"Well, you'll be pleased to know I'm taking Ellen to that Montague shindig. Shell probably blow the whole thing for us, but I'm just gonna have to take that chance!"
Stan removed his glasses and, grinning, stared at his boss. "You know, Chief, you just might be in for a surprise."
"What kind of surprise?" Vern said, chuckling. "Ellen is about as surprising as gray skies in wintertime."
"You're sure about that, eh?" Stan said, and resumed reading his computer report.
"Sometimes I think the whole world is going crazy," Vern said. "I'm going to drive golf balls. Goodnight."
The following night, as Vern and Ellen walked along the wide sidewalk that led to the reception-bar area of the Montague Country Club, Vern gestured emphatically, reminding Ellen that she should say "as little as possible and just listen."
"Yes, dear," Ellen said. "I know how to handle myself. Don't worry about a thing."
Just before they entered, Vern stopped and took another long look at Ellen. "Jesus, I-I still don't know what to say, Ellen. I mean, you look ravishing.
It's not just the weight loss-it's everything! You're like a completely different person!"
"Good," Ellen said, kissing him on the cheek, "then trust me to do the right thing tonight-no matter what happens you must trust me-and please stop being so nervous."
Vern nodded, straightening his tie. "It's just that this night means so much to me, and I'm afraid about their reaction to you. You see, Maria became quite a favorite of theirs. As I told you, there was sex between them and her-everything! I-I just don't know how you'll stack up against her."
"Will you please stop jabbering like a nervous idiot?" Ellen said. "Yes, you told me about the relationship between Maria and the men. I understand the problem completely. Now will you please just relax and give me credit for some intelligence?"
"Okay," Vern said, "sorry. I do seem sort of shook up, don't I? But Jesus! Who wouldn't be? I mean, the way you look-and me not knowing what's going to happen when you walk in…I mean-"
Ellen shooshed his nervous babbling with a well-placed index finger at his lips. "Shhh, easy," she said. "Calm down and let's go inside."
Vern pushed open the door, composed himself as best he could, and the two of them strode across the room to the big fireplace opposite the bar. It was the same fireplace where Vern had first introduced Maria Reese to Reardon, Hendricks, Wyatt, and their wives. His stomach muscles tightened as he made the introductions.
Fortunately, nobody made reference to the fact that Maria Reese was absent. Good, Vern thought, the less said the better. But then, before he could even order a drink for himself and Ellen, Ellen boldly said, "I imagine you are all wondering where the beautiful and captivating Maria Reese is this evening?" she asked.
Vern wanted to crawl into the fireplace and hide. What in God's name was Ellen doing?
"As a matter-of-fact," Sheila Hendricks, meeting the challenge directly, said, "that's exactly what I was thinking. Vern? Have you and Miss Reese had a falling out?"
"Uh, well-uh," Vern stammered, "it's a long, long story." Before he could gather his thoughts, Ellen interrupted. She moved to the center of the seated group and did a little pirouette. Her hair glistened in the soft, amber light and the brief exposure of her legs and upper thighs, as the dress fanned, obviously appealed to the men.
"Yes, it's a very long story," Ellen said gayly. "It's as long and old a story as the story of mankind itself. You see, the best woman won! I know you were all very fond of Maria Reese-she's beautiful, intelligent, and definitely an asset to a man of Vernon Shipley's calibre and interests-but I hope you'll like me, too. I assure you that a man of Vernon's ability and taste and business acumen would not have selected me over the-likes of Maria Reese if there were not a very good reason. Don't you agree?"
"Ellen, please!" Vern said, moving toward her.
"No, let her be!" Sheila Hendricks said, obviously intrigued and amused. "This is very interesting, Vern. I want to hear about the new weapons the modern girls are using nowadays."
"Yes indeed," said Elyse Reardon, 'let the pretty little thing continue." Elyse Reardon jabbed her husband, Randolph, in the ribs, and he said, "Yes, let her go on, Vern."
"All right," Vern said, swallowing. He waved at the waiter to order martinis for Ellen and himself. "Go on, dear."
"Well," Ellen began, "first I want to tell you that I've known Vernon Shipley much longer than Maria Reese has. I think that alone qualifies me somewhat to be his new fianc'e. But most important, I used my husband-to-be's own methods of research to get my man! I carefully researched my opponent, Miss Reese, and attacked her scientifically."
"Scientifically?" Mrs. Wyatt inquired skeptically. "I bet your approach extended beyond the realm of pure science." She laughed knowingly. "Do tell us the truth."
"I must admit," said Ellen confidently, "that my approach did include a certain amount of physical persuasion."
Everyone laughed heartily, and Vern found himself laughing, too. Ellen's performance, thus far, was astounding, brilliant.
"And that's not all I researched," Ellen said. She quickly strolled by the men and whispered in the ears of Sheila Hendricks, Elyse Reardon and Alta Wyatt The women looked astounded. Then, each in turn became suddenly patronizing. They looked as if they were embarrassed.
"Please, dear," Vern said, glancing nervously at the husbands. "We mustn't keep any secrets from the men folk…heh-heh."
"This is all just good fun, isn't it girls?" Ellen said.
The women nodded vigorously, completely won over, it seemed to Vern.
"Now," Ellen said, "I understand that the reason Vern's ex-fianc'e was so popular was because she genuinely got to know each of you. All I request is the same opportunity. Isn't that fair?"
Everybody agreed that this was fair, particularly the women.
Tine," Ellen said, beaming, "then let's just all go ahead and have a splendid evening. I'll be chatting with each of you individually, and that way well get to know each other."
The waiter brought another round of drinks then, along with Vern's and Ellen's martinis, and Vern began conversing with the men while Ellen huddled with the ladies. Vern kept a close watch on Ellen as he socialized with the men, and he was pleased to see the men's wives laughing uproariously at Ellen's light conversation.
"Certainly a bold gal-that Ellen," Randolph Reardon said, eyeing his wife suspiciously. "But beautiful…yes, I can see why you might prefer her to Maria. Ellen seems to have a bit more depth. Odd, but she even looks vaguely familiar."
Vern remembered the night he had pawned Ellen off to the men as a District School Supervisor in the Mediterranean Restaurant. He almost laughed. No chance of any of the men's recognizing Ellen; she had changed her physical appearance completely!
"A stunning female," Lloyd Hendricks said, adding his approval. "We miss Maria, of course, but I-I'm sure this Ellen will make you a fine wife, Vern."
Vern chatted with the men for perhaps ten minutes, and then Ellen once again made an announcement. "I wish to be extended the same rights as my ex-competitor," she said. "I understand Miss Reese was allowed the privilege of strolling individually with Misters Wyatt, Hendricks and Reardon." She laughed brightly. "Come now! I want to get to know each of you-individually."
The women laughed, obviously feeling their drinks, approving Ellen's boldness. Vern cringed, wondering how Ellen knew what Maria had done. Reardon glanced nervously at Hendricks, and they both shrugged. Then Ellen was leading Lloyd Hendricks away toward the door for an outdoor stroll.
"That girl is amazing!" Sheila Hendricks bellowed. "Simply unbelievable!"