are you?
DOROTHY
Are you kidding? I said I paid my own way.
BILLY
That’s right, you did say that.